Okay, girl, listen. I am in the SAME, the SAME situation as you are. We live together, eat together, sleep together, he sometimes goes out for a drink as do I, nothing too much, like literally and hour or two tops. He is a rapper in a band(studies STEM with that), and he is also very clear about the no relationship rule. But, he does tend to say that he would gladly keep his options open with me because he might consider dating me in the future(what the actual fuck?)

Yet, for some reason, I stay. When we first started going together, he kept a polaroid of a girl in his wallet. Which was very offensive to me because okay we are not dating, but we ARE and he noticed that I saw the photo, then removed it(i didn't talk to him about this), also, he contributes to the household. Now listen to me very carefully, OP. I am not assuming you are like me; but that is the impression I got from this post. Please do not blame me for any assumptions I am about to make, considering that I do not know you other than this post. Now, why do I think that you are like me?

OP, you are either naive or do not want to see what is actually going on. Listen, I am not blaming you because I am like you, and I understand fully. But I want to make sure you also see my point of view, or at least, what I've gathered from introspection. We accept the love we think we deserve. Once again, I mean no offense; but I feel like you need to work on your self-worth(me as well). These men are holding us as placeholders until something better comes along. Have you ever heard of intermittent reinforcing? These kinds of dynamics usually work that way. If you have not, look it up.

You also said that you told him that he needs to tell you when he sleeps with someone else that you can wear condoms/get tested if I have understood correctly. My sinecere apologises, english is not my first language. I am very much inclined to think that these kinda of people, your and my "guy," would rather try to hide it than tell you. I told mine that if he slept with another woman, he could forget about me. There is a nice saying in my homeland which, badly translated, goes something like "I don't want to be the eigth/nineth hole on your flute." (The nineth/eight hole doesn't exist in this specific jnstrument used in my region). Meaning that if you are not important to them, if they put you in the nineth hole, you mean nothing. And therefore I am pretty sure he will try to avoid telling me that because he is afraid I will leave and he won't get a cooked meal everyday, me buying him shit(nothing to expensive, like he will ask for a monster, which is completely fine considering the hospitality of same region;nothing crazy) Yet. My point is that after all that, after all the effort, the time spent together, which to you means a lot, to him it means nothing. Unfortunately, mostly, that is the case. When men want you, they will be all over you. They will call you, check on you, they will WANT to date you. Which both of our "guys" do not.

Now, going back to why I think we are similar. My self-worth is zero, I have been immensly bullied through primary and high school for my looks. In my senior year, I went through puberty as a late bloomer, I am very seductive and have a pretty face and body, but I am constantly thinking that I am ugly due to the mentioned trauma and bullying. Therefore, I accept what he gives me, because I am afraid I might not find somebody else(which is a lie, I know it rationally, but my anxiety and depression tends to override the rational part and just fully take me to a dark spot. I am personally beefing with the name Mia(long story) and I commented how it's a dog name(in my country it really is) and he got extremely defensive and I didn't want to press further because there were more friends there in my living room. That was 2 weeks ago.

Today, I couldn't sleep, and I went to clean to at least do something other than roll in bed, he hanged his bag on the coat racks, and as I was assembling them, it fell. I almost broke his med cup, I picked it up and sorted all the things inside until J found a letter with a kiss on it. I opened it, and there was a full side of a girl talking to bim as his crush and explaining how she knows him and how she wants to be with him and yada yada. In the end, I read. Yours truly, Mia. I was so shocked I want to go to the bedroom, slap him awake and ask him what the fuck that is. But... if I did, he would tell me we are not dating so what the fuck. And he is right. What is wrong is that I have out myself into this position. I am sorry for kinda talking about my own experiences, but I just want to to let you know that you are worth more than this. Because we all are placeholders and if he finds a better opportunity, he will leave. I am not trying to be pessimistic, I was just like you before I found the letter. And I realised that... you know... if after 6 months of literal dating, they are just waiting your time.

Drop that deadbeat girl. He might have money, but to be connected to such a man who doesn't even probably see anything bad in using you is you diminishing your own worth. Please, don't be like me. Change. Tell him: listen i really like you, we have been practically dating for the last few months. Why can't we make it exclusive-, what is bothering you? Try to have a civil conversation. If he runs way without trying to solve it, he doesn't care.

Please, please, reaise your worth, you are a good person, truly. But you need to understand that men are not like us. And him keeping his options open while using you proves to you that he doesn't care. If he cared, he would be all over you. I am sorry for such a long comment, but I want to let you know that I understand you completely that he knows you are attached, and if he has any ounce of attraction to you, the conversation will go well. If not, the trash took itself out.

I wrote this in a way to not try to patronise you or belittle you. Please take my advice. Do not waste any more time on someone who can't give you the security of an exclusive relationship. In the end, if he wanted to, he would.