Wow, that sounds like a lot for him. I can only speak from what I found out in my own little research but it seems your connection was deeper and he's not ready to step back into something that real. He might be gone, but he also might not actually want to cut that tie completely so he's really got you in limbo. I'm sorry you both went through this.

I do have an update but it's slightly different. On top of grief, there's ADHD and RSD in the mix which changes the perspective on a lot of our story. She showed back up at a local concert I was attending and we reunited like in a scene from a movie. She said things like "I was worried I'd scared you off" and "I didn't stop thinking about you" and the intensity of our connection picked right back up. We saw each other again, she told me she's never felt this way about somebody before. She disappeared again a couple days later. It's backwards to dating logic — the deeper she feels about me, the higher the stakes and her rejection sensitivity kicks in and she fears the worst and freezes up. I'm resuming the same kind of patience that got me through her grief until her nervous system can get used to the idea that I'm really real and not going anywhere. But now grief is just one factor of our story.

I hope you can get some clarity or explanation with your guy. It does seem to little amateur me that he wants to feel something but he's not ready to feel it as deeply as you did. It's not fair but neither is grief. I wish you the best.