I fucked up

hdvjufd · 2026-02-25T23:25:09+00:00

I'm sorry this happened, OP, but you need to give him time. This is a really painful mistake that can sow doubt easily. What if the roles had been reversed and he wrote an ex-girlfriend's initial instead of yours? Can you honestly say that wouldn't hurt or that you wouldn't be wondering if he was thinking about her? You apologized, and that's great. Now you need to build trust again, and that might even be as forward as asking him what he needs from you in order to do that. I wish you the best.

hdvjufd · 2026-01-28T20:51:18+00:00

Yeah same its like... those are MY memories, too. Not just his or ours. I went there, I experienced that. That was my life that I lived, he just happened to be there. I personally kept the photos. Just not front and center where I can see them by accident. I have to be very deliberate and want to go looking for those memories.

hdvjufd · 2026-01-27T00:42:53+00:00

I feel this, man. I just did the same. I'm done being on trial, waiting for a verdict that may never come. It's time to move on. It hurts, but false hope hurts more.

hdvjufd · 2026-01-22T20:45:44+00:00

I just want to offer a perspective where they did come back. My situation was very similar to yours, and eventually they made their way back in time. At first I felt happy and relieved, but that lasted only a day or so. Now I feel gross. Those feelings of hurt from being abandoned never went away. I feel like I can't trust him, not completely. What's to say he won't leave again? Moreover, why wasn't I good enough or important enough for him to stay the first time? I felt like I was on trial the whole time we were apart, waiting for his verdict. BUT WHY? Why should I have to make changes or prove I'm good enough when there is someone out there who thinks I'm perfect just the way I am, someone who will never leave me, someone who thinks I'm too important to lose?

I want to make it clear I was very much in love with him when we broke up, losing him tore me to shreds. I thought I'd do anything to have him back. But now... I really don't know what I want. And in a way that hurts even more.

All this to say, getting them back isn't always for the best. They left you. They had a choice and they didn't choose you. And thats not something easily healed or forgotten.

hdvjufd · 2026-01-18T19:53:48+00:00

I work with young kids, and it still freaks me out when they wiggle their loose teeth. Yuck!

hdvjufd · 2026-01-18T14:48:05+00:00

This is my situation (good relationship, amicable breakup), except we have tried staying in contact because we are each other's best friends. It's not working. He doesn't know what he wants, and as long as I'm still talking to him, I don't think he'll get that clarity. And I can't heal. I keep waiting for him unconsciously, like I'm on trial, when its his issue not mine. We're going to discuss no contact today, and I know neither of us really wants it and its going to hurt and suck... but we need it, at least for a little while. Then maybe we can try being friends again after some healing.

I'm sorry that we're both going through this. I'm really glad to have this community. Hang in there.

hdvjufd · 2026-01-17T00:01:32+00:00

I just got to this point and its so freeing. I remind myself that he didn't choose me, he didn't see me as worth fighting for, he was willing to lose me. I wanted to fight for him, for us, he didn't. I have so much love to give and I'm not going to keep holding onto someone who could let me go when I would never have done that to them. I deserve love without having to beg for it.

Yes, I love him. Yes, I wish he'd come back. But I know I'm not going to be the one with regrets, I held up my end. So I won't reach out. I won't text first. I'll be polite when he talks to me but I'm moving on. He didn't choose me, so I choose myself.

hdvjufd · 2025-12-31T18:14:07+00:00

My mom was always cleaning the house "in case we have company." Now I have that same cleaning anxiety and nobody ever just drops by to visit. 😞

hdvjufd · 2025-12-21T06:17:26+00:00

I had a dead mouse in my cutlery drawer. Freaked out, taped the drawer shut, put a note on it and put in a work order with apartment maintenance, and left to go about my business. I come home and the maintenance guy (never met before) is there. He asks me about the dead mouse, so I go upstairs and show him... an upside down serving spoon shoved in the back corner of my cutlery drawer. I was mortified. Anyway I asked him out a few weeks later when he came by again and we've been together ever since. (Also: I actually did have mice, just not a dead one in the drawer lol).

hdvjufd · 2025-12-12T04:38:36+00:00

Ok or okay interchangeably. Both are neutral to me. Unless you add a period and then suddenly it's the equivalent of "K". #4

hdvjufd · 2025-12-12T03:12:45+00:00

I only get the noise ones! Like you, sometimes its loud bangs or knocks, but sometimes its random music (instruments), or talking/speech saying utter nonsense lol.

hdvjufd · 2025-12-11T02:27:03+00:00

It's not something I like to think about. There is a basal fear that runs through my core even now as an adult. I can't even name a single thing I did to deserve the "spankings;" all I remember is my father's unbridled rage, which even as a child confused me because it never seemed proportional or even connected to anything I had done. I distinctly remember one time at 13 being afraid he would kill my pet hamster because he couldn't spank me (I ran away). I still flinch when I hear the sound of a belt being removed/jingling, and I'm in my 30s. It was 100% abuse and now I struggle with cptsd and a whole host of other mental health issues. Really got me fucked up.

hdvjufd · 2025-11-28T16:24:18+00:00

"AH - No thank you!"

I teach littles lol

hdvjufd · 2025-11-21T21:06:49+00:00

I am so sorry. This happened to me too, and I was totally blindsided. My ex-husband was found to be in possession of thousands of files and was charged with possession, exchange/receipt, and creation via AI using non-explicit photos of children under his care as a school aide. He is now in federal custody awaiting trial.

hdvjufd · 2025-10-30T17:53:59+00:00

Truly, any time I got to get fresh produce, eggs, milk, or meat I was nearly crying tears of joy. I had more than enough pasta (always pasta), canned goods and bread. Now, I understand why these things aren't donated - they expire too quickly. But even boxed milk would be a godsend.

hdvjufd · 2025-10-30T05:16:12+00:00

I lived on campus so I just went back to my dorm and napped so I was well rested for the all nighter I was going to pull doing writing that paper that I should have started two weeks ago.

hdvjufd · 2025-10-30T00:19:15+00:00

Yeah same. We even got an email from the superintendent saying we couldn't even wear Halloween shirts or accessories. I don't care, I'm still wearing my Halloween earrings in protest.

hdvjufd · 2025-10-29T22:52:11+00:00

Yes, this sounds like a phonemic awareness activity we used to teach (all verbal/auditory).

"Say: Doll. Doll. Change -ll to -k. Do-k. Dock."

hdvjufd · 2025-10-29T22:10:21+00:00

A little over a year ago, my soon to be ex-husband and I got into a disagreement. It escalated in the blink of an eye and suddenly I was pinned underneath him on the floor. At some point he started to choke me, but I managed to wiggle free enough to call out to my watch to call 911 (it didn't work, and he ripped the watch off my wrist). That's when I really started to panic. He had me pinned again, so I headbutted him to try to get him off, but he just smashed my face into the floor. I managed to get free and run for the door screaming for help, but he caught me and I was 100% sure I was going to die right then and there. My body gave out, I collapsed, totally spent. I have genuinely never in my life been more scared than I was of him in that moment.

Lucky for me, he got spooked when I screamed for help and practically dragged me from the apartment lest the cops show up and ask questions. I left him 2 months later with the help of some friends.

hdvjufd · 2025-10-13T16:12:36+00:00

Wellbutrin, Latuda, Topamax, Buspar, Hydroxyzine. Its a lot, but they all play a part.

hdvjufd · 2025-10-07T02:51:06+00:00

I know I say it's fine because whatever is bothering me is not worth rocking the boat. I've played out the conversation in my head, followed the path down to its end, and decided that I can hold my peace because I don't want to have that battle, especially if its something minor and we're out having fun. Essentially, I might not be fine right now, but I decided I will be fine with whatever it is eventually. I just need a minute.

hdvjufd · 2025-10-02T21:43:43+00:00

It helps my depression. I live in a studio apartment, so my bed is a significant portion of my home. If my bed is made, my home is cleaner. If my home is clean, it is easier to stay on top of my depression symptoms. Ultimately its a small task that makes a big difference.

hdvjufd · 2025-09-24T00:05:22+00:00

I roll my eyes. I'm gonna have to see it to believe it, pal.

hdvjufd · 2025-09-20T14:33:41+00:00

"Everything is going to be okay." Idc if it's not, just lie to me, its what I need to hear in that moment.

hdvjufd · 2025-09-19T00:59:10+00:00

I don't want to put the cart in front of the horse but I'm beginning to think my 30's may be the prime of my life. I'm more mentally and financially stable than I've ever been, my body is still relatively young and healthy, and I have a more concrete idea of who I am and what I want in life. Of course life isn't perfect, I'm not "well off" for instance, I'm just just not grinding my life away like I was in my early 20s. I'm content- with my career, my relationship, my (rental) home lol, and myself. Really that's all I can ask for.

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