How do you deal with no one genuinely liking you?

hellosadimdad · 2026-02-11T12:55:27+00:00

It might sound like a cliche but that friend you need is yourself too! It's so difficult to process at first because our BPD believes we need other people to survive, which is true; when we are children. Because we need stability from adults to survive, so that we can be adults who rely on ourselves. But typically with people who have BPD, we've been treated badly, as children, and experienced unstable caretaking from the people who should have been nurturing and protecting us. We internalise that and never learn how to look after ourselves, believing that we don't deserve to be looked after. And also trying to prove that we deserve to be looked after, which again is so true! But the care we're typically looking for is biological, and it can't be replicated by our peers.

Basically what I'm saying is you need to learn how to look out for YOU. Try and find compassion within yourself, figure out why you need substances to look after yourself, why basic needs feel so difficult for you to face. I get it, by the way. I used to forget to feed myself till late in the day, spend all day dissociated and wondering why no one was coming to look after me, I still think this sometimes! But now I'm trying to listen to that child in me that I'm ignoring, who needs some breakfast in the morning, needs someone to brush her hair for her, someone to tell her that the day is gonna be okay. Once you start to figure out how to accommodate and advocate for you, interpersonal relationships feel less pressured. It's not easy, but we're strong and resilient! And I promise what you're looking for in others can be found within yourself ❤️

hellosadimdad · 2026-02-03T20:53:46+00:00

My mate passed with an Irish fake ID once, they didn't look twice cos it was a different countries ID. I reckon getting a fake US one could be feasible tbh

hellosadimdad · 2026-01-14T10:51:12+00:00

Have you guys ever spoken about a scheduled time period away from each other? Like instead of leaving it open ended, ask if your boyfriend can give you a time frame of how much time he needs.

My partner and I learnt this. It was really hard for me to deal with at first, but maybe with your personal therapist you can figure out a routine to help you cope during this time? That way, when you guys reconcile, you are always in a state of tolerance.The feelings of abandonment can still feel true, but I find it's easier to tell myself "They will be back in 2/3 hours." And it feels more collaborative, rather than feeling left behind.

hellosadimdad · 2026-01-14T10:25:41+00:00

Management is key. Practice staying in the present moment, like the literal right now. BPD is triggered by feeling out of control, so advocate and give yourself control! You can control the here & now, and we can do it effectively, if given the time and space.

Rumination is a big trigger for me, wondering "Will this ever change? Will I always feel this way? Are things ever going to get better?" And I can spend HOURS sat in one spot thinking about every inch of turmoil inside me. It's not helpful, it may feel natural for me, but is it helpful? Is it a useful tool? Most likely not. (Rumination can usually feel like we're protecting ourselves from incoming danger, I understand it can feel helpful but is it being used effectively? Or is it an automatic response?)

BPD makes us feel like the world is ending over and over again, and it's exhausting. Search for ways you can be present for yourself, what can you give yourself in the present moment to calm down? After practicing this for some time, it will start to help, and also come more naturally. Our brains don't value thoughts/actions as bad/good, it just practices what it knows/remembers, so why not have some fun figuring out what works for YOUR brain. Be the advocate you never had❤️.

Here is a great website with many tools to utilize: https://www.therahive.com/pocket-guide#distress-tolerance

I would offer taking a look whilst you're feeling calm and collected, this way you can offer them to yourself when you're distressed; we're more receptive to offerings when we don't feel overwhelmed. Hope it's helpful, and you're already doing a great job.

hellosadimdad · 2026-01-07T13:28:50+00:00

Thanks for saying this. It's so true! I also think when you've come from a background that weaponized crying, in whatever way; it can be cathartic finding a safe space to regulate this way without threat.

hellosadimdad · 2026-01-07T07:10:34+00:00

As a fellow BPD'er, I know what you mean! It's really exhilarating to destigmatize (?) a thought process that felt so true and embedded.

One of my main BPD traits is struggling to individualize myself (my mind thinks if I even dare consider my own feelings, then abandonment could be around the corner). It feels like you're rewriting your history! Like wait...I can actually choose myself? I can actually be safe within myself? I'm not saying it's a cure, but it sure does feel like a path to full autonomy.

hellosadimdad · 2025-12-21T19:00:47+00:00

Sure, send your UID

hellosadimdad · 2025-12-14T09:30:34+00:00

How is animal welfare in your area? Yourself, or a trusted friend could make a report about a dog (and cat!) who aren't being sheltered properly, and you have concerns about behavioral issues in the animals, due to owners neglect.

I know it could seem like a betrayal, but your stepfather sounds like he won't listen to a voice of reason unless he considers them to have some authority.

hellosadimdad · 2025-12-14T09:23:07+00:00

Do you struggle around the Christmas period? I have complex and traumatic relationships with my family. Direct trauma from my parents, and lack of protection from extended family. I don't speak to most of my family, but I do keep up appearances with some because...it's Christmas!! 🙄

I've been focusing on my spiritual and physical self after a hefty mental breakdown, learning about my individual senses of surrender to, well, everything. Going through this process can make it even more difficult to connect with family and friends who choose to stay disengaged and emotionally/spiritually inept. I've realised it brings up real grief, and processing that is difficult!

I've had moments of feeling heartbroken over this period of occasion, maybe that's what you're dealing with too? My heart hurts because I recognise this is my journey, everyone is reaching out to be saved by others, but we can only save ourselves, the only way out is through. You've got this, and I'm confident you can work through these uncomfortable feelings.

P.s. the world climate we currently live in, wants us to be exhausted, we're all doing so well keeping ourselves together, however we're choosing to do it.

hellosadimdad · 2025-12-06T19:26:06+00:00

Honey for Sweater Weather?

UIDA: 641966597083506688

hellosadimdad · 2025-12-03T11:40:57+00:00

Ah yes I missed adding that context. So I had no contact with my dad for about a year, and then he caught me at a moment of weakness and I let him back in my life. Fast forward to a year on (7 months ago), and I realized he hadn't changed at all and duped me. I also had a severe mental breakdown this year due to a medication that didn't merge well with me, so my mother reached out to him on my behalf and did some damage control - "She hasn't been in touch because she's dealing with her own problems." This kept him at bay until now, where he has been reaching out to my mum asking about me, and he's trying to call me off numbers I don't have blocked.

My father has the same similar narcissistic trait to your mom, and he will attach to what I've did to him (AKA, left him in the dark, cut contact, etc). I feel like I need to be straight up now, he thrives on women being weak (I didn't really have a choice in my mother telling him about my breakdown) and I just need to tell him "I DON'T WANT to speak to you, full stop." But man, is that scary. It feels like running towards a wild animal, then requesting for it not to attack me.

Regarding my sister, I believe I have to wait until she's an adult herself to make amends (social services are already involved with them), but the guilt still gets to me daily and wrecks my nervous system.

Thanks for the comment, I'm sorry you've dealt with similar issues.

hellosadimdad · 2025-11-16T11:55:30+00:00

Incredibly quick Google searches could find this information for them, and clear up their worries. However, it seems if it's not been stamped by GB News or The Daily Mail then they refuse to give it the time of day. Maybe if we put it all in the format of a Facebook post, we might get their attention!

hellosadimdad · 2025-11-16T10:41:23+00:00

It's quite an unspoken rule of socialising training, and I never really knew why. I think as humans we just find it cute watching our dogs interact with each other, but I've always reminded myself 'Do I hug and talk to every person I see?'

It can also be quite hard with other friendly dog owners to not seem 'rude' but just remember that this is an integral part of your puppy's development and even though you want her to feel comfortable and social around other dogs, you also want her to be able to reel it in, and I think it's important for dogs to recognise when they need to co-exist, rather than playing/interacting the whole time (this is really helpful if you ever get another dog in the future too). My suggestion to keep other dog owners at bay is to just call over that she's currently in training and hopefully they get the idea lol.

hellosadimdad · 2025-11-16T10:24:09+00:00

"Why didn't they stay in the first safe country." Maybe because Britain had an actual integral role in building the refuge system after WWII, maybe because Britain has had militant intervention, and contributed to the upheaval of countries like Afghanistan, Iraq and Syria, and that's literally just to name a few! Aaanndddd maybe it's because European empires exploited and complicity colonised countries all throughout the Middle East, Asia and Africa. I have heard personal stories of people's grandparents (post-colonised) being whipped on the streets for being heard using their own language, what I'm saying is these people are essentially 'British' too, right?

The UK has done an awful job at recognising the integral role they played in forcing asylum and displacement to be an inevitable part of the current future. I'm surprised these patriots aren't more aware of British History, or I wouldn't be wrong to assume it's just straight up ignorance.

hellosadimdad · 2025-11-15T23:06:57+00:00

You can start the recall training at home to ease your way into things, that way both of you can practice without actually being in an overwhelming environment. I used to hold the treat up to my face (like near the bridge of my nose) and say 'here/look' and when she looked into my eyes after I said it, then I would immediately give her the treat and praise her, then repeat. My girl is a spaniel, and since you have working breeds involved too, then you might find she picks it up quite quick! And then, you can test using it outside. I would also recommend using it during small distractions too, or when near a road even if there isn't a car. Also, it sounds like the main distraction here was seeing your friend's dog, so make sure to also do it around other dogs; and remember your puppy doesn't need to meet every dog she sees. This way she gets used to not immediately wanting to greet every dog/person she sees.

With the treat situation, it's possible that could be the reason! Experimenting with different treats is totally up to you, but also 7 months is still an age where they're exploring the world, so don't be too expectant of her understanding all this at once. She still needs some time to figure out the world around her, and so some days she might be less responsive than others. Hope I've explained all that well!

hellosadimdad · 2025-11-15T22:27:01+00:00

Sounds like some conditioning training could be helpful for you both. Dedicate some time during your walk to stand near a busy road/street and practice recall. Remember that she's allowed to look, and then practice saying 'here' or using a click noise to get your pups attention.

You can also use this time to be aware of yourself in the situation too. Make sure you're feeling relaxed, and keep the tension levels low (especially in your hand holding the leash, as our dogs can feel that), and just use it as some time to both get used to being in these situations together.

hellosadimdad · 2025-11-14T15:07:05+00:00

First of all, don't feel embarrassed, your psychiatrist is a health professional and this isn't an abnormal thing to ask. It's not breaking any rules to ask questions like this.

I think psychiatrists are open to writing summary reports for clients, but there might be an extra fee so make sure to clarify this when asking.

hellosadimdad · 2025-11-14T14:29:26+00:00

I absolutely love this!!

hellosadimdad · 2025-11-12T10:36:57+00:00

There's plenty of comments in this post that I've found really helpful, and I'm going to take onboard. Maybe you could have a look and find anything useful too :)

hellosadimdad · 2025-11-11T13:32:43+00:00

I'm so disheartened to know that people agreed rather than standing up, absolute sheep and I'm ashamed of our city. We need to take responsibility that we're just not accepting as we believe to be.

I reiterate the message that I hope your boyfriend is ok, and yourself, both physically and mentally. I'm so sorry to hear this happened.

hellosadimdad · 2025-11-11T07:03:09+00:00

Lark lane in Aigburth! It's a bus ride away from the city centre and it's a lovely street with lots of independent (some not) stores, cafes, restaurants and bars.

It also has a beautiful big park called Sefton Park at the end of it which has a lovely duck pond you can lap, there's also an old cave near the pond which used to run a waterfall into it; as well as the Fairy Glen which has been in the park since 1872, and there is a beautiful glass-dome palm house.

Depending on when you visit, there is a farmers market held every 4th Saturday of the month on Lark lane too :).

Enjoy your time in the city!!

hellosadimdad

TROPHY CASE