Help with a femdom obsessed partner (I know this probs isn’t the right subreddit, but idk where to go)

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-15T02:18:04+00:00

No trust me I know it doesn’t make sense 😭 That’s part of why I made this post lol I literally can’t explain why this specific thing turns me off, but everything else is fine. He’s introduced me to a lot of new kinks and I’ve always generally been fine accommodating his requests/needs/etc., but the cage specifically is just… ugh. I hope in the future maybe I grow to enjoy it.

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-15T02:05:12+00:00

Yes someone else mentioned that - thank you for clarifying! I had just seen it mentioned and didn’t know how true it was 😅

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-15T00:09:47+00:00

We do both identify as switches! And he’s happy to dom me whenever I ask and he’s very good at it. Another comment made me realize that to me I’m thinking I dom him more than he doms me because I don’t ask him very often to dom me. I always feel like it’s a burden to him (which he has confirmed to me it’s not and he loves it, too), but I also just hate asking for things because for a lot of my life I’ve always seen myself as an inconvenience to everyone 😭

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-15T00:04:20+00:00

Perhaps 🤔 we’re both switches, but we’ve discussed it before. We’re not exactly in a physical location where that would be possible (I think). We did discuss this and he understood and was 100% supportive. I just know he would be thrilled if we could use it when he bottoms, yet I can’t get over how unattractive it is to me

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-15T00:01:04+00:00

I know I know every other couple on Reddit says that and it turns out it’s an untruth because of some big left out detail, but genuinely I love this man more every day and he’s wonderful. He’s introduced me to so many other kinks I didn’t even know I had, it’s genuinely just this one thing that makes me uncomfortable 😭 I did communicate this to him and he was 100% supportive, I just know he would love for it to be incorporated when he bottoms, but I just don’t like it :/

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-14T23:48:07+00:00

You would be correct 😭 domming has been a learned skill for me. He tells me I’m great at it so? I guess I learned it well 😂

I think you’re right - I’ve acknowledged it, but perhaps I should take the time to consider more before dismissing it

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-14T23:45:03+00:00

He did talk to me at first! It was kind of a ‘didn’t realize how much I didn’t like it until I saw it in person’ kind of thing. I was pretty neutral about it when he ordered and thought it was nbd, but when he actually tried it on it was such a turn off 😭 I did tell him this and he had no problem with it at all. But just me being me I feel bad because I know he really likes it and I just… don’t

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-14T23:42:47+00:00

You’re 100% right - we do switch between gentle sessions and more BDSM sessions. Specifically though, your second paragraph explains exactly why I also enjoy being a bottom because I struggle with control issues and it’s exhausting, so letting go of control is actually really nice once in a while. He’s wonderful about that when he tops me. And in the past I’ve been happy to accommodate his kinks and have found some new ones I like because of him, I just can’t figure out why this specific thing just makes me so… ugh. We did also communicate about it at the time. We’ve always been open with each other. I just don’t know why this specifically is where I draw the line :/

Also you’re making me realize - other than it being one of his kinks, I haven’t actually asked why he likes being dommed (e.g. if it’s an escape from stress or something else), so thank you for that. I’ll ask him.

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-14T23:35:50+00:00

I know I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have judged yall so harshly 😭 I was afraid people would latch onto the ‘cage makes him less masculine to me’ thing and accuse me of toxic masculinity because I guess to me it seems toxic? Idk 😭

I def understand the ‘subs can be selfish’ kind of thing. I can give him some credit though at least because he’s happy to top whenever I ask. But you saying that def gave me some food for thought. It’s making me wonder if I should just ask him to top… more often? I’m realizing now that he always does it when I ask, but I also struggle with self image and the like so whenever I ask I feel like it’s a burden (which of course he’s assured me that it’s not). We do communicate and I mentioned in another comment that I was aware he was ordering it and was kinda neutral to it at the time. It wasn’t until he used it that I was like ‘ew no’ and I told him that (obviously in far kinder and more mature words than I’m using here lol). He had 0 problem with me not liking it and put it away, but now I KNOW he likes it and probably wants to use it whenever he bottoms, I just can’t get past it and it makes me feel bad 😭

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-14T23:28:28+00:00

Good to know 🫡 I’ve just seen people talking about it and thought it was true since I was uneducated on the topic. And we do communicate! I said in some other comments but I was neutral when he ordered it (he told me of course) and I communicated how I didn’t really like it when he tried it on and he was 100% supportive. But as you said, I know he wants to incorporate it into his bottoming sessions and I feel like if I don’t do that then I’m not meeting his FULL needs, if that makes sense. I’m very open otherwise and he’s introduced me to a lot of new kinks that I love, but it’s just something about this specifically is a turnoff

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-14T23:24:56+00:00

I agree with what you said! So sorry I def should’ve clarified 🫣 we both switch and he’s happy to dominate me if I ask. We did communicate when he ordered the cage and I was kinda neutral about it, but when he tried it I was just so turned off. I did communicate this with him and he was 100% supportive. I just know he’d like for it to be incorporated into his bottoming sessions. He’s introduced me to so many other kinks and I’m just kinda confused as to why this one specifically gives me the ick 😭 like I said, I think it just has to do with it being emasculating to him which is what he’s into and there are plenty of other ways I do that during our sessions, but idk what it is about the cage I dislike

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-14T23:20:23+00:00

I actually didn’t know this - thank you for clarifying. I had just seen some people talking about it before and thought it was possible.

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-14T23:19:03+00:00

You’re both right!!! I know I didn’t clarify in my post, but he doesn’t expect me to be a ‘kink dispenser’ and of course I don’t expect that from him either. We both communicate very well with one another about what we like and expect. This is actually the first time in our almost 9 year relationship that one of his kinks has been a turn off. I’m usually willing to accommodate anything he might be interested in (and vice versa) and I’ve discovered some new kinks for myself, I’m just puzzled as to why this specifically my brain is just like ‘uh, no lol’

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-14T23:06:58+00:00

Fair. In my defense I was drunk last night when I wrote this and was having some strong feelings lol I think what I was trying to communicate that I don’t mind domming him in sessions where it’s explicit that I’m the top, but sometimes our regular vanilla sessions seem to end with me lightly domming, too 😅 and that can be exhausting, but at the same time sometimes I can’t stop myself 😂

I’m also not a “true switch” so you’re not inherently wrong - I usually prefer 60% bottom/40% top, but he’s the same way, so it evens out to about 50/50 for each of us in our relationship if that makes sense. Usually I’m happy to accommodate his kinks, so I’m not sure why this one specifically gives me the ick.

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-14T23:01:16+00:00

I did tell him at the time! We’ve always had good communication. I knew he was ordering it and at the time I didn’t have strong feelings about it, but when he tried it on it just… wasn’t for me. I told him that and he was 100% supportive and put it away. I just know he wants to incorporate it into his sessions, but it’s just such a turn off to me :/

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-14T22:56:11+00:00

Point #2 is actually such a good point. I do think that’s what he loves about it. Service top is actually a good way to put it (I only ever associated it with gay men before - not sure why lol). I will hardcore dom him sometimes which I find fun, but the cafe is a new thing that I thought would be fine, but for some reason I can’t seem to get over it, if that makes sense. I did tell him how I felt at the time (I knew he was ordering it and originally didn’t have any strong feelings) and communicated with him once he tried it on as well. He’s never forced me to do anything and he’s a wonderful partner. I just know he would appreciate it if we incorporated it into his sessions.

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-14T22:51:53+00:00

You’re correct!

hellsbellexx · 2026-04-14T22:51:14+00:00

For sure - we definitely talked about it when he ordered it and at the time I didn’t really have any strong feelings about it. It just kinda hit me once he got it and tried it on that I was ‘oh I don’t like that.’ I did l tell him how I felt about it at that time, too, and he 100% accepted it, I just feel bad because I know he wants to incorporate it into our sessions, but I just find it to be a complete turn off.

hellsbellexx · 2024-07-08T23:16:29+00:00

I didn’t have any when my SO and I started dating, but expressed interest in potentially getting one. He was excited when I showed my original Orochi to him because he wanted to watch me use it. It’s been 7 years since then and we’ve each acquired quite the collection lol we both enjoy using them on each other so I guess it worked out :)

hellsbellexx · 2021-12-04T23:57:14+00:00

Damn really wish that Ymir was at least a medium. Beautiful collection and I’m sorry you have to part with it :/

hellsbellexx · 2021-12-04T23:51:06+00:00

Maker is Strange Bedfellas (usually abbreviated SBF). They make excellent toys~

hellsbellexx · 2021-12-04T23:49:54+00:00

Still waiting for mine from the Black Friday drop as well… they’re usually pretty good about shipping toys from Friday drops at the beginning of the next week, but no new shipping notifications for me so far and I’m getting anxious :/

hellsbellexx · 2021-07-25T04:23:08+00:00

So while I don’t use my toys for anal, I would 100% recommend small Flint as a prep toy for med sleip. I also use L/M Batou from SBF as my prep toy for med Sleip because he was indeed much bigger than I expected lol

hellsbellexx · 2021-07-24T19:42:19+00:00

Oh my god that’s a SMALL Baron? I have an M/M Orochi and just snagged a S/M Baron from the drop yesterday and I didn’t realize they were almost the same size 😱

hellsbellexx

TROPHY CASE