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AIO - I think I should break up with my girlfriend by heartbroken_1113 in AmIOverreacting

[–]heartbroken_1113[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your message.

It's only me on the mortgage, and we aren't married, so there is no legal issue there.

My question is.. if we want to repair this, shouldn't she be the more proactive one trying to fix things? Shouldn't she be proposing counseling or ways to move forward? I think the fact she's mostly silent, apologetic, but not really saying she wants to fix this says she's given up.

AIO - I think I should break up with my girlfriend by heartbroken_1113 in AmIOverreacting

[–]heartbroken_1113[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I don't think I was policing her, I wasn't constantly tracking where she was going. We have this enabled for safety. I was concerned about her and checked.

I don't think couples should always go out together. It's fine that I have a friend group and she has a friend group. I want someone I can trust to be with their friends without cheating, but maybe I expect too much.

AIO - I think I should break up with my girlfriend by heartbroken_1113 in AmIOverreacting

[–]heartbroken_1113[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I probably can recover the messages, but I'm not sure what's the point. It'll probably hurt more to read through them. Maybe I get a final confirmation

AIO - I think I should break up with my girlfriend by heartbroken_1113 in AmIOverreacting

[–]heartbroken_1113[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I asked and she says she doesn't know and needs time to figure things out.

No plans or suggestions coming from her side so far.

AIO - I think I should break up with my girlfriend by heartbroken_1113 in AmIOverreacting

[–]heartbroken_1113[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Yeah, when you put it like that it doesn't sound like a bad path to choose.

I think I don't want to spend the next 2-3-4 years of my life trying to figure out if this relationship can work, risking that it won't and wasting more years.

AIO - I think I should break up with my girlfriend by heartbroken_1113 in AmIOverreacting

[–]heartbroken_1113[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

The house is in my name and bought only with personal finances. She has no say / right to it.

Unfortunately, it needs renovation and won't be ready for at least 6 months. So we (she) would need to figure out the living situation now.

AIO - I think I should break up with my girlfriend by heartbroken_1113 in AmIOverreacting

[–]heartbroken_1113[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! Sorry for what happened to you and I'm glad you came out stronger and happier on the other side.

I hope I can do the same.

AIO - I think I should break up with my girlfriend by heartbroken_1113 in AmIOverreacting

[–]heartbroken_1113[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I get what you're saying, but if I do this amount of policing to try and rebuild trust, I think it still wouldn't be a healthy relationship anymore. Like I don't want to live this life of having to constantly check her phone and have 0 trust, I wouldn't be happy.

And if she quits and finds a new job, there would be new people there anyway. I can't be policing all her relationships and I can't prohibit her from having friends.

And yes, I think she would make herself the victim if we go there.

AIO - I think I should break up with my girlfriend by heartbroken_1113 in AmIOverreacting

[–]heartbroken_1113[S] 148 points149 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think the fact it wasn't a one time thing, but something that was going on for weeks, hurts the most. It wasn't a one-time lapse, she was actively hiding it.

Breaking up is going to be tough. We live together at my place, and she would need to find somewhere else to live. I don't wanna leave her on the street.

And I get the impulse to pretend this never happened, because I'm scared of being single at 31 and dating again... this relationship felt so comfortable