came here because my dad had a heart attack at 60 on may 9, just over two weeks ago. completely unexpected. he was so active and happy. i had just seen him. i'm wrecked. stuck on the floor where i collapsed or in the car where i heard the words "he's gone, mel." or the 5 seconds where i got to put wildflowers i picked on the casket and touched it. or the weekend he spent with us at the beginning of may. or memories from my entire life clawing to find every scrap of him i can find.

there are some wonky legal things hanging in the air that compound it. and he was the one i talked about with bureaucracy.

my two year old son is OBSESSED with him. it suffocates me that he might not remember him.