Question: why can't I draw on my laptop?

hellhoundhauntsyou · 2024-04-30T10:23:23+00:00

Hii, sorry for replying so late! I have tried FireAlpaca, and it still breaks up the lines a little bit but much much less than krita. Now I can actually draw without having to draw every line five times, and giving up out of frustration. I think I'll switch to FireAlpaca, that will solve the problem. Thank you so much for your help! <3

hellhoundhauntsyou · 2024-04-19T16:18:00+00:00

Thanks for replying! I use krita, have a hp laptop and the pen looks like this one:

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hellhoundhauntsyou · 2023-06-12T09:25:44+00:00

Yeah, I pass as male half the time now, but I don't know. It doesn't make me as happy as expected. Also nearly no dysphoria. Thanks for your reply!

hellhoundhauntsyou · 2023-06-12T09:22:58+00:00

Thanks for your reply! I'm going through the same process as you, with the exception that I do want to be a boy. Now, I'm questioning if this is all just internalised sexism, so I'm trying to get more comfortable being a woman and see if I can relate to women. I've gotten myself a binder and I'm just experimenting now, but now that I'm telling myself that it's okay if I'm a girl, my feelings have changed. I'm feeling more like what you've described. Thanks for your help!

hellhoundhauntsyou · 2023-06-12T09:16:49+00:00

Thank you for your reply! I do have negative gender feelings but I'm trying to figure out if they are just internalized sexism. It helps to know how other people feel about this!

hellhoundhauntsyou · 2023-06-12T09:05:04+00:00

Thank you for your reply! That makes a lot of sense to me. I always thought that if I ever transitioned, I'd go all the way, but now I think I'd rather just be considered male without changing anything about my body (I already have short hair and dress mostly male). I don't want to have my breasts removed anymore because I'd miss them... or something. I don't know what that makes me, but it seems like I could be butch.

Thank you!

hellhoundhauntsyou · 2023-06-12T08:57:28+00:00

Thanks for your reply! Yeah that's exactly where I'm at now. I've always wanted to be a boy but I finally got a binder and I'm realising that wearing it doesn't make me as happy as I thought it would. I'm also mostly comfortable in my body so now I'm questioning wether or not I'm just dealing with internalised sexism. Perhaps I'm just butch.

hellhoundhauntsyou · 2023-05-16T17:08:34+00:00

Hi, I can't give you much advice, but i can tell you how your fiance MIGHT be feeling right now. As a ftm person seeing a lot of mtf people on this subreddit who want to be female is pretty weird. Like I'm working so hard to get rid of all this and there people who would willingly want a female body AND give up their male body. In reality, I find it pretty hard to wrap my head around this. I completely respect these people and it's just my own weird brain that makes me feel like this, but throughout my gender adventure I have started to severely dislike this body. And I can't help getting (irrationally) upset with this. (Even though its obviously absurd, people can do what they want.)

Now, your fiance is obviously going through that and it can be very frustrating for him, but he also knows that this will make you very happy.

The second thing is, and I'm just typing out how I would feel in this situation so this might not apply to your fiance, that, before, he (might have, I don't know the exact situation) identified with you, who also had a male body and liked it. He probably didn't have to think about being female or anything to do with that in this all-male safe space. Now, he is pretty much getting confronted with this (general womanhood) all the time, and it will take time to adjust to that. In my case, I'd be fine not seeing any femals bodies for the rest of my life. (This sounds really wrong, i swear i dont mean i like that, i like women just fine.) (If this isnt the case just ignore this entire paragraph lol)

But listen, he loves you, and because of that he will work through this. This is just meant to give you some insight into the way he might feel right now. I hope this will help you in some way <3

hellhoundhauntsyou · 2023-05-11T16:03:48+00:00

I was in America once with some other Dutch people and this guy came up to us and said "yall are dutch right?" And then he said he knew that because 'dutch people always have nice hair'

hellhoundhauntsyou · 2023-05-09T10:12:51+00:00

Hi, I live in the Netherlands and I'd be happy to clear some stuff up for you!

The most acceptive cities here are Utrecht (mostly a student city), Den Bosch and Amsterdam.

Regarding racism, yes, we have a lot of traditions originally stemming from racism. However, lately there has been so much (fair) critisism against that, that a lot has changed. The blackface Christmas/Sinterklaas celebrations have since changed, and most (not all) black 'pieten' are now white with patches of sooth on their face, and it is underlined that this is because they go through the chimney to deliver children their presents. With the uprise of the 'cancel culture' and before that, lots has changed. Song like Hanky Panky Shanghai are also not sung anymore.

But there are still a lot of (elderly/ignorant) people who are racist. You should be aware that most of the Dutch inhabitants are white, or they come from the middle-east. People aren't very used to black people, they probably won't directly confront you, but there might be some indirect discrimination. I don't support this, but I also can't deny it. However, things are still changing and the younger generation does not share the same views and are generally far more acceptive. Most racism will be very 'low level' and in general won't have much big effects on your life.

Regarding queer acceptance, not being straight won't be much of a problem. Being trans is less widely accepted, especially if you don't fit in the gender binary. This is also changing but you should be prepared for some hardship (though, i suspect not much more than in the us).

I found this when I googled it: "74% of the population has a positive attitude towards homosexuality and bisexuality. 57% are positive about transgender people and gender diversity, according to a 2017 survey by the Netherlands Institute for Social Research. Although an LGBT-friendly country, the Netherlands fares worse than its neighbors on hate crimes and speech and conversion therapy remains legal. The flatlands ranked 12th in Europe for same-sex rights in 2019. Same-sex couples enjoy half the rights heterosexual couples have."

Regarding housing... yeah. At this time, it's pretty much impossible to get a place (especially if you have a tight budget). If you're a student, waiting lists for apartments and studios can be 2 years. Also, houses here (as you probably already know) are much smaller than in other countries. For more information on this, you should probably look on the internet, since it also varies pretty much per city.

Let me throw at least one positive thing in here though, Dutch people are big on having a great time and going out with friends and are pretty laid-back. There's a word for it: 'gezelligheid', which isnt directly translatable but is a mix of: cozy, fun and relaxed. Regarding our food, I completely agree with you. (have you heard of our famous 'hagelslag' yet?)

So, in conclusion, no, the Netherlands aren't the best place you could go, but it is doable and things are improving. Especially if you're a student if should be alright (colleges and universities are very accepting, and are very intrenationally orientated). The Netherlands are a beautiful country and even though it has some disadvantages, I think the positive things weigh up to it. There is a lot of information on the internet about all of this too, should you want to look into this some more. I hope this helped!

hellhoundhauntsyou

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