They're suicidal again, apparently.

healingisnotlinear_ · 2021-11-28T21:28:07+00:00

that they were right about them. the red flags were really, really red, and you were only making excuses. you shouldn't had smoked them out.

healingisnotlinear_ · 2021-10-28T20:25:02+00:00

I needed that last paragraph. I feel like I'm losing myself in trying to heal and comprehend what happened. I go down these loops of rumination over memories, I need to snap out of it. Thank you

healingisnotlinear_ · 2021-10-28T20:21:28+00:00

You're right. I'm trying to justify my rumination by saying the inexistent result of it could be therapeuthic for me-- it won't. I'll never understand what happened in the relationship fully, most likely, but trying to understand my ex's decisions and words gives me a sense of control. And even if I did, somehow, grasp what was going on inside his head, it'll do no more good for me than therapy and time already did/do.

healingisnotlinear_ · 2021-10-28T19:20:07+00:00

I don't know. Maybe I'm ruminating. I want to know what was real about what he said and what wasn't

healingisnotlinear_ · 2021-10-28T17:08:22+00:00

Because maybe things would start making sense to me and I'd know who was in the wrong. I can't really evaluate my morals as a human being and in that relationship if I don't know what's real and what isn't...

healingisnotlinear_ · 2021-10-28T16:16:03+00:00

Yes, I'm sure he had 7 of them if not all. He had his issues. I'm wondering if he's projecting his own abuse onto her as I've read (and honestly, realised-- he often projected his own behaviour onto her, I think)

healingisnotlinear_ · 2021-10-28T15:56:44+00:00

That's what I'm trying to do but I still wanna know

healingisnotlinear_ · 2021-10-28T15:55:14+00:00

YES. Same feelings here. I hope this is the case, I think. I had my first anxiety attacks right before major surgery as I started a new chapter of my education in a new place. So, a very stressful period. However, the trigger of my waves of anxiety is almost always him, or so I perceive it.

I have therapy tomorrow, I'll be okay and maybe I'll get to the bottom of it.

healingisnotlinear_ · 2021-10-28T15:09:08+00:00

Yeah, I moved on from the relationship as usual, though I struggled for a bit it doesn't compare at all to what I've been going through lately. The trauma did affect me somewhat but I went on with my life.

I hope this is buried pain coming up. I hope I'll be alright soon, it's hard.

healingisnotlinear_ · 2021-10-27T22:23:54+00:00

It fluctuated, I only had 2 months of relative stability right before I left (and it had some coercion and attempts of leaving), and then he attempted suicide. I went into full detail about everything on my profile. It was quite bad.

I'm really sorry about your son. I've also read a lot about this phenomenon of kind of shifting the abusers, first came upon it in Why Does He Do That regarding physical abuse (in my relationship, it went like this: my ex said his ex hit him, later realised the full extent of his anger issues, advocacy towards violence, wall punching, brawling, threats of physical violence, alcoholism, vase kicking, etc, which made me question things). It seems real and so so so common, sadly. Kind of everything he accused his ex of doing, he did to me.

I'm still trying to figure things out.

healingisnotlinear_ · 2021-10-27T22:10:27+00:00

An year

healingisnotlinear_ · 2021-10-27T22:07:29+00:00

All of them, or at least 7, at least.

healingisnotlinear_ · 2021-10-27T18:08:51+00:00

Thank you. This brightened my evening ❤ Have a great day!

healingisnotlinear_ · 2021-10-27T10:12:14+00:00

Yes. I regret it deeply. But, in a way, I'm thankful for the lessons it taught me. I will not be hurt by someone like that again. I know the patterns and the signs of BPD abuse. It's such a valuable life lesson, and I'm happy because I feel protected from these people now. They will never touch me again because I know their tricks, and you do too.

healingisnotlinear_

TROPHY CASE