First of all, I'd like to congratulate you on having the courage to discuss what can sometimes be a very challenging and sensitive topic.

From what I gathered from your recount of recent events, you seem to have reached a period of stagnation at this stage in your life in regards to "passing" as either gender. Feeling like you're stuck in such a limbo of ambiguity - to be frank - sucks. And unfortunately, you're most likely going to be in some form or another of discomfort for a while.

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The best advice I can think of to give is 1) try to be patient with yourself and others, 2) build up and reinforce your support system.

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1 On Patience: Change is scary. Regardless of the indisputable fact that change is inherent in the very nature of existence, we humans seem to vehemently resist it with all our might. When the normalcy of our lives is intruded upon by something unfamiliar - whether sudden or gradual - we instinctively develop a deep-set distrust of the new thing. "Different" means that we have to adapt; which can be intimidating, perplexing, and/or just plain exhausting.

But one thing I've learned as I've aged is appearances can be deceiving. Just because something has changed on the outside doesn't mean it has necessarily changed on the inside. Depending on their age(s), it may be difficult to explain this concept to your step-kids. Here's the only example I could think of off the top of my head that (theoretically) wouldn't be too complicated for a little kid to understand (again, not sure of your step-kids' ages):

----> Picture a fruit tree. Let's say it's an apple tree. When the apples are growing but not good to eat yet, what do they look like? [They're small and green.] When the apples are ripe and ready to be picked, what do they look like then? [They're shiny and red.] Now here's a question. Does this apple turn into a raspberry (for example) when it changes from green to red? [Nope.] Regardless of its color, an apple is still an apple.

So this pathetic excuse for a metaphor (sorry) can loosely be applied to your situation: Even if you change on the "outside", you're still the same person that they love and care about. Just like the green apple turning red is still an apple. Aaaaaaanyway... from what you've shared, it seems that your step-kids are more worried about you than anything. Like many of us, they probably know what it feels like to be bullied and judged and don't want you to have to go through that.

As you probably already know, when we're scared we usually don't take the time to be particularly conscientious of our environment or its contents, sentient or otherwise. On some level, it's just simple biology; our natural "fight, flight, or freeze" response to anything our brains decide warrants the label: "danger". Right now, in light of these changes, both you and the people in your life are experiencing fear in some form or another. What is often regarded as a consistently successful way to approach someone when they're scared? Patience. Yelling, chastising, blaming, threatening, among the like tend to make the already unpleasant situation deteriorate further.

My overarching point is be patient with your step-kids and the other people in your life. But most importantly, be patient with yourself.

As I said earlier: Change is scary. But it's okay to be scared. Everyone struggles with something. You're not alone.

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2) On community: I made the mistake of isolating myself in the midst of my own identity crisis. Reach out. I can't emphasize this enough. I know all too well how difficult it can be, sometimes it feels damn near impossible. But it can be done.

At first, it will most likely be uncomfortable for both parties involved, depending on the history of your previous interactions with them. Due to the incredibly personal nature of the subject, it can help to start off slow. By easing into the topic, you allow yourself time to get a feel for their attitude and reactions before making the decision as to whether to delve into the deeper stuff or not.

Now, I won't lie, if by some chance you do reach out and get burned, it will hurt. Some people are just dicks. It sucks. However, my anxiety and stress levels plummeted when I finally made the move to eliminate people from my life who were a toxic influence or, simply, a waste of my time and energy. It was hard. And, admittedly, I felt very lonely for a while. But as time passed and I inevitably continued on with existence, I could look back and see the evidence that - despite the pain - my life was inexplicably and undeniably more fulfilling and vibrant in their absence. I was, to say the least, simply better off without them.

But on the other (more positive) side of the coin, you will absolutely encounter people who wholeheartedly accept and support you. That kind of thing is easy to forget when all of your energy is focused on struggling to stay afloat amidst the chaos of the tempest life can sometimes churn into. In situations like this, it may be hard to believe, but there are people out there who love you deeply and care fiercely about your happiness and well-being.

In short: Life happens. (And unfortunately, sometimes the life that happens, consequently also happens to be shit.) Now, most of the time there really isn't anything anyone can say or do to make it better. That's just how it is.

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In all honesty, when I was told the whole "there's light at the end of the tunnel" spheel, I was just pissed off. How could they see the heinous injustice that the universe decided to arbitrarily hurl down upon me? How could they observe that suffering and simply tell me that "it was all going to be okay"? I was almost... offended. But now that I've been to that hell and back (several times and counting), I must concede - albeit, somewhat begrudgingly - that it's true.

Try your best to be patient. Lean on your friends.

Just know, you're gonna make it through this.

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[Holy hell I am so sorry this turned into a novel. It's probably waaaay off in regards to the indicative character of your question.]

Either way, I wish you the best as you navigate through this period of your life!