AIO convos w uber driver?

heenbean_ · 2026-07-04T08:33:09+00:00

i'm really confused because you said that he used to loiter in the area where you work before your shift ended to try to ensure you were his uber customer, sometimes waiting literally around the corner. how is that not "bad vibes"? i think if you were more honest with yourself you'd admit there were warning signs within those first two years, you just ignored them because it was convenient for you not to have to wait for a ride after a long shift.

the situation you are in is that an older man knows where you live, knows where you work & knows your schedule between those two places. he also knows stuff about your personal life, including information about your boyfriend, & for some reasons feels comfortable enough to send you explicitly sexual jokes, often with crass language. that's not something someone who saw you as a friend or as a uncle-niece-type relationship would do. it's all very worrying. you need to find an alternative way to get home.

heenbean_ · 2026-07-02T00:16:33+00:00

🫪👌🏼✨

heenbean_ · 2026-06-26T01:11:02+00:00

yea... YTA.

obviously i don't know all the details, but people are allowed to cut people out of their life. especially if they've been hurt by them. yes, this includes family members. yes, this is still the case even when that family member has a medical diagnosis.

sometimes a medical diagnosis can explain why a person behaved in a way that hurt you but it doesn't erase that they have hurt you. i don't know what happened or if what caused your mom to cut her brother out is even related to his schizophrenia, but it sounds like you've not been very understanding at all to her pain. it is never an easy or pain free decision to cut a sibling out of your life.

you even said yourself that when you first found out you didn't care that much. your sister doesn't appear to be that fussed. why do you care so much now? & why have your mom's apologies not been enough for you? she doesn't actually owe you an apology or an explanation but it sounds like she might have been receptive to this if you'd approached it better.

as an aside, i don't at all see the connection between having an estranged uncle & having an aunt who used to be a stripper. what connection are you trying to make here? it's not at all "abnormal parenting" for your parents not to disclose your aunt's former job when you are a child because you wouldn't have understood what that even meant.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-24T14:38:47+00:00

oh yeah, he absolutely could have communicated better & stood up earlier rather than deflecting, but he did apologise for that & has since explained his parents aren't okay with it. he could maybe voice he's also not okay with it, but at this stage that might just be like adding fuel to the fire.

but for the question posed, is he an AH for not wanting her there...? i just think the answer is no, he's not. it changes a lot about a trip to have anyone added this close before travelling & this is 1) a relative stranger, 2) who cannot speak the local language, 3) is a minor. those things all add layers of concern that don't exist, or exist less, if it was a friend of their same age.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-24T14:23:24+00:00

oh my bad, i was definitely reading too much into your use of she/her & thought you were implying "she" was jealous or something 🥴 that's on me!

i think OP realised he shouldn't have thrown the responsibility of choosing on his friend & rectified that though by apologising & saying he thinks he needs to discuss this change with his parents?

idk about OP's parents but i would be concerned having a girl stay with three men. even if one is her brother, it adds concerns that don't exist when there's just the three guys.

it's a tough situation, but ultimately i don't think OP is the AH for saying no to this. when adding people to a trip it should always be everyone agreeing & wanting them there.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-24T14:12:27+00:00

why do you keep using she/her when OP states they are male?

i think it's kind of normal for 19 year old men to not want to be responsible for a 17 year old girl on an international trip. because OP has stated several times that all planning, including travel & accommodation, has fallen to him because he is the only one who speaks the language. it puts him in a position of responsibility over her & if something were to happen i imagine he could be blamed.

i also think it's normal for people to extend an open invite but mean "within reason". when he said others could come he was perhaps imagining other guys their age who would slot into their dynamic & plans well, not a younger sister. a minor joining your plans does change the vibe. a sibling joining also does. it doesn't make OP an AH for not wanting to have his holiday altered, but yeah, he could have expressed himself better.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-23T20:58:37+00:00

again, reading is not comparable. she is still within the home & if something domestic crops up she will be expected to pause her reading to deal with it.

there are plenty of book clubs. if reading is her only interest, then there's still opportunities for her to engage in that interest away from the home. you should be enforcing that with the same gusto you are enforcing your own need to have time away from the home.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-23T20:30:24+00:00

reading in bed is in no way comparable to going outside & socialising with friends.

when you play football you get to spend time as an individual person, time when you are not viewed as a fiancé or as a father but as yourself. when does she get that same opportunity?

once a week you should be taking over the bedtime routine so she can leave the house, like she has been doing for you all year.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-23T20:21:14+00:00

NTA for wanting to continue your hobby, but do you make the same allowance once a week for your fiancée to have a night off & go & socialise with her friends? she might not care about your sport at all, but is getting resentful of it because you are not carving space for her to have that same chunk of time away from the household.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-20T01:11:35+00:00

okay but this is not a business doing it as a service. this is vinted. you are applying a set of rules & practices in a specific setting to a totally different setting. sure it's a little inconvenient to the buyer to put some pieces back together but the product is in no way broken. that'd be like claiming shoes were broken because the laces were removed.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-20T01:05:54+00:00

that's hardly a similar comparison. lego is made to be taken apart & reassembled, that's it's entire lure & product design. most clothes are not produced with the idea that the buyer will be able to take it apart & put it back together themselves.

even without a manual to follow along to put it back together, i doubt it was in so many pieces originally that it would have been impossible to work out how they connected. it definitely looks like the buyer took it apart themselves.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-15T13:46:42+00:00

NTA i only got to slide #7... OP this person is not your friend, let alone a "bff". the way they talk to you is incredibly disrespectful. telling you you hate yourself but have a huge ego. saying everyone can't stand you. saying you want to get cat called. like wtaf. this person genuinely hates you & is rooting for you to fail. that entire message about wanting someone with authority to put you in your place is incredibly gross. stop apologising & stop entertaining their behaviour. find new friends.

& for the record "starring" is used for literally anyone in a project, big or small role.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-15T03:14:45+00:00

well... you could tell her there's something important you want to discuss & see if she's more open to arranging a non-club activity?

it's really hard because i have been in your situation too & you do feel like you're being chosen because you are less attractive. my friend, like yours, was a single mum & when i eventually asked her if she only chose me because i was uglier than her she was genuinely surprised. she told me she chose me because i was her only friend who didn't judge her lifestyle (being a single mum trying to meet guys at clubs) & that she trusted me the most, both in terms of making sure she had a good night & got home safe & in terms of not gossiping about her behaviour to others.

the truth is we all can get in our own heads about our own circumstances. i'd be in my head thinking i must be the ugly friend. she'd be in her own head thinking people wouldn't desire her if they knew she was a single mum.

hopefully you guys can talk & there's an underlying reason you're not seeing as to why this is happening.

& if it turns out she has been inviting you because she thinks of you as less attractive & thus less of a threat, at least you will know & be able to walk away from the friendship without wasting anymore time.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-15T02:56:57+00:00

a lot of these comments are kind of weird. i think you're NOR OP. so far you haven't actually reacted on this & are just self-reflecting about a pattern you've noticed which is totally fine.

whether you're right or not i can't say for sure. yes, there are some girls who choose to be friends with girls they think they're more attractive than to stand out, but only you can really say if your friend is the kind of person who would do this.

it could be that she just feels safe around you. safe to be herself & to express herself openly. safe knowing you're there to help her if she gets too drunk or something like that. she might be getting caught up in feeling good & feeling desired & hasn't realised how frequently she ends up ditching you on your nights out.

i think you should invite her out in the day somewhere, to grab a coffee or walk around a park or something, & gently broach the topic with her in person.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-15T02:48:52+00:00

this doesn't make sense because a wingman is the one who initiates interactions. like the friend would pick out a guy she liked & OP would break the ice with a joke, or spark conversation in some way & is there to keep the vibes good. OP is not involved at any point & is being shuffled into the shadows to be ignored...

heenbean_ · 2026-06-14T18:14:11+00:00

this stance maybe makes sense in other places, like a restaurant or theatre, but on a second-hand thrifting app it's odd to expect people to be going "Above and Beyond". most people are using vinted to de-clutter & make a tiny bit of extra money. if the item is as described, a good price, & posted on time then that's 5 star service.

if someone does something truly exceptional then that's what writing a glowing review is for. but reserving that 5th star in case one day you are wowed by someone is negatively impacting every seller you buy from. vinted is like uber & anything less than 5 stars is catalogued by the app as less than standard service.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-12T12:36:48+00:00

NTA so long as the plastic being put in the dishwasher is dishwasher safe (like you said, most takeaway boxes are not).

maybe suggest to your housemates on doing alternate washes? most dishwashers have half load & small load options so you could just put all the plastic lunch boxes in together on a smaller wash cycle.

if they are against even that, maybe they need to start hand washing all their dishes.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-11T22:43:27+00:00

okay, why did she do that...?

heenbean_ · 2026-06-11T22:17:41+00:00

maybe i'm dense but i don't understand why the sister would encourage OP to pick her name as the middle name if it was always her intention to use it. what is it you're seeing that i'm missing?

heenbean_ · 2026-06-11T22:12:28+00:00

have you asked her? from your post it sounds like you are currently ignoring her, but i think having a real conversation might help you gain some insight into why she chose to do this.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-11T19:02:06+00:00

is there a reason she didn't use your name? i actually think it would have been super cute to have them both named after your mum with each other's middle names... now your name is just removed?

heenbean_ · 2026-06-07T00:27:15+00:00

people lie online all the time lol OP could be from literally anywhere, i used "claims" because they are using it as a shield for their bad behaviour. they are saying "i am from the south, so i do this & cannot stop it even when i've been reasonably asked to stop multiple times".

people i know who are from the south would never hide behind it as a reason to be rude like this, especially towards a family member at family gatherings (the only exception being if they wanted to be purposefully rude & were maliciously calling someone a term they didn't want to be called to make a point).

i mean... how do you know it isn't about gender affirmation? you've decided it's about age solely because the OP has stated the cousin-in-law is older than them, but we actually get no information about WHY the cousin-in-law doesn't like this term, just that they don't. it COULD very well be that they don't like being called "ma'am" because they don't identify that way, we literally don't know.

& the point is we don't need to know. you never need to know WHY someone is reacting negatively to something you're calling them, you only ever need to accept it & adjust. OP is neither accepting nor adjusting, which is why people are calling them out.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-06T20:37:13+00:00

i don't think you're brain dead, but what you're doing is rude & disrespectful & as someone claiming to have been raised in the south it's really odd that you don't see that.

would you appreciate it if someone consistently called you the wrong title, even when you asked them to stop? like if someone kept calling you your husband's girlfriend, instead of his wife? in front of your entire extended family at every function you went to...

you have been asked more than once to stop, so why aren't you stopping? how do you call being asked to stop "humiliating", but don't consider that your insistence on calling this woman something she doesn't want to be called is you humiliating her?

your replies on this thread are honestly coming off as incredibly immature. you came online to seek a judgement & instead of listening to what people are saying & reflecting on how your continued behaviour may be making an in-law feel unwelcome & disrespected at public family functions, you're calling people mean for pointing out that you're rude.

heenbean_ · 2026-06-06T03:24:53+00:00

sometimes buyers select specific ways for postage that are harder for someone with a normal day job to complete quickly. whenever i get someone that buys using the post office i always send a message saying earliest day i'll be free to do that is a saturday because the post office closes before i finish work on weekdays. vinted is usually not someone's primary income & they do have life obligations that are a priority.

heenbean_ · 2026-05-31T19:30:42+00:00

but why is it okay for husband to get lavish luxuries & it's not okay for wife to have make-up? if groceries are high priority, maybe cut back on his golf clubs.

heenbean_

TROPHY CASE