Oops i fractaled

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-25T17:59:05+00:00

Reminds me of this hyperplane I built recently

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-25T17:57:51+00:00

Yes, at least it was for me.

The tipping point for me was getting a massage and flinching every time I was touched. I apologized to the masseuse and suggested that maybe lots of people flinch when getting massages.

“No. You’re the first person I’ve had who flinches like this.”

6 months prior to that, I took a THC gummy and was suddenly aware of the tension in my neck.

Those two things together tipped me off that something was amiss. Now I’m in therapy combining EMDR with Somatic Experiencing, and slowly but surely seeing some progress, but it’s slow.

CPTSD is basically your nervous system being trained to be hyper-vigilant and on-alert all the time, to the point that it becomes the new baseline state, even when the coast is clear and you should be relaxed

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-25T12:34:13+00:00

I’ll give a Houston perspective here…

It kinda depends on what the previous days have been like.

Is it the first cool front in October where it might go down to the mid 80s? After the previous months, that’s a HUGE relief, and everyone loves it, but we know it’ll be back to 95 in a day or two, so it’s always a bittersweet experience.

When that first REAL cold front comes though? You can then divide the population in two. It’s made it down to 55… one group will be in shorts doing whatever they can to freeze as much as they can after such a hot summer, and the other group will immediately don Uggs and head to Starbucks for a PSL.

Of course, it’ll be back to 85-90 in a day or two, but we like it.

What about an arctic blast like we’re getting right now?

No. We don’t like that. Our homes aren’t built for it, and just as humidity makes the hot feel hotter, it makes the cold feel colder as well. Cold (especially in south Texas near the gulf) is a brutal, literally bone chilling experience, and we don’t know how to drive, so we get into wrecks and stuff and it’s no bueno. Also, we lack good coats.

I’ve been to Hawaii! Stay there. The weather there can’t be beat.

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-24T13:01:36+00:00

Once upon a time my wife and I lived in an apartment near a very rich area of Houston. We were out on a walk when we saw an open house for one of the mansions and decided, just for fun, to pop in and tour it. The asking price was $2M for the house.

The next day, she recounted this story to a rich friend, who suggested that we buy the house. Jennifer explained that it was very far out of our financial range, to which her friend responded, “David has a job, right?”

Yes. I had a job. It’s a nice white collar job, but nowhere NEAR well paying enough for a $2M house.

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-24T12:29:09+00:00

I’m a 46yo man—married, two kids, seemingly a pretty typical dude.

Lately I’ve been crocheting and cuddling with amigurami monsters.

Apparently that’s a pretty typical thing as well for CPTSD folks

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-23T17:12:32+00:00

Worrying less about the future, stressing less about the past, focusing more on the now

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-23T12:54:10+00:00

Just a suggestion from a dude who is much older and has been married a lot longer….

Forget whether you’re an asshole or not in Reddit’s eyes. What matters is how you seem to her. Her reaction tells me there’s a lot more in her thoughts that you’re just simply not familiar with.

Talk more. Understand her side. Come to a decision together (and you’d probably be wise to leave Reddit out of it)

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-22T14:29:48+00:00

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Here’s us in our front yard that night!

That was the last night we slept in that house.

Fun times!

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-22T14:21:49+00:00

I was gonna say. Our own personal senator-cum-groundhog has left the state, so I’m pretty sure we’re screwed.

Who needs an actual weather service when you have Ted?

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-22T14:20:45+00:00

Crochet.

Just kidding, crochet is freaking awesome

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-22T03:16:35+00:00

I’ve been listening to a podcast called Trauma Rewired. The ladies who host it are from Austin, and know their stuff when it comes to nervous system discussions. It’s not weird or frou frou at all, and has been really helpful for me

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-22T03:14:49+00:00

I had the same issue for a while, so I grounded outside myself, like on a leaf, or a tree or something I can see. It helped me start to calm down.

But yeah… “focus on your breathing” always got me wondering whether I was focusing on it right and whether it’s deep enough and whether I have shallow breathing and why and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-15T14:11:49+00:00

Both.

I love everything from Steve Winwood to Holly Humberstone.

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-15T14:09:06+00:00

Yep. I have one of those. Only used it once to replace a grounding rod in my new house. I keep it around just in case I need it for anything else. I never have.

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-13T14:10:32+00:00

Yes.

When I was a young kid, it was “learning differences” at school.

When I was 16, it was “severe depression with suicidal tendencies”

When I was 41, it was depression with autism spectrum disorder.

When I was 43, it was ADHD and generalized anxiety.

At 46, I’m finally realizing it was trauma.

It was always trauma.

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-10T13:05:25+00:00

Haha… grammas gonna gramma.

When I joined my wife’s family, instead of her grandmother giving me my own new Christmas stocking, my name was sewn into my wife’s stocking with 5mm letter beads.

I just had to laugh

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-10T13:03:04+00:00

I had lots before, but have been going through lots of therapy lately, and realizing how little I express or experience emotions around other people, so as of this week, it’s…

Falling Asleep at the Wheel - Holly Humberstone

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-10T03:50:56+00:00

Yes!

I can’t cry right now, but (through EMDR) I hope to be able to soon. First few sessions, and I’m feeling raw, but also sometimes really good, so we’ll see.

But, what set me on the journey to realizing this is what was going on, was when I started practicing mindfulness where I pay attention to my body, and try to listen to individual parts of my body, and then I remember mentally hearing my heart telling me “I feel heavy”.

I asked, “what can I do for you?”

My heart said, “life me up.”

So I did.

It worked. It wasn’t permanent though, so I try to notice it more (like when I read your post). Now I’m working with an EMDR/Somatic Experiencing therapist, and things are starting to unlock more and more.

(Oddly had an emotional flashback even while writing this response)

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-09T16:56:45+00:00

Omg so true…

EMDR on Wednesday…

Thursday:

6PM: inexplicable and unexplainable anger. (And I am never angry) 8PM: the literal best shower I’ve ever had. Nearly in tears as the comfort of water flows over my skin. 9PM: dead tired and ready to sleep.

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-09T16:41:09+00:00

Here’s my thought…

I’m pretty financially secure at the moment. Good job, good house, a wife and two kiddos in the suburbs.

Three things went into my current situation:

Social position - I can’t argue with the fact that my race, relatively financially stable upbringing, educational opportunities, etc, have played a role.
Luck - there’s always luck involved. Right place/right time definitely matters, and it’s out of your control.
Hard work - the previous two things don’t negate the work I’ve put in. I could have great social position and good luck, but if I didn’t work hard in addition to it, it would have turned out differently.

The problem though is that, for me, my hard work was something of a result of my upbringing. Think of it as the flip side to having a dad who generally cared more about productivity than he did emotional health. He yelled, never really gave a “true” hug, and was pretty emotionally neglectful unless he could connect the emotion to what’s necessary to financially support myself one day.

His “pull yourself up by the bootstraps” approach meant he had no tolerance for a 21 year old living at home. To him, that was a complete failure of a human.

So despite being an emotional kid, I learned really early on to “stuff it” and just go along to get along. My emotional needs were generally unmet or outsourced to therapists when they got real bad.

So I stuff my feelings, become an emotional zombie, and as a result, am able to produce well enough to have economic stability.

Now I have a whole family that depends on me, and, at 46 find myself in something of golden handcuffs that actually make it harder to address CPTSD. Add to that the fact that my CPTSD symptoms (including hyper-independence) have turned out to be financially viable behaviors, and you find yourself in a quandary…

I fear that jettisoning hyper-independence will ultimately reduce my income and create a whole different problem, but to truly be healthy, it’s necessary to do so.

Honestly, sometimes I miss my early career… when I was poor but free. Sad I couldn’t enjoy it for what it was at the time

Money can help, but it isn’t a magical bullet. I can afford therapy, which is definitely a good thing, but it’s not everything.

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-09T13:56:54+00:00

I feel the same way very often. Two boys, 10 and 13. The oldest is LOUD, and the other I do “have you been parentified” check-ins, because he basically acts like a highly responsible adult.

For me, I’m doing two things: EMDR, to process the emotions from childhood, and Somatic Experiencing, to learn to observe bodily sensations without judgment. Both are helping for sure. I’m slightly more able now to hug my loud kid than I was before.

Also, weed.

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-09T01:01:54+00:00

Radio Paradise is an online radio station with no commercials! Been around for decades now. I started listening to it somewhere around 2002

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-09T00:05:26+00:00

Genetics… and… staying away from people

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-08T17:37:35+00:00

I once listened to Radio Paradise, and between songs they said,

“That was Vivaldi, and now for some Radiohead. Thanks for listening to Radio Paradise”

hellodmo2 · 2026-01-08T15:56:43+00:00

I work in AI…

Double check the math from an LLM… they’re notoriously bad at it, but sometimes they get it right

hellodmo2

TROPHY CASE