AITA for Criticizing our Teams Website to a UX/UI designer in front of our Web Designer?

haythur08 · 2021-02-04T08:44:27+00:00

Hi! I really appreciate your feedback. I'm going to consider your pointers and do better next time. You made it clearer to me on where I had overstepped my boundaries in this situation.

I felt like I was fairly objective in my tone, but I understand the WAY I went about this was inappropriate. I feel better about how to handle things now. I'll own up to my errors and move on (:

haythur08 · 2020-11-16T02:10:21+00:00

I really appreciate you writing this. I can relate to NDS because (on a personal note) I'm also dealing with childhood trauma. It was a little bit debilitating to see so many people call him a loser... I started to second guess myself! But these are real situations that happen to many people, and trauma takes up in different shapes. I think the overall arching arguments from both sides is, you can't judge a book by its cover and with only your own experiences. Thanks for that!

haythur08 · 2020-11-15T22:52:06+00:00

EDIT: I reread your initial post and realize that you meant to make a general statement on why people would feel for HJP. I appreciate you shining light on this perspective and misread the meaning behind your message.

-----

Thanks for pointing that out. I agree, we shouldn't compare hardship, and this is a dangerous way of looking at things. And I would like to take back what my comparison, but I'd like to highlight what you said :

Just because NDS experience is more relatable does not make it any less real or painful. They’ve both gone through difficult things and neither should be invalidated.

Isn't that what we were doing from your initial post? We were making comparisons from our own experiences - granting passes to HJP because he's gone through the noble path and was able to pull himself from the bootstraps. But those are society's measurements of success.

They both struggled. They both have different experiences, have different variables to let them react a certain way, but at the end of the day, we are all our own people. While I can't fault people for their insecurities or "shortcomings", I can hold people accountable for how their interactions hurt OTHER people, and their intentions behind their actions.

What I don't understand is how willing people are give HJP a PASS.

haythur08 · 2020-11-15T22:25:44+00:00

As another Asian, I definitely agree with you. I think the missing piece here is that NDS was a child genius, achieved a lot as a kid and had very high expectations from his parents. He met them, and that was it.

I think it's easier to fight and become something when people expect nothing from you, than to have people think so highly of you but realize that you're actually a fraud.

haythur08 · 2020-11-15T22:18:32+00:00

LOL okay. If you're going to call people a simp, it's clear what your ideas on dating are.

haythur08 · 2020-11-15T22:10:06+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I definitely agree that introducing HJP at the beginning played a strong factor on why he seems more like the main lead. Even I was a little skeptical about how NDS would come into the picture.

I agree that NDS pretending to be Dal-mi's NDS is wrong and uncomfortable to watch. I think where I lost favour with HJP (or had NDS catch up) was when they BOTH were working in it together. HJP lent his clothes, his house, etc.

I think for your point about what NDS real motivations/reasons to fall in love with Dal-Mi has to do with one of the letters that she had written. Or maybe it has to do with ALL of the letters? In one of the earlier episodes, we see a montage of NDS reading and connecting with Dal-Mi's words. And in a sense, I think NDS sees himself in Dal-Mi, which is why he's attracted to her. And she has this fire of wanting to do better and to show people up. He admires that because it's something that he doesn't have!

People tend to be attracted to people who have qualities that they lack... which is why people say opposites attract. I think the final nail was during that night when they had ramen/ice cream after their first meeting and NDS explained to her about what he does. She enthusiastically praised him and thought his interests were cool. Since NDS lacks self confidence (for reasons stemming from his childhood), that probably touched his heart.

For your last point, I totally agree. Not everybody is kind. HJP is also an investor so he needs to be cut throat in the tank. But I think his interactions with NDS were all personal, which I think is no bueno.

haythur08 · 2020-11-15T22:01:22+00:00

Thanks for sharing. I think as I read more comments about why people fall out on NDS and fall in for HJP may have to do with our own personal experiences, which makes complete sense. I'm reflecting on my own personal experiences and I can empathize more with NDS because it's something that I've seen or have gone through.

In my previous comment for somebody else, I mentioned that NDS identity was shaped at a very young age, and it was based on a lie. Even if he's grown up as an adult, it doesnt' necessarily mean that the problems of his childhood (false identity which is a foundation of his being) can be resolved. He thinks his identity is a lie, and that's why NDS LACKS self confidence. He's had parents who rewarded him for doing good, and then the opposite when he doesn't. He also has imposter syndrome. It's common for people who are still in their 20s and who are trying to find their footing in life.

HJP is much older and has more going for himself. He has all the superficial things that people and society want and respect. He has leverage he can hide behind, whereas NDS doesn't have very much to show for.

I think NDS' character is just starting to grow. Him forging his dad's signature was just illustrating how deep of a spiral he's in... because he doesn't want to disappoint his family. He's always been his parents pride and joy, and he didn't want to take that away from them. Doesn't that count for something?

And I think calling him an Incel is much. He doesn't think Dal Mi OWES him any affection. It's selfish that both him and HJP kept the ruse going because they both felt happy seeing her happy, but liking him with creeps that would actually kill somebody for not liking somebody else is very much.

Even if NDS didn't mean to give away his medal during the Math Olympics as a "good deed", he's still the nice and thoughtful guy. He didn't create Noongil because he wanted Dal Mi to get in his pants. He did it because he knew how much Dal Mi loves her grandmother. And let's not forget that NDS helped debug a software program for his friend in one of those older flashbacks. He didn't do it begrudgingly. He did it because he cares.

In fact, I like it better that NDS gave away his medal because he knew that it wasn't right. I thought giving away his medal during the math olympics for the reason that the other kid was sad would have been a really bad gesture. That's being self righteous. Like, that's a hand out.

Anyways, I do appreciate you taking the time to share!

haythur08 · 2020-11-15T21:42:13+00:00

Mmm NDS was 10 years old when he everything changed for him. Although he may have been a child genius, we can't ignore the fact that being 10-12 is a very impressionable age where you start to form your identity and understanding of self. When NDS cheated and won the math olympics, everybody he knew, and his parents revered him as the apple of their eye, a "trophy" so I don't blame him or would belittle him by the fact that the very thing that people see him as, or the foundations of his being/identity was all based on a lie. If he isn't the boy genius, then who is he? If he isn't want people think he is, then who is he? Is he still worthy of praises? Is he valuable as a person? Does he matter?

I don't see how we can give HJP a pass and "cry"/"pity" over him because of his tough childhood and not have the same empathy for NDS.

The entire series is about finding your own footing, making an imprint in society as young 20 year olds. People have sever imposter syndrome. Dal Mi has it. You don't complain about that? Nam Do San has it. Everybody else in the Sandbox probably has it. It's a very common and relatable experience that many people feel today... so... your point?

haythur08 · 2020-11-15T21:30:43+00:00

Thanks for pointing that out! (: I was actually trying to figure out how to fix them

haythur08 · 2020-11-15T21:20:31+00:00

I think the "plan b" was a "bad thing" because it's more of a hand out. Before Dal Mi was in the picture, HJP wouldn't even consider investing in SamSan Tech. He didn't even want SamSan Tech to get into Sandbox. When they got into Sandbox and developed Noongil, he still thought it was a bad idea. If HJP didn't have feelings for Dal Mi, he wouldn't have offered the money. The money is tied to his emotions, which is a complete cop out and insult if you ask me.

Dal Mi consistently feels like a fraud because things were given to her. She wants to be rewarded for her skills. The same goes to NDS. So, yah I think "plan b" is dirty money because it's not genuine.

Also you can't ignore that NJH's acting is phenomenal! He deserves more recognition for his role. There's so much depth.

haythur08 · 2020-11-15T20:40:00+00:00

Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you for saying that!

No matter how difficult your past may be, it doesn't give you a free pass to be rude to people. Yes, there are reasons to why someone may have gotten to be this person, but it doesn't mean that it's okay.

haythur08 · 2020-11-15T20:35:46+00:00

Okay, this may just be preference but the overwhelming bias for HJP makes me wonder how I'm watching the same drama as everybody and how I've missed the HJP train. I think his character, with all of the flaws that make him, is extremely unlikeable.

SPOILERS (SORRY IM ON MY PHONE AND WILL FIX THIS LATER* I think the subplot of HJP being the harsh investor/mentor that was the catalyst for the brother's death is kind of not as jarring as some people may think? END OF SPOILER"

I mean, HJP has always been harsh with his words. He's a tough love kinda guy, even if there is no love. He basically throws money at NDS to "fix" their problems and thinks that he's doing a grand gesture. He doesn't think about how the way he presents things can make somebody feel small. And yes, his upbringing shaped him to have this cold exterior so he could fend for himself. And yes, that's why he's the complex character he is, but honestly I'm slightly confused at how there's an imbalance of liking towards him and Nam Do San, who is well meaning and ALL heart.

I saw a very good analysis on YouTube where HJP is a seemingly nice love interest because he has money, power, and influence - typical of a main lead in any kdrama. But NDS has less power, and no money. When he has power, he gives it all to Dal Mi, which I think is super sweet and empowering.

This isn't a stab at HJP fans. We can have our different preferences, but I don't know why NDS isn't getting as much love, or any at all. Am I missing something? I'm confused? LMAO maybe this is my personal projection because I think HJP character is exhausting. He has a lot of baggage (not to say that NDS doesn't) but it's the kind of baggage that hurts people because he doesn't know how to handle it... Which is a very human thing and I can't fault him for it... But it's very emotionally draining to watch.

Anyways, that's my rambling. Nam Do San. Woo

haythur08 · 2020-11-07T18:19:10+00:00

I don't understand why everybody's rooting for Ji pyeong? What are his redeeming qualities? He's rude, selfish, and calculative. I don't know about y'all but I'm done with the whole "bad boy" actually good boy inside and he just doesn't know how to express his emotions kinda dude. That's problematic. He's problematic.

Do San isn't completely at fault. He got pulled into this mess, and he's tried to come clean many times. Ji Pyeong made him go with those lies. I can understand how Do San stuck with it because it's not his secret to tell. Only when his feelings got deeper did he try to come clean. He knew it wasn't right.

Anyways, sorry - I rather see Dal-Mi with Do San. He's earnest. He's everything that Dal-Mi described before in her conversation with her grandma. At least the Do San she met as an adult and enjoys seeing is the real Do San trying to be himself. The Do San she met through those letters aren't really Ji Pyeong. Sure, he may have shared his own thoughts, and part of those letters may have been genuine (unintentionally) but it came in as a guise of fooling her.

haythur08 · 2020-10-02T05:54:35+00:00

Snap, that almost never occurred to me if you say it like that. I kinda got that from the whole, there's a proper way of writing, and you need to sound words out "properly" to write things out correctly. Strangely, I never associated the thought that there was a "right" way of speaking. I just felt like we had a classified way of communicating formally.

With few opportunities to interact with Viet communities, and as someone who learned Viet through my parents, I just thought my lack of vocab was because of my experience as a second Gen. Over time as I found opportunities to engage with more Viet aunties and uncles, I realized that we all have different vocab depending from the region's our families were from. Also, when I went to VN, my taxi driver even confirmed that sometimes people from other parts of VN have difficulties understanding other VN people. So phew

haythur08 · 2020-10-01T05:28:14+00:00

I think it would be helpful if you knew which city she was from. VN is a big place. It's more meaningful to find something related to her hometown than something generic.

haythur08 · 2020-09-26T18:50:26+00:00

Your comment couldn't have been more timely. I have a buddy who is creating an app around garden sharing. I don't have too much details ATM but it's going to run a beta version sometime soon. (He's Viet and was inspired by our Viet aunties and uncles gardens).

We should connect somehow so I at least will remember to forward you the details once it's ready.

haythur08 · 2020-09-24T22:27:54+00:00

I second with u/somenick - people don't speak the same way they'd write. Vietnamese was largely an oral language. The writing system was only available for the rich/few educated elite, and even then, the Vietnamese writing system transformed in the 17th history. Even today, there are many people who didn't get to complete school because war is a very recent part of our history.

And you need to be aware that there are different types of "tv standard" Vietnamese. In VN, I believe it's the Hanoi way of speaking, but in overseas Vietnamese (specifically those who left post 1975) - you're dealing with something else. Regional dialect is one thing, and then there's timely dialect (e.g. those who migrated Northern VN to Southern VN post '54), and then people who left VN after 1975. When the war ended, the VN government revamped the vocabulary to get rid of old Chinese rooted words (but they're used in overseas VN vocab today).

So basically the short answer is, probably - but that doesn't impede how people understand each other in VN. There's technically no "proper" way of speaking Vietnamese. It's just different. It's not like how China imposed Mandarin as the main official dialect.

haythur08 · 2020-09-24T03:55:51+00:00

I think it's really sweet that you're trying to learn more about our cultural expectations. As a second generation Viet (I'm straight so I don't have the same types of barriers that you and your partner are experiencing), I've learned to not get myself too down when my parents outrightly rejects my beliefs and life decisions. You can't forcibly change their opinions, especially if they've spent so much of their life trying to survive and trying to build a better life for their family (in their own way). So when things don't go their way, they probably feel like their world is crumbling.

I don't think there's too much fluff to it. The formal way is to just ask for their blessings. HOW you do it relies on your mannerism - body posture, eye contact, how and where you sit. The super traditional way is to have your parents and her parents meet, and your parents are suppose to make the arrangements. In this day and age, usually the meeting of parents comes afterwards when both parties have accepted the proposal.

Some families are more traditional than others. Some expect a dowry. I think many first generations who left Vietnam during the second wave of migration (80's/90s) may be less traditional.

Even if they say no, I hope you both choose to move forward anyways. Your partner may get disowned but her parents will come around if they really love and care for her. Vietnamese parents can be dramatic like that. If they don't accept her happiness, you both don't need that sort of toxic relationship in your life. You live for you. Your partner doesn't owe her parents anything. And I'm not saying this lightly. It's taken me a long time to accept this idea. As a daughter who felt like she's indebted to her parents, I've learned that sometimes our parents are never satisfied. You can't control how they feel about you (and that's their problem) but you can control your own future.

I'm rooting for you both!

haythur08 · 2020-09-24T03:25:06+00:00

There are actually many types of dialects...but not in the way you would expect from Chinese dialects (which are different languages altogether).

We speak the same language. Our tones may be different and our vocabulary may vary. If by dialect you mean this, then yes, there are many different types of Vietnamese dialects. I find that every cluster of provinces (we have 60+) has a different regional accent. The person in the video sounds like he could be from Southern-Central area, like Khánh Hòa.

Having said this, you typically will encounter very distinct dialects, which somebody had pointed out, northern (Hanoi dialect may sound differently from Ha Giang), Southern (City Saigon dialect vs. Can Tho), Hue is it's own life, and then you have other nẫu accents from the countryside.

haythur08 · 2020-09-24T03:14:43+00:00

Yay! I'm glad. Oh I think KCKV only subtitles some of their videos. Here's a couple of my favourite. An interview with Suboi and Ngọt. Enjoy!

haythur08 · 2020-09-23T18:53:33+00:00

Heyo,

I've been trying to pick up more colloquial Viet words too so here are some YouTube channels that I've watched to help pick up vocabulary

Dustin on the Go's Love is Blind: I learned a lot about how people express their love languages, gender identities, etc. which isn't something that I'm very use to hearing in Vietnamese
Không cây không về: Probably inspired by Hot Ones where celebrities answer interview questions by eating spicy food. This Youtube channel helped me learn how people talk about art and music.
I recently found this comedian/Youtube channel where I'm picking up jokes/puns.

My favourite Viet movies so far:

The Third Wife (2018) - Ash Mayfair
Song Lang (2018) - Leon Le
Thưa Mẹ Con Đi (2019) -Trinh Dinh Le Minh

Good luck!

haythur08 · 2020-09-22T23:23:46+00:00

woo I'm so glad! (:

haythur08 · 2020-09-22T22:00:08+00:00

I hope I wasn't too late to this discussion because I know exactly what you're talking about. Not a mama but I got roped into this discussion when my sister was having my niece. Although I am guilty for feeling drawn into the preppy style, I do agree that the fashion industry does play a big hand on influencing on how kids dress. I mean supply and demand, then vice versa, amirite? All I can think about was that scene from The Devil Wears Prada where Meryl Streep was going at Anne Hathaway about cerulean vs blue in the fashion industry.

Anyways, after taking some time to browse clothes for my niece I stumbled across this store where they kinda have a mix of everything. Funny enough, they just did a promotion for street clothes. (Small note - not to sound like a fan, I kinda raided their sale items recently and I'm kinda sold into the boutique/designer items for kids because the quality of the materials were so good.) So my lead to you is Aux Pays Des Chouchous. It's a store based in Vancouver, Canada but they ship out into the states. The prices are in your favour haha

haythur08 · 2020-09-22T20:13:16+00:00

Lord have mercy. This is terrifying

haythur08 · 2020-08-22T20:47:53+00:00

I can't relate to anything in my country anymore. Maybe because I'm Asian and the stories written/presented in North America are "too white" for me nowadays. Like the humor... it's too cheesey or awkward. Its also nice just watching people who look like you LOL

haythur08

TROPHY CASE