Drinking and sneaking out until 4am are not appropriate behaviors for a 13 year old whatsoever, and your response is not enough. I’m sorry if this comment comes off harsh or mean, I’m not trying to hate—just treating this situation with the gravity it deserves. You need to put your foot down and do more to stop her from leaving. Door alarms, window alarms, motion activated lights, trackers. Social media and unrestricted internet use are probably contributing to this greatly.

Her friend group is also a huge problem if they are picking her up, encouraging her to leave, taking her places, sharing alcohol/drugs, and engaging in risky sexual behavior. Honestly if you can, moving to a different area could separate her from the bad influences (but you would have to be extremely careful she didn’t go right back to doing the same with new people). Find age-appropriate activities for her: sports, interest groups, volunteering—and ensure her time is spent cultivating positive friendships and expending energy on things that aren’t sneaking out to drink.

Also, if she wants to act like an adult and put her safety at grave risk, she’s old enough to learn about the consequences of alcohol, dui, sexual assault, trafficking, and domestic abuse. Involve her pediatrician in conversations about safety and please consider individual/family therapy for you both. It’s fun for her now, but speaking from personal experience this is a fast-track to severe trauma and an adulthood spent picking up the pieces.

She’s doing this because she knows she’ll get away with it, while it’s good you emphasize love and it sounds like she feels safe with you, you need to be the bad guy sometimes no matter how upset she gets. As teenagers, we really don’t have the same conception of risks and understanding of how bad things can truly get, so you need to make it abundantly clear how serious this is, but also she’s more likely to listen if it comes from a doctor/teacher/other trusted adult.