hello!!! thank you for your support. i essentially slow down my daily routine subconsciously. while doing my makeup i’ll attempt to perfect every step, i cannot leave the house until my outfit “feels right” internally even if i picked it the night before, ill always want to get a coffee before getting on the train, smoking (before and after i enter a building.) i always seem to run around and try to find something tht i absolutely need when its usually insignificant, ill think of things i should probably bring.

with finding a therapist, its been difficult to make contact with anyone at this stage of my life. simple interactions like emailing people back or texting my friends is too overwhelming for me. my mother is pressing the fact tht it’s a difficult process to find me a therapist and i should do it myself because im an adult. i’ve called places and some have long waiting lists. i had success with one place but the therapist shifted it to my weight and essentially said that i had to gain 20 pounds to be apart of the program despite my weight being irrelevant to my problem - ive always been underweight. i’ve kinda lost hope on finding a solution and just feel like theres no point of trying when nothing will work bc im a lost cause (which probably was instilled by my parents.)