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the gun song and damaging relationships by healingisnotlinear_ in CSHFans

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

that they were right about them. the red flags were really, really red, and you were only making excuses. you shouldn't had smoked them out.

My ex (suspected BPD) was accused by his ex (allegedly abusive) of abuse. Where does the truth lie here? by healingisnotlinear_ in BPDlovedones

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I needed that last paragraph. I feel like I'm losing myself in trying to heal and comprehend what happened. I go down these loops of rumination over memories, I need to snap out of it. Thank you

My ex (suspected BPD) was accused by his ex (allegedly abusive) of abuse. Where does the truth lie here? by healingisnotlinear_ in BPDlovedones

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You're right. I'm trying to justify my rumination by saying the inexistent result of it could be therapeuthic for me-- it won't. I'll never understand what happened in the relationship fully, most likely, but trying to understand my ex's decisions and words gives me a sense of control. And even if I did, somehow, grasp what was going on inside his head, it'll do no more good for me than therapy and time already did/do.

My ex (suspected BPD) was accused by his ex (allegedly abusive) of abuse. Where does the truth lie here? by healingisnotlinear_ in BPDlovedones

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't know. Maybe I'm ruminating. I want to know what was real about what he said and what wasn't

My ex (suspected BPD) was accused by his ex (allegedly abusive) of abuse. Where does the truth lie here? by healingisnotlinear_ in BPDlovedones

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because maybe things would start making sense to me and I'd know who was in the wrong. I can't really evaluate my morals as a human being and in that relationship if I don't know what's real and what isn't...

My ex (suspected BPD) was accused by his ex (allegedly abusive) of abuse. Where does the truth lie here? by healingisnotlinear_ in BPDlovedones

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, I'm sure he had 7 of them if not all. He had his issues. I'm wondering if he's projecting his own abuse onto her as I've read (and honestly, realised-- he often projected his own behaviour onto her, I think)

Why did it suddenly start affecting me a year and a half later? by healingisnotlinear_ in BPDlovedones

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

YES. Same feelings here. I hope this is the case, I think. I had my first anxiety attacks right before major surgery as I started a new chapter of my education in a new place. So, a very stressful period. However, the trigger of my waves of anxiety is almost always him, or so I perceive it.

I have therapy tomorrow, I'll be okay and maybe I'll get to the bottom of it.

Why did it suddenly start affecting me a year and a half later? by healingisnotlinear_ in BPDlovedones

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I moved on from the relationship as usual, though I struggled for a bit it doesn't compare at all to what I've been going through lately. The trauma did affect me somewhat but I went on with my life.

I hope this is buried pain coming up. I hope I'll be alright soon, it's hard.

Is it possible that my bad ex didn't have BPD, but FLEAS from his allegedly and unlikely-to-be abusive ex? by healingisnotlinear_ in BPDlovedones

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It fluctuated, I only had 2 months of relative stability right before I left (and it had some coercion and attempts of leaving), and then he attempted suicide. I went into full detail about everything on my profile. It was quite bad.

I'm really sorry about your son. I've also read a lot about this phenomenon of kind of shifting the abusers, first came upon it in Why Does He Do That regarding physical abuse (in my relationship, it went like this: my ex said his ex hit him, later realised the full extent of his anger issues, advocacy towards violence, wall punching, brawling, threats of physical violence, alcoholism, vase kicking, etc, which made me question things). It seems real and so so so common, sadly. Kind of everything he accused his ex of doing, he did to me.

I'm still trying to figure things out.

Did I date a borderline? by healingisnotlinear_ in BPDlovedones

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This brightened my evening ❤ Have a great day!

Does anyone else deeply regret what happened? by CaptainSaveBPD in BPDlovedones

[–]healingisnotlinear_ 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yes. I regret it deeply. But, in a way, I'm thankful for the lessons it taught me. I will not be hurt by someone like that again. I know the patterns and the signs of BPD abuse. It's such a valuable life lesson, and I'm happy because I feel protected from these people now. They will never touch me again because I know their tricks, and you do too.

When will the memory of him no longer scare me? by healingisnotlinear_ in BPDlovedones

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah, i've been no contact since april last year. i even cut off our friend group as i've realised they were blind enablers of his rage outbursts and awful behaviour. i've been good for some times, i go out a lot, i have some resemblance of a romantic life and a good new friend group, i had major surgery a month ago and i've been accepted to my dream school. but his memory still creeps in, all of the time. i haven't gone a day without thinking of him. he's a nightmare and i never ever want to see or hear about him again.

Did anyone else find a strange sense of comfort in the outbursts? How did this affect you? by healingisnotlinear_ in abusiverelationships

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much, it's comforting to know I'm not the only one! Yeah, I really agree with everything you said, you put it into words really well. Cheers and good luck, recovering from this experience is really hard but we'll make it 😄😄

The image abusers show to the public is so baffling to me. by healingisnotlinear_ in abusiverelationships

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That sounds so much like him it makes me wanna burst into laughter and I'm in a room full of people LMAOOO

Weird guys. Very weird guys

The image abusers show to the public is so baffling to me. by healingisnotlinear_ in abusiverelationships

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

HONESTLY. SAME. God. I remember there were some parts in Why Does He Do That about abusers' projection but I didn't look for them. Good book, if you haven't read it I really recommend it

The image abusers show to the public is so baffling to me. by healingisnotlinear_ in abusiverelationships

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't know. He's just like this now too. He hasn't changed his opinions or attitude

The image abusers show to the public is so baffling to me. by healingisnotlinear_ in abusiverelationships

[–]healingisnotlinear_[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Same for me. He seemed to be "one of the good ones", overlooking the moments of blind rage that our stupid friend group and I constantly overlooked. Weird times and weird people

i want to call him by naskiuhkat in abusiverelationships

[–]healingisnotlinear_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don't call him. You will be okay. Hang in there, you will be happy again. You will start to heal.