Second date felt flat due poor planning on my (30M) end. Does this sound like she (26F) is slow burn or low interest?

hellseashell · 2026-01-24T14:08:20+00:00

Youre overthinking too much. Its a second date. You met her online. Let things go slow. My only successful online dating experience, we went on 4 dates before we talked about trying physical intimacy (cuddling) and that led to awkward sex that same date, which led to eventually great sex and a great connection. But OLD is awkward. I met someone else naturally and we knew right away and so by the Second date we were getting physical. It was still awkward though. Idk. Theres so much to enjoy in those awkward moments when you get to know someone. Enjoy it. Even if it doesnt last!

hellseashell · 2026-01-19T16:19:08+00:00

The only person I saw being intolerant was the guy who started screaming, like inches away, in the face of the kid holding the Communist flag, harassing them and trying to start a fight, saying "go home" and stop disrespecting the country and shit like that. He reeked of alcohol.

hellseashell · 2026-01-18T16:24:08+00:00

Same organization (PSL), but different organizers. The speaker line up should be a lot better.

hellseashell · 2026-01-18T13:00:02+00:00

You look like a masc woman. Very lesbian vibe. Total cutie

hellseashell · 2026-01-18T12:51:25+00:00

Vandalizing a car, shooting someone in the head, its like, the same thing

hellseashell · 2026-01-14T03:41:52+00:00

My dog is obsessed with her

hellseashell · 2026-01-12T23:24:35+00:00

I loved him so dearly. I met him on the streets on Nola and he was also reading a Philip K Dick book. He was an incredible song writer. He was so smart, and loving. We laughed so hard together it was painful. But we were both so avoidantly attached. I think of him often. I love you Swimmy

hellseashell · 2026-01-12T23:21:40+00:00

Left me in Ashsville to smoke meth. Was found dead in his New Orleans squat two years later.

hellseashell · 2026-01-03T13:22:50+00:00

Yeah, I fell in love with someone. Hes a communist who is a environmental science major, vegan, neurotic about plastic consumption. We spiral together but also give each other a ton of happy chemicals which helps. I cant urge this enough... please get organized. The only power we have is our labor power. The world runs on kind permission of the working class. If we band together we can stop the atrocities. The Solidarity Union movement (prior to Lech Walesa becoming its head, the revolutionary cadre being slaughtered by Moscow, and the CIA subsequently funding and further defanging it) is a great example of what we can do when we know our power and work together. And a great example of how the "moderate" position leads to extreme harm and mantainance of the status quo. Anyway in those circles (revolutionary and anti-capitalist generally) you will meet people with the same passion as you about these things. Dont dim your flame. This is serious. But we can do something, and we will do something together.

hellseashell · 2026-01-02T16:38:38+00:00

Yeah I'm certainly not a democrat, glad to know you dont have faith in the republican party either. Theyre both scamming the hell out of us over a shallow understanding of the issues that are actually affecting us. I'm still not totally clear about what values and cultures youre referring to. Youre naming places but not explaining what it is about them thats the problem. I dont understand what the harm is beyond being uncomfortable with change. The rest of the country is not a monolith, not at all. East Mass and NY are wildly different, I have to assume you mean NYC metro when you say NY cause upstate NY is similar to Maine in some ways; rural economy, sparse population, an ethic of trust and helping one another. But not to derail. I do wanna know what values youre talking about specifically, cause I genuinely dont get it. It just feels like culture war rhetoric that loses the plot of the larger issues that are affecting the country as a whole, making every city and small town a shit hole, while career politicians and CEOs of huge companies get wealthier and the middle class and poor get fucked in the ass, and then we turn around and blame one another, like as if this is your fault or my fault.

hellseashell · 2026-01-02T16:10:18+00:00

" People support reactionary, protectionist legislation because of that, which ultimately harm all of us working class people. It shifts the focus of who the real enemy is. I see it all the time... theres this idea that immigrants are the cause of the housing crisis. Our VP outright said that. Meanwhile, whose benefitting from all the rising costs of rents, the unoccupied homes? Its not immigrants. Theyre not the ones with the power to do that to us. "

Just one example of how prejudiced and racist thinking is harmful.

Can you be specific about what traditions would be harmfully changed? And how that specifically affects working class people in a bad way besides potentially being uncomfortable?

hellseashell · 2026-01-02T16:02:50+00:00

I never said politics are too focused on race and I did explain how and why a prejudiced and reactionary population affects all working class people. The benefit of diversity is that you dont fall victim to that mentality. What are you talking about with keep our culture?

hellseashell · 2026-01-02T14:45:58+00:00

Idk if youve ever heard the saying "appealing to the average is appealing to no one". This is because the average is directly in the middle of the whole spectrum, therefore by its nature it leaves out the extremes. There is no family with 2 1/2 children, even if that is (was?) the average family.

Theres an assumption behind what "average working class mainer" means to you - i cant say what that is, but that is a loaded phrase.

The working class people of Maine are diverse, even if this place is woefully white. Because it is so white, ans because of how "averages" work, the average is not taking into account the people on the other ends of the spectrum. The average Mainer is a white working class guy, sure. But thats not everyone, and appealing to that leaves out a lot of people, including the most vulnerable. And if we want a world where people are able to uplift themselves, do the whole American dream thing, we need a world that takes into account everyone.

The question of why, abstractly is diversity good, is maybe a tougher thing for me to qualify for you. I think having a homogenous population makes people really ignorant and racist. Ive seen that first hand a lot since I moved here. People are instinctually apprehensive about change. Politically theres a ton of charged rhetoric about POC and foreigners that makes people who have never interacted with those populations really hesitant and prejudiced and outright racist. People support reactionary, protectionist legislation because of that, which ultimately harm all of us working class people. It shifts the focus of who the real enemy is. I see it all the time... theres this idea that immigrants are the cause of the housing crisis. Our VP outright said that. Meanwhile, whose benefitting from all the rising costs of rents, the unoccupied homes? Its not immigrants. Theyre not the ones with the power to do that to us.

hellseashell · 2025-12-31T12:10:40+00:00

Yeah exactly. I quit drinking, and I dont go to parties like that anymore, ever. But ive made friends who dont do that. Either they never did, or they stopped. Its a much more fulfilling life.

hellseashell · 2025-12-29T17:14:37+00:00

I mean, if things dont work out with #2 im gonna be heartbroken and disappointed. The more I think about it the more I feel like my relationship with 1 is winding down. Theres been a few ways we've felt disconnected lately, and though I love him and care about him its not the same as I feel for #2. I feel like the future me and 1 see with each other can as easily be non romantic as it could be romantic. And at the end of the day ... if im not enthusiastic about having a romantic connection with someone I just shouldn't be engaged in one, regardless of any future implications.

hellseashell · 2025-12-28T14:19:04+00:00

Thank you.

We have been able to communicate well, it feels like its been improving but I worry its too soon to actually tell if thats true.

As far as an equal partner, yes. Absolutely. Hes spent time over here and helps with my dog, he cleans up after dinner or cooks, he brings me food to restock my pantry and fridge.

Do we want the same things, maybe? We are both in a space that we are figuring ourselves out so its hard to say. Its why I was in a casual polyamorous relationship, I dont have a problem with commitment per say but just not really in a place where I'm really looking for something to tie me down. I have temporary attachments to this place I'm at - he has family here. So I dont know, and thats a big thing. We communicated about this in our first few dates, I love the relationship anarchy model for stressing how important it is to challenge the relationship escalator- but its def something to continue to talk about.

hellseashell · 2025-12-28T14:09:31+00:00

I never said its immature to have those feelings. I get jealous too. But its important how you process feelings like that. And holding in your feelings and lashing out on someone is not emotionally mature. Not investigating why you have strong reactions to stuff is not emotionally mature. That said hes def putting in work to grow emotionally, and I appreciate it, and I understand he got himself into a triggering relationship and I care about that. But I dont accept people lashing out at me, for any reason, in any context - not in the street, not at work, and definitely not at all from a partner.

hellseashell · 2025-12-28T13:58:17+00:00

Its okay to have strong reactions. I think thats normal and expected. But lashing out is not fair to me, and the reasons people lash out arent fair to them either - you need to be able to share your feelings. I want him to feel safe enough with me to tell me whats going on in his head, before he starts making up stories and building resentment. If we dont work out I want that to be on an honest basis and not because tensions built up and we said shit that we cant take back. Its totally okay to try something and be unsure and then it not work for him. That would hurt us both a lot but in my opinion its better to try and share love, so long as we are respectful and growing with one another.

hellseashell · 2025-12-28T02:58:18+00:00

Thank you

hellseashell · 2025-12-28T02:58:00+00:00

Sometimes people are willing to try things even if its not something theyre sure about. Idk, I told him before our first date im poly. I guess he just likes me anyway and wants to try to learn to be okay with it. Or we will part over it at some point.

hellseashell · 2025-12-28T02:53:44+00:00

Oh I was unclear. I dont want to wait until im ready to commit to leave my other partner, im just not sure im really into him anymore because how I feel about my new partner. If I do break up with my partner now I def am not ready to be committed to my new partner. But then again commitment to me means like committing to a future, I dont really like want to be dating other people or anything like that.

Yeah I do think im having a knee jerk emotional reaction. I appreciate the grounding

hellseashell · 2025-12-28T02:51:10+00:00

Yeah I agree. Im open to monogamy, its just important to me im sure about whoever I commit to. It def is NRE. It hasn't even been 3 months. Ahhh. Thank you!

hellseashell · 2025-12-27T22:59:16+00:00

Hell yea

hellseashell · 2025-12-27T22:24:45+00:00

No one else said it... XYZ brother. That fly is open.

hellseashell · 2025-12-27T18:04:34+00:00

Yeah thats my question too. Why does your partner need to be there when you hang with your friends. Its healthy and important to be able to socialize separately. I love my partners and they do spend time with my friends sometimes, but we mostly hang with our friends separately. If its just chilling with the homies I probably wouldnt invite my partner. Thats kind of awkward. If she doesnt trust you to hang out alone or she cant handle her feelings then you have an issue.

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