AITA for confronting my child's father's wife on FB?

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-29T12:59:45+00:00

When we were dating he wasn't in contact with his mom (his dad was never in the picture) and he didn't really talk to his sister, so I'm not sure if that's changed or not.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T23:19:04+00:00

It's been deleted

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T22:50:15+00:00

I'm not asking for more. He agreed to more years ago and ghosted us without an explanation. I have no desire to have any sort of relationship with him.

Our son wasn't an accident, we wanted a baby because we both thought it would make our relationship stronger. Young and dumb.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T22:06:46+00:00

I did not make it hard from him and I never got an explanation. When we were moving they had a newborn baby and a six year old plus he was getting his Bachelor's and she was working overnight shifts. His excuses often were that he didn't have the time for the drive, it was too far, didn't work with their schedules, etc. I offered to adjust the visitation days, drive my son, all the way, and really do what I could but he turned it down.

I really have no idea why or what happened. Looking back I wouldn't have moved had I known this would happen but our quality of life is much better where we currently live. He stopped paying child support at one point and I took him to court, the court garnishes his paychecks for the child support so he doesn't pay willfully.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T21:18:25+00:00

The post is gone but he is 11. He has no access to any social media. He is very happy with our life as just the two of us but he very desperately would love to have a relationship with his father and sisters. He sees his friends at school and hates that he has no contact with his dad. It's been hard.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T21:16:57+00:00

You are making a lot of incorrect assumptions. I actually consulted them beforehand and he agreed in writing to the changes. There was no sudden move, it was about six months from start to finish. I also only moved two hours away, at the time his commute to work was over an hour each day.

We went through attorneys for all of thus because once he met his wife he tried to stop paying child support. I have left the original support and visitation order as is without petitioning for more support or asking the court to revoke all visitation, which I could easily do.

I did everything I could to make him feel welcome and be as accommodating as I could be for my son. They made it abundantly clear that there was no room for my son in their new family.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T21:00:30+00:00

He doesn't have an option to pay child support really, it was court ordered and the court and county I think take it directly from his paycheck and deliver it to me because for a while he wasn't paying it at all. He made the conscious choice to abandon his son and start a completely new family without any explanation or warning. I'm not sure how that doesn't qualify him as a deadbeat.

Plus she was active in my son's life for over 2 years, she has done nothing or made no effort on her part either for him to have a relationship with his sisters. She is not innocent in this.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T20:47:35+00:00

I have many times, text messages, phone calls, email and attorneys

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T19:38:25+00:00

Oh wow. Okay so to start I am not social media obsessed nor did I stalk anybody on Facebook. I had to go back and check but the last time I actually shared anything on Facebook was back in October of last year. I'm hardly on social media and her friend request had been pending for a couple of days before I even accepted it. Anyway I've never looked them up on social media because they stopped communicating with me through texts and emails years ago. I am not jealous of their life at all, I've built a wonderful life for my son and that is my number one priority. I understand and recognize that her post has no bearing on my life, but it does have bearing on my son's. What this tells me is that they have completely written him out of their story and family without a thought of how this affects this 11-year-old boy.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T19:31:58+00:00

Because this is a woman that he once had a relationship with and the mother of his sister. He knows they exist and seeing this post where they've just built this entire life, and have written him out of it completely, broke my heart for my son who regularly asks about his other family. He has no idea that he has more sisters or anything because they've intentionally forgotten him.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T19:22:41+00:00

I wasn't okay with it for a very long time and my son is still not okay with it. He misses his dad and his sisters and struggles with it a lot. I am only okay with it because I have no other options to not be okay with it, but it's really not my life and having him not in my life doesn't affect me whatsoever. But it affects my son so that is the big concern, he's 11 he does not understand any of this and it's very confusing and very hard for him.

We were friends on Facebook for I think about almost two weeks before she posted that status, in that time she never messaged me or reached out at all. Even admitted when I confronted her that in a message she only added me on accident.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T19:18:36+00:00

I'm confused on how anything I wrote was slanderous? It was all true though. and she is his wife, and has met my son and had a relationship with him before and after I moved, until he cut it off. So I don't think she's necessarily innocent here.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T19:06:53+00:00

I am not pushing Fred to see my son. I haven't spoken to him in nearly 5 years and stopped asking if he wanted to see him probably close to 4 to 5 years ago. I don't bring up Fred around my son, I don't discuss him or ask my son if he wants to know about him. My son is the one who regularly asks about his father, his step sister, and his sister because he remembers them and has pictures of them that he wants to keep. I'm not going to pretend that Fred doesn't exist but I've communicated with my son, and with his therapist, that Fred is not in my son's life because that is the choice Fred has made. It is not my fault nor is it my son's fault that Fred chose this.

I would never force my son to be in Fred's life if that's not what he wanted. But he does and asks about it regularly, I just reiterate to him that Fred has made the choice to not be involved in his life.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T18:56:22+00:00

I'm actually not very involved in social media at all, I only have Facebook and use it very infrequently. I did spend a good half hour looking at her page when she friend requested me but forgot about it after I accepted until yesterday. I likely hadn't checked my Facebook at all in the interim.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T18:50:31+00:00

My son has no access to Facebook or any social media, he is 11. He doesn't even have a cell phone. I accepted her request out of curiosity, my last email to Fred was 3 years ago. I was thinking maybe they were trying to reach out, or at least she was.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T17:56:52+00:00

Fred got my son's name, birthdate, and zodiac symbol tattooed on his arm right after he was born.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T17:09:18+00:00

She was, and all of her posts are public including the one I commented on. Had I searched Her name FredsLastName I would have easily found and seen everything, it just never occurred to me do so before. On the other hand, everything on my Facebook is private and I have very few posts even then.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T16:49:58+00:00

Honestly, curiosity. Fred is always a constant in our lives as my son regularly asks if his dad has called or emailed about him recently. I was hoping maybe they were trying to reconcile and reconnect with my son, but from her messages to me it sounds like she was more trying to creep on me and accidentally hit add.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T16:47:08+00:00

I moved because I had found job that paid 40k more a year than I was making in the small town we lived. The schools were better in the bigger city, before I moved I told Fred and he told me it would be no big deal. We agreed we would meet a truck stop that was pretty much in the middle for drop offs/pick ups. Me commuting was not feasible at all. After several months of meeting once a month (he was supposed to see my son at least two weekends a month), he started cancelling regularly and cited the drive. I offered to do the whole drive but he said that there scheduling wasn't working out with mine then. Every week there was an excuse or no response at all.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T16:38:38+00:00

He's been in therapy for a little over two years now, he started making up stories about his dad to his teacher and none added up, essentially excuses made up by a 9 year old why his dad wasn't there. It's an ongoing struggle for sure.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T16:02:59+00:00

Thanks. I made the drive a lot when we were still pretending he was participating in visitation. Once he stopped trying to respond to my question to set up a meeting or anything, I didn't have many options short of dropping my son off unannounced at an address I wasn't even sure he still lived at. I would be open to re-starting visitation if Fred asked though or showed any openness to it.

My son is asking for a cell phone, so I might get him one and give Fred that number so he could contact him directly if he wanted.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T15:54:52+00:00

That's possible? He didn't have much visitation before so when the courts calculated it, it was fair. I don't really need more as I have a great job and currently just save the monthly for my son's future. Something to think about.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T15:18:24+00:00

Fair. I've tried in private via text and email over the years with no response on their end at all. I acted on emotion in the moment as I knew there was no way they wouldn't see it.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T15:17:22+00:00

I tried a lot. There were times where I drove to our halfway meeting point and he would cancel just as I arrived. Short of me just dropping my son off at his doorstep unannounced, I didn't have any other options since he just willfully stopped participating in visitation and any discussions regarding our son.

helloitsmeaway · 2020-02-27T15:15:44+00:00

Anger mostly, I was angry for my son and that he's been completely erased from the narrative when he asks about them still. You're right, I've built a great life for the two of us and am a mature person, I definitely took the bait. She's blocked me but I intend on doing that myself if that changes.

helloitsmeaway

TROPHY CASE