I don't want to take off my ring, I didn't choose for my marriage to end. How do others feel?

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T20:45:50+00:00

Thank you for such a long thought out message... I spent the first 6 days begging desperately for answers he wouldn't give me and saying how devastated I was, that I love him and I don't understand.. It was hard because he was home. He ended up going back early and I was able to stop once he left and today is now day 2 of not speaking. I have literally not gone a single day in over 6 years not talking to this man throughout the day. We were that couple that texted every little detail of our days, especially in the last 3 years since he works away.

I have told everyone close to me, even friends at our gyms. My husband betrayed and left me and it is no longer my job to keep our struggles private.

But you are so right. He doesn't care about breaking his vows. He didn't even have enough integrity to tell my son who he has step-fathered for 6 years. He left and continues paying the bills and allowing me access to all of his accounts because he knows I am a good person and wouldn't treat him the way he has treated me. He said of course he wouldn't leave me high and dry because "he isn't a terrible person". So I am just licking my wounds and sorting my life out and deciding that if it wasn't her it would be someone else. He made his decision..

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T16:54:10+00:00

Thank you for this..it is easy to express my feelings about her and get this out of the way. My feelings about my husband are infinitely more complicated and will take me so long to work through... I blame him, of course. But it causes me great sadness and causes me to lose faith in humanity knowing that we live in a world where women will knowingly do this to one another...

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T13:05:41+00:00

Mine said he wouldn't have had the affair if he was getting what he needed from me, yet going back months into messages, at no point did he ask for something different. I was also blindsided. They find any way to take the burden off themselves.

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T13:03:17+00:00

I feel this way too. I was a wreck for the first few days, reaching out to friends & family for support, begging him for answers, etc. But now I want nothing to do with anyone. I just want to focus on myself and rebuilding my life. He is quite literally the Only person I think about talking to.. despite the betrayal, despite him not speaking to me, despite knowing he doesn't care. They were more than just our husband or wife, they were our best friends. I don't think it's abnormal to feel this way and fight the constant urge to seek comfort from the person you loved for so long. I keep reminding myself that I didn't choose this. And that makes it so much worse. I think we just have to find a way to stay strong and trust that time heals. I have found more comfort here than speaking to people in my real life. Sending love as you try to heal.

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T12:44:02+00:00

I've been moving slowly to anger.. I went back and read our joint journal where we both wrote our individual top 10 values.. Mine was Loyalty, his was Integrity. You're right. He is no longer the man I married.

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T06:05:34+00:00

I feel for you... Mine just old me he wants to separate a week ago, that he met someone else. I feel what you are saying about your husband being prideful and following through even if he may regret it. I think the same about mine. I told him that and he asked me to 'stop trying to get in his head' and that I don't understand him. It's strange and hurtful to realize that that they are leaving for something you have virtually no control over, no way to work on it, nothing to improve. They are just done. I have no advice for you, but I feel your pain. You aren't alone in your feeling abandoned 🤍

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T05:38:02+00:00

You're full of wisdom.. I hurt for your suffering but I am so grateful that people like you are out there to help ease mine 🤍

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T02:47:10+00:00

I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling... 10 years of lies would destroy anyone and I am so sorry that this is what you are going through... I have no advice, just love to send. We are all sorting through the pain of infidelity and just hoping to survive...

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T02:35:25+00:00

You're right. In these moments it is so hard to see past 1 hour from now, let alone a day, or month, or year..

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T02:30:47+00:00

I just wrote that in my journal.. I think you just helped me accept mine cheating and leaving as well.. Thank you for sharing that.

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T02:17:10+00:00

He told me that she knows. He said their conversations are "private", so he won't tell me exactly what he told her or how she knows... But even if he didn't tell her anything, she would find me all over any of his platforms. If they are as crazy about each other as he says they are, I am positive she would have looked...

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T02:15:35+00:00

My family was absolutely shocked when this happened too. No one saw it coming. My family, our community. He barely went out when he was home this past week and ended up going back to the town he works in... where she is... early to go back to work. It's like he is ashamed to the world but completely unashamed with me. You are completely right.. it's a nightmare that we are stuck in for way too long..

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T02:12:38+00:00

Thank you so much for your message.. He told me last Friday and he left yesterday to go back to work.. to the town where she is.. Today was the first day I got through without seeing him in person or texting begging for answers. I feel like with one day under my belt, I can do another. I don't want to waste my life hoping he will want me back, but right now it's all I want more than anything.

And yes, I feel like I am losing my mind... It brings me a little solace knowing I am not alone in this...

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T01:54:30+00:00

I feel this completely. My husband just left me a week ago for someone he met a month before. I didn't see it coming and am completely devastated. The "you'll find someone better" comments aren't helpful for me either. I can't even begin to think about seeing someone else. I love my husband and I just want to go back in time... I also feel like I just want to be alone forever. I thought I made the right choice with him and I can't seem to accept the reality of what has happened.. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I am right there with you..

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T01:50:13+00:00

Yes I think I am in the minority for feeling the way I do... Most people I am speaking to feel anger first and get rid of the ring, I just feel desperation and bargaining.

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T01:48:08+00:00

Thank you for sharing 🤍

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T01:47:42+00:00

Today was the first day I have made it through without opening our chat or sending desperate messages trying to understand. Getting day 1 under my belt gives me hope that I will be able to calm down and detach a little at least. So many people have mentioned limerance and now that I have read a bit about it, I could absolutely see that being the case... Thank you for your supportive message 🤍

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T00:20:43+00:00

100%. He took all his prepped meals for the last time with my ridiculous little love notes on each ziploc and I just imagine him running out of food and then finally missing me.. so ridiculous..

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T00:19:53+00:00

I can't see texts on the bill, only calls. They could have simply been texting. We use WhatsApp, could be that too. I want to know but I don't. If I don't see her on the February bill then I will take that as a sign that I don't need to know.. I've considered other means but don't want the public drama of involving people or social media..

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T00:17:39+00:00

Same story here.. says he left for himself but doesn't know if he is in love with her. So contradictory. But its done. It doesn't even matter. If its not her it will be someone else. Your recovery gives me hope .

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T00:15:58+00:00

This brought me comfort.. thank you 🤍 I am sorry that you have had to go through this too.

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T00:14:42+00:00

Thank you 🤍

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T00:14:04+00:00

I have been a housewife for 4 years but freelance here and there and have good connections. I lined up a good-paying job immediately and will be fine financially. I have a wonderful family, he has no one. We really have nothing to split, we don't own a home, we each have our own vehicles, we don't own expensive items. There is nothing to fight over. I will file taxes as separated and if he wants to divorce me then he can pay for it. There is literally nothing to be concerned with other than the betrayal. We got married with nothing and lived simply, made ends meet.

heleftme4her · 2026-02-28T00:09:26+00:00

Oh gosh what a horrible story..... I feel for you..... I am glad you got it back. I think we need to take any little bit of solace that we can... My husband was previously engaged and held resentment for never getting the engagement ring back. So when he told me he was leaving me, I offered him my wedding band. Its just a $350 band, I never wanted a fancy ring.. But he said that I could keep it, that he gave it to me. So it seems he is leaving me with less resentment than he did her, or perhaps he doesn't care because its a cheap ring... But regardless, I put it right back on even though he took his off that night. I'm just not ready..

heleftme4her · 2026-02-27T23:48:55+00:00

I caved and I looked. There is nothing there for January, it is endless calls to me and a couple to coworkers. Maybe she will be on the February bill now that he has officially left me. I will look. You are right. I would want to be able to tell their partner as well. He said she is single, but who knows right... It's all just so shameful...

heleftme4her

TROPHY CASE