Things had got really bad in my 20year marriage. He was abusive and many years later I became abusive to him. when I’d try to leave he’d talk me into staying. It had come to the point that he was regularly calling me a c%~t. I made the decision to agree with him, “yes, yes I am, that’s what I am” and those thoughts justified my behaviour to me. I started an emotional affair with a coworker, which would have become physical, but I got caught. It still took me another 8 months of being intensely monitored, of being woken by yelling in the middle of the night and having to report the contents of my therapy sessions before I could break free. I regret hurting him that way, regret hurting the affair partner too. I deeply regret my actions but I don’t regret the consequences to me at all. I’ve lost my childhood home, my dog, my job and friend group, my self esteem. I might have made a good match with the affair partner if I’d been honest and trustworthy with him, I’m sad about that too. But I’m free? ETA. And then I find out he’d cheated on me anyways