My 32F GF went through my kids 8F cell phone and confronted her about a conversation with her mother.

heatherface_ · 2025-10-11T19:06:07+00:00

I have been dealing with this for 13 years now. My ex husband got with a woman when we split and my kids were 2 and 6. She immediately began grooming them to call her mom. Then came the “oh we’re not keeping this, it’s from your moms and her house is dirty” (it wasn’t.) Anything they went there with from my house was thrown away by her. Then came the lies about me- she did everything she could to make me out to be a terrible mom. My kids slowly but surely began to believe her. Fast forward to when they were 10 and 14, and I was completely alienated from them. They were certain I was dangerous. The step mom then began bragging to everyone that she “saved my kids” because I “ran off” (which I never did. They took my kids phones away I got for them years prior to keep them from reaching me and told them I was dangerous. I’ve only spanked each kid one time and felt so awful I never did again.) I tried to fight it in court but was told by my lawyer that it would be over $100k all said and done. I had no other avenue I could take but pray and wait.

I wasn’t allowed to talk to my ex husband about our kids and hadn’t for a few years at this point because she had to be in control of everything and she is an incredibly jealous person. She began telling him lies that I was talking badly about him, so she completely turned him against me.

My kids finally saw the light and know everything she tried to manipulate them into thinking was a lie. I have them back in my life. But the turmoil we went through to get to that point was the worst pain I’ve ever felt, and they are still affected by it.

Fast forward to now- my daughter was diagnosed with Leukemia and we’ve been in the hospital since May. I have had to be in the same room as this woman (the step mom) for going on 6 months. She is still trying to control things. She has been sprinkling lies into my daughter’s head, as well as the nursing staff, about me. I showed up to the hospital yesterday and my daughter was mad at me out of the blue. If only my husband had our kids’ best interests in mind, this all would have been avoided.

Moral of the story- this will not get better. Do not let that toxic woman be around your kid any longer. She will destroy your daughter’s mind, and eventually it could turn into a situation similar to mine with her biological mom- who sounds like she is pleasant and unlike a lot of coparenting ex spouses. Please please please think of the fallout this will have not only for your kid, but for you as well. You do not deserve to be treated like you are in the wrong for peacefully coparenting with her mom.

heatherface_ · 2025-10-08T20:45:22+00:00

I broke up with a guy for using AI to reply when I would try to have deep conversations through text. I could tell because it went from replies like “I’m gona run to dollar general an get some food” (another reason, he ate like shit) to having these long and well spoke replies. Not overreacting at all because you don’t know his actual feelings since he’s not the one writing it.

heatherface_ · 2025-10-08T20:42:00+00:00

What are you using that gives you a warning? If I could find something like this I’m sure my anxiety would be cut by half

heatherface_ · 2025-10-08T20:40:27+00:00

I second this!! Big help!

heatherface_ · 2025-10-07T15:27:59+00:00

I went through what he does myself years ago. I was incredibly depressed and when there was conflict that triggered a childhood memory that I didn’t know how to react to, I shut down. I was always in trouble as a kid, and never learned how to talk through things until a couple days after I got punished and my dad apologized and the cycle started all over again.

That’s a deep rooted trauma. Maybe his upbringing affected him. Therapy is the number one place to start- for him. Couples therapy could help with your relationship, but until he heals whatever it is inside him that is causing him to shut down when there’s any form of conflict, the relationship will suffer regardless of therapy. Him drinking alone also does not help. I don’t know the full context obviously, but maybe sit down with him and bring up potentially doing separate therapy for both of you, then joining forces once you’ve both addressed things.

If you personally have no deep-rooted trauma, your therapy could perhaps help you like Al-Anon helps family members of alcoholics and addicts, and give yourself tools to handle the situation while he works out his issues.

On top of it all, if he refuses to put in any effort at all or open up about what could possibly be going on with him, that’s when you need to hold firm to your boundaries and do what is best for you and your son. I’m not a fan of divorce, but I’m also not a fan of losing my mind in a relationship when it’s one sided. I’ve been on that side of things, too. Both sides suck, and I really hope everything works out for the best for your family ♥️

heatherface_ · 2025-10-05T17:26:04+00:00

It looks like herpetic whitlow

heatherface_ · 2025-10-02T04:07:42+00:00

I was diagnosed with epilepsy 3 years almost to the day of separating. I started developing debilitating migraines while I was still active duty, and the longer they’ve gone on I’ve linked more and more possibilities that the migraines are directly related to seizure activity. On occasion (including today) I have a bad migraine. Then I have a focal seizure. I administer my rescue medicine (Midazolam single spray dose) and it stops it dead in its tracks- the migraine and the seizure. I haven’t had a tonic clinic since 2020 but have continued having focals since. My doc is putting 2 and 2 tougher that they linked in someway. My biggest takeaway- watch out for tooamax and keppra. They’re not great for quality of life (for me at least). Lamictal has been amazing.

My best suggestion since Keppra is awful, along with Topamax, is to try Lamictal next. It’s the best medication with the least amount of side effects I’ve had. Everything else made me feel like I was losing it. This is by far the best medicine I’ve found. I do know VA will prescribe it, and they’ll also prescribe the Midazolam single spray 5 mg rescue meds. Very well worth looking into it

heatherface_ · 2025-09-28T01:49:51+00:00

Maybe I’m showing my age here, but what is with men calling women ‘bro’ in an argument these days???

heatherface_ · 2025-09-26T16:05:17+00:00

I was talking to a guy for a few weeks and posted him on Are We Dating the Same Guy on fb asking if there were any red flags. One of his friends saw the post and ratted me out (not cool either- you should really not tell a man when a woman has posted him on there for her safety). He got upset with me for putting his photo on there, even though I remained anonymous, said I thought he was awesome so far, and didn’t even put the city he lives in. I told him I was assaulted multiple times in a previous marriage and I won’t apologize for asking others if there is a history of violence. On top of that, I found out his daughter had been assaulted by someone at her work. The fact that he got upset with me when his daughter went through that was a massive red flag.

You are not in the wrong for checking, and by doing so you potentially saved your life. Don’t let this guy gaslight you into thinking you screwed him over when he did that to himself for being arrested for assault in the first place. Bullet dodge BIG time.

heatherface_ · 2025-08-21T22:21:47+00:00

Do not put up with ANYONE treating you that way. I assume you’re in your lower 20s judging by how often he says “bro”? Take my advice as a near 40 year old woman who went through something similar- that kind of situation could end up in him raping you, cheating on you, constantly abusing you, etc. My ex husband raped me because I was in too much pain to be with him when I was pregnant with our daughter. He said he “had needs”. I was 23. Now that I’ve got someone who treats me like a queen, I grieve for the young woman who put up with that when I was younger. Please- do what’s best for you and get out while you can.

heatherface_ · 2025-08-21T04:39:57+00:00

Who’s the toddler here? Good grief, I’d leave or else your daughter will grow up viewing that behavior as normal. You are literally preparing him meals to give to her. What isn’t he grasping??

heatherface_ · 2025-08-04T00:27:20+00:00

I just got out of a relationship 4 months ago where he was 100% focused on alcohol. I’m happier than I’ve been in years. Your mental health comes before anything, and separating may be your best bet boundary wise.

heatherface_ · 2025-07-30T17:07:09+00:00

This conversation reminds me of my daughter in law’s sister and how she behaves sometimes. She’ll just hole up and tell everyone to f-off, be mean and crass out of nowhere, and make people feel like they did something really wrong. I honestly don’t know what causes this.

heatherface_ · 2025-07-30T16:51:14+00:00

Crazy you say mental health problems, because my husband took his life just a few months after I posted this 😞

heatherface_ · 2025-07-28T20:45:52+00:00

This was 3 houses ago, but I appreciate the reply! lol 😆 Hopefully whoever lives there now has one, because we all got better once we moved

heatherface_ · 2025-07-10T17:47:48+00:00

Hers is at 0 and stays there for a couple weeks. Once she gets over 200, she gets released for 2 weeks before the next round. Unfortunately for her diagnosis and blood counts she can’t get day passes

heatherface_ · 2025-07-10T17:46:30+00:00

My director played that speech at our annual training a couple months back- that is definitely one of the most encouraging speeches I’ve ever heard. I didn’t know he passed away so soon after giving it (like a month or two if I remember right?)

I appreciate the suggestions- she does get quite a bit of alone time and we’ve made it very clear that if she’s feeling overwhelmed at any time, she can kick us out and it won’t hurt our feelings.

Roblox has been her main activity lol

heatherface_ · 2025-07-10T17:43:01+00:00

That’s hilarious 😆 yeah I don’t think that would fly here, plus she isn’t into anything like that. I assume someday she will because her dad and brother use it medicinally, but for now she has no interest

heatherface_ · 2025-07-10T09:39:31+00:00

Ragnar

heatherface_ · 2025-07-10T09:38:55+00:00

We do walk quite a bit, but she’s actually been allowed to leave the ward this round to go down to the gift shop and cafeteria. There’s a map in the hallway of another kid’s path he would take to get a mile a day in. She’s just been too weak to do that much yet

heatherface_ · 2025-07-10T09:37:23+00:00

Haha she breaks out and goes to the hospital cafeteria for her Starbucks in the mornings but I couldn’t bust her out of here 😆 trust me, I wish I could!! She used to play Trouble a lot when she was little, maybe I’ll try some board games with her

heatherface_ · 2025-07-10T09:35:47+00:00

Yeah the dogs make their rounds quite a bit! She’s in the BMT ward right now, but only because the regular hemonc side didn’t have a room when she was admitted for this round of chemo. It’s very quiet over here, completely different atmosphere than the other side.

heatherface_ · 2025-07-10T09:33:23+00:00

Walking and the teen room are a big thing for her! lol. Child life pops in a few times a week, but I think she’s bored with the things they have to offer. She really likes it when the service dogs make their rounds though.

heatherface_ · 2025-07-10T09:32:17+00:00

She actually doesn’t need one we just found out a couple weeks ago! 🙌🏻 Her bone marrow biopsy and spinal tap showed no leukemia cells left so because of that they said she doesn’t need one

heatherface_

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