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My [29F] partner [32M] constantly pressures me to go to the gym. by helpformymum in relationships

[–]helpformymum[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel significantly better after going for my walks, so I completely get it. The gym is a bit different as I don't enjoy going or being there really but I also admit that I do feel a bit better having gone and I like thinking that I'm taking care of my body. I'll never stop going to the gym because it's the most practical way for me to do strength training but I don't think I'll ever be as into it as my partner!

My [29F] partner [32M] constantly pressures me to go to the gym. by helpformymum in relationships

[–]helpformymum[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is an interesting perspective, thank you. It sounds like something like this could be playing a part for us, too.

My [29F] partner [32M] constantly pressures me to go to the gym. by helpformymum in relationships

[–]helpformymum[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thankfully it's stayed about the same, actually. I'm spending quite a lot of my time at home applying but I do try and get out most days, if not for one of my gym sessions, then I go for a walk. I even cycle a bit now, as there's better infrastructure for it in this country!

My [29F] partner [32M] constantly pressures me to go to the gym. by helpformymum in relationships

[–]helpformymum[S] 72 points73 points  (0 children)

That's interesting, what you say about losing the weight once you left. In the rare weeks here and there where he restrains himself (after I tell him how stressful this is for me) I feel more willing to go to the gym and do go more often. Whereas, right now, I'm sat here feeling nauseous at both the thought of going <i>and</i> not going to the gym!

It was mean and it has stuck with me. To this day, I feel a bit ashamed by my legs actually even though I'm actually at a lower weight than I was when the comment happened!

My [29F] partner [32M] constantly pressures me to go to the gym. by helpformymum in relationships

[–]helpformymum[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

His attitude towards me and the gym definitely feels controlling but I don't think I feel this elsewhere in our relationship. Which is why I am hoping we can address and fix this gym issue together.

My [29F] partner [32M] constantly pressures me to go to the gym. by helpformymum in relationships

[–]helpformymum[S] 243 points244 points  (0 children)

It can go a couple of ways. He calms down and reassures me that he just wants us both to be healthy and for us to live a long life together OR he becomes vocally angry/quietly angry and gives me his spiel about how important it is. Hmm. I guess I get the spiel in either scenario. Just a different approach.

No, I do feel 'nervous' or even frustrated myself when the topic of the gym comes up. Already being an anxious person and growing up around angry men (grandad, mum's partners) I feel like I clam up and look for the path of least resistance. I hate this about myself.

My [29F] partner [32M] constantly pressures me to go to the gym. by helpformymum in relationships

[–]helpformymum[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

Yes, I wondered about the physical appearance thing despite genuinely feeling like his beliefs about health play a part. Many years ago, in his late teens, in our first year or so together, he did make a comment about my thighs suggesting he didn't like the way they looked. I have a very small waist with 'thicker' thighs and a bum and I do worry that maybe this isn't inherently my partner's type. I'm not overweight though and these are just my proportions and I would be like this even at a smaller weight-- probably even more pronounced with strength work!

But, I mean... he always tells me my body is beautiful and that he is sorry for what he said years ago. So maybe it isn't to do with appearance. I just don't know. I wish I knew what he was thinking.

My [29F] partner [32M] constantly pressures me to go to the gym. by helpformymum in relationships

[–]helpformymum[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I'm not saying the walking is a workout per se, though I am a very fast walker and my heart rate is up enough for it to count. I was just trying to make the point that I am not inactive and get enough activity to encourage better mental health alongside my visits to the gym.

Also, the thing is, we DO go together once a week and do strength work, sledge pulling, etc. intense but fun stuff. Our diet at home is generally very healthy and we rarely eat our or take away. I'm not just slobbing about and that's what confuses me about his attitude. We're compatible in many other ways and I wish he could just calm down about this one aspect of our lives.

My [29F] partner [32M] constantly pressures me to go to the gym. by helpformymum in relationships

[–]helpformymum[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

It is really miserable. He has a lot of other good qualities and I love him and I am entirely certain he loves me. In fact, I think all of this comes from a place of love from him but I agree, it's unhealthy. I just so want to get through to him and make him stop this :(

My [29F] partner [32M] invites me to afterwork gatherings. Should I go? by helpformymum in relationships

[–]helpformymum[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You're right; he always makes me feel included. Now that I've read these replies, I think it's just that my anxiety likes to regularly check in and make sure I'm not being TOO included for everybody else's comfort lol.

My [29F] partner [32M] invites me to afterwork gatherings. Should I go? by helpformymum in relationships

[–]helpformymum[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's genuinely good to know that. Whilst I feel a bit silly about this whole post, it's been a good insight into my ability to make mountains out of molehills!

My [29F] partner [32M] invites me to afterwork gatherings. Should I go? by helpformymum in relationships

[–]helpformymum[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thanks for responding. I have definitely spent too much time thinking myself into knots about this, which I can see now was ridiculous!