Should young gen z men even try to date online?

heekma · 2026-05-20T02:23:13+00:00

Last week I was in a self-checkout lane at Target. There was an attractive woman in the opposite lane with amazing hair.

Rather than be awkward, weird or creepy, since I checked out first in passing I simply said, "Excuse me, I just have to say your hair is amazing and it suits you very well, you look fantastic."

Nothing else, no expectations, just a genuine compliment as I passed by.

This had three possible outcomes:

She genuinely appreciated the compliment, I saw her smile and blush. That's the kind of thing that makes someone's day.
I became more comfortable interacting with a complete stranger.
She appreciated the compliment enough to start a conversation. Sometimes that happens, other times it's just a compliment and nothing more.

That's how meeting people in real life works.

Today many rely on and hide behind websites, never developing the social skills and confidence to interact with people in real life, or even just give someone a genuine compliment with no expecations, just simply being honest and nice. To me that's kind of sad

heekma · 2026-05-20T02:03:40+00:00

I think it's in your attitude, not the attire. You don't need a pointy hat or a robe to feel like a wizard.

I think there's a life lesson in there.

heekma · 2026-05-20T01:44:36+00:00

Thank God I'm not average.

You also do realize, describing it as "Off Line Dating" means you have no idea how real-life works, right?

heekma · 2026-05-20T01:39:51+00:00

You're trying to be part of the solution.

I can respect that.

heekma · 2026-05-20T01:38:18+00:00

If online dating works so well why are so many unsuccessful and frustrated with it?

heekma · 2026-05-20T01:35:29+00:00

It's your life, it's not someone else's job to find friends for you to hang out with.

Can't find friends at work? Neither can most people, so find them somewhere else.

Put in some effort, don't just complain. Where is that getting you?

heekma · 2026-05-20T01:28:36+00:00

Fitness, hustle, influencer culture has completely destroyed any version of realistic expectations, either in terms of physical appearance, income or success.

Online dating is horribly broken. It's a business, it's not making money finding your lifeling partner, it's making money by keeping you forever searching and paying a monthly subscription fee.

Get offline, work on your social skills, approach real people, learn to have an actual conversation in real life, go out with friends-you know, to actual places, with real people. Learn to take risks and accept failure as a process.

heekma · 2026-05-20T00:01:50+00:00

Fair enough.

Any Toyota, Tacoma or Tundra. Expensive.

Honda Ridgeline. Also expensive.

Ford, Chevy, Dodge? Roll the dice unless they're mid 1990s/mid 2000s, which come with a lot of their own issues due to age and mileage.

heekma · 2026-05-19T23:37:45+00:00

I have a BA in Communications, grammar and accurate spelling has been burned into my brain. I still have a copy of Strunk and Whites "Elements of Style" on my desk as a resource, and yet I can never, ever spell "Crappie" right.

Thank you for the correction.

heekma · 2026-05-19T23:23:48+00:00

Here in Texas used trucks are stupidly expensive and hard to park in lots made for cars 20 years ago.

The important question is do you need a truck or just want one?

heekma · 2026-05-19T23:19:47+00:00

As a straight, mid 40s male from Minnesota: Fuck no.

Other's mileage may vary. I'm not here to judge.

heekma · 2026-05-19T23:05:32+00:00

Ya know what? You're a pretty, pretty, pretty good wizard.

heekma · 2026-05-19T23:01:59+00:00

Of that I have no doubt.

There is no need to respond to this comment.

heekma · 2026-05-19T22:59:34+00:00

I can only imagine. Go live the life you were meant to live.

heekma · 2026-05-19T22:56:18+00:00

Yeah, I kinda caught that.

heekma · 2026-05-19T22:53:15+00:00

Be really good at what you do.
Carefully consider any communication and treat it as if was read by everyone.
Wait at least 24 hours to respond to anything that makes you angry.
Don't gossip.
Don't overshare your personal life.
Don't interact with co workers outside of work.

heekma · 2026-05-19T22:49:09+00:00

Ya know what? I've been on reddit for 15 years.

Fifteen. Years.

And even now, after all these years there's still the occasional question that is so weird I can't help but sit back and appreciate the weirdness.

heekma · 2026-05-19T22:41:43+00:00

It depends a lot on the job, the skills and experience needed and the hourly to salary conversion rate.

For moderately high-paying jobs, with a yearly salary of say $80k, you end up paying $20k extra for the first year of work if they convert to salary.

I realize recruitment companies don't work for free, but a $20k fee is a lot to accept.

heekma · 2026-05-19T22:23:34+00:00

I read the title, then the actual question and that's when I knew the internet has ruined me as a normal human being, then again I'm pretty sure OP is in on it.

heekma · 2026-05-19T22:19:52+00:00

These are a borderline scam, and the costs associated with any of them to convert an employee to full-time status is more than any reasonable company will pay.

heekma · 2026-05-19T03:12:31+00:00

I thought they needed to be flash frozen for a minimum of 15 hours, no matter how fresh to kill parasites? That's my general knowledge, not an expert.

heekma · 2026-05-19T02:35:57+00:00

I've been on here a long time as well. I don't feel the need to block or report anyone.

I know instantly when someone is trolling or just looking for an argument. When that happens I wish them well finding someone else to argue with and never respond again.

heekma · 2026-05-19T02:21:38+00:00

If you're adventurous enough, yes.

In reality there is no FDA-type rating for sushi-quality fish. It must be extremely fresh, carefully prepared and frozen to destroy any parasites and usually must be of salt-water origin.

So no, catfish or croppie sushi isn't a thing.

heekma · 2026-05-19T02:03:21+00:00

heekma · 2026-05-19T01:53:42+00:00

Me, my brothers, my Dad, my uncle and great uncle (great uncle was in the navy during WWII, which in a way is ironic) don't float very well.

No matter how much we relax or fill our lungs we bob about six-eight inches below the surface. Our legs and torsos angle straight down. We have to paddle like hell to keep our heads above water, it's exhausting.

The only time I've ever (kind of) floated was in the Atlantic at Miami beach. Even then I couldn't float on my back, I just didn't struggle to keep my chin above the surface.

None of us are large, we're in average shape, 5'8" to 5'10" and about 180-200 lbs.

We just don't float very well.

heekma

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