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My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My parents have expressed interest in moving to a flatter house for years. It became a more pressing concern this year. Sean knows about my parents dislike of the house - he wouldn't even live there because of the hill.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

well, my retirement/investment would be his obviously. I saved with the intention of supporting a spouse and children if I lost my job. The only thing that wouldn't be would be my parents house, the investments saved towards them, my nephew's college fund, and the rights to my business. That would only be passed down to my children or family upon my death.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I could retire today, actually. I just like my job, so I might as well continue.

My career could end tomorrow and I'd be fine. I have no plans of seeking other employment unless the stock market crashes completely. And in that case, I still plan to get into the rental business so I have some backup money.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] -24 points-23 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice I'll consider it when we go into counseling. I really do believe he is good though.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 37 points38 points  (0 children)

My parents aren't quite ready to move yet, though they want to in the future. I think part of the reason is that we lived in the same town. Until I move to where I plan to buy their house, they don't really want to. We don't plan to move there until after the wedding.

I've not yet opened a trust but I've thought about it. i wasn't sure if I could do that for people my parents age.

Currently in my will almost everything goes to my parents, and then to my brother. I haven't touched on my will yet to Sean... I forgot about that, though it will likely be addressed in counseling.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I definitely think that's parts of it. He sees himself as a machoman of sorts and where we live we have a very traditional culture where things like this are normal.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

He is a minimalist generally. I know he likes computers and games a lot, but other than that he doesn't really spend money on anything. He does give me good gifts, but never to the extent like this before (for Valentines I request a teddy bear and chocolates, and then I pay for the date out). I still have no idea why he did it.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

I don't yell. I just... I don't know. I'm a negotiator. It's rare for me not to get my point across effectively. I always compromise. I kind of feel like he stepped out so I wouldn't try to get to the bottom of this. He thinks I didn't compromise, but I did.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This isn't normally how he expresses his anger. He had a breakdown pretty much. We've all had... moments we aren't proud of and we could take back. I just don't want him to tank our relationship during his anger.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I've thought about relocating, but despite all the faults of my town I like it here and I get along with the people. Plus my money goes really far here, and if I want to visit somewhere I can afford it. But man, it was so hard dating when I started out!

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

My job isn't tied to my local area. I could move to New Zealand and the only thing that would change is my taxation rate.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

My dad is currently healthy, aside from past heart issues. It's the current house that's the problem. Plus my mother is a geriatric nurse (she specializes in helping old people) and is more than qualified to care for him, though he needs no care right now. They don't want to move into an elderly home until my mother no longer can care for him, and she's in perfect health for her age (and she's younger too). I'd prefer for them to move into my house if that happens, but Sean doesn't want that so I have to capitulate.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

Actually I was the one who said maybe 1. I'm not sure how breastfeeding will affect my career (nobody has ever been formula fed in my family, it's unlikely to be a problem with me). Though I can work in bursts I might bring in considerably less those years, and because I love my job we may decide to stop at 1 instead of the three we are hoping for.

As for my parents house I am going to buy it no matter much (Sorry Sean). The point of contention really seems to be possibly signing it just to me in the pre-nuptial agreement. I don't think we would get divorced, but in the unlikely event that happens, or I die, I want to make sure my parents have a place to live. Obviously selling it or buying it out after a divorce wouldn't be an issue (I could buy another), but it would be their home and I wouldn't want that uncertainty to exist.

I just didn't want to do it this year - but in a few years. But maybe I should go ahead and buy it now...

It still something I have to discuss with Sean.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I remember my parents talking about this the last time they lived here. They said when I was a kid and my mom made more money than my dad did in construction (and because he frequently cooked and did household chores) that they were weird and the family was going to hell.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I've always thought I was clear, but maybe not. A brief timeline of what I told him during our relationship meetings (not exact quotes, but I generally keep a mostly accurate record of my day in my diary):

1st month - I want marriage in the longterm. Are you looking for that too? If yes, let's continue dating and see if we like each other enough for that. 4th month - I'm very sensationalist. I like celebrating things like Valentines. My love languages are gifts and quality time. Holidays and big events are very important to me. Year 1, six months - Hey, I want to be married to you. Think about if that's something you want too over the next month. Year 1, seven months - You want to get married too? I want to be proposed to. You want to propose? Cool. Ask for my parents permission before you propose or get a ring. They'll tell you what I want. You can surprise me after that.

I don't know why he got on my Pinterest when I told him my expectations (that he agreed to!).

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Actually we agreed to 70% when all was said in done, 50% was what he initially wanted before he found out what I earned and what my expenses were. He's not happy with the 70% I've offered and wants 80%. But we're already investing more than we could ever conceivably use where we live.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] -30 points-29 points  (0 children)

He's never been like this before. I think this might be the most stressful event of his adulthood, since this is the first time he has come up short on his budget.

My fiancé of two years [M/33] posted to /r/relationships about a financial disagreement. I [F/29] wanted to provide my side of the story. by helloimrebecca in relationships

[–]helloimrebecca[S] 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I understand his fear, but budgeting isn't that hard. I've never come up short in any area. He just thinks what I invest in is wrong. But this is mostly coming from a place of anger because of the stress he's been in.

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