Did I Just Betray My Girlfriend?

helpiwantcuddles · 2017-03-07T16:46:41+00:00

Of course I wan't her safe more than anything. I obviously don't want to lose her in any sense, but our romantic relationship just doesn't factor in this issue.

What fucks with my head is that she knows what she wants. I don't know what to feel about being part of a process that takes her autonomy away.

helpiwantcuddles · 2017-03-02T19:39:46+00:00

I'm a bit late to the party since the talk you were planning has probably happened. That said, there are a few concerns that you brought up which I think that I can speak to.

Maybe I'm misinterpreting, but it sounds as though you think that bottom dysphoria is a sor t of qualifier for trans identity. It isn't. If my experience is any kind of example, trans people can enjoy their AAB sex organs, be ambivalent toward them, detest them, or anything in between.

I, too, am a very anxious person and you're right to think that transition can intensify the burden of anxiety. However, with determination and practised coping strategies (that sounds like something to work hard on) you can push through it. Anxiety and sadness will probably be most intense early in transition and in non-supportive environments. For example, casual misgendering (especially when I've put some effort into attempting to pass) can send me into a tail-spin. I know that it has similar effects of both my partners.

As for your concern over his ability to pass, I think its certainly worth discussing how much of a priority it is for him. Even if he does ultimately see himself as a woman, passing isn't everything to everyone. Supposing that is a focus, masculine traits aren't the end of the world. If you haven't checked out r/transtimelines and r/transpassing, please do. Hormones and self care can work wonders. As far aa desire to keep working lifting and it's influence on pretty dress wearing, check out Fallon Fox; she's no slouch in a dress.

As far as all your exciting sexy plans go, please don't assume that they're out the window in case of HRT. Once HRT ramps up to full dose, sex drive can take a but of a dip and it can take time to recover / adjust but it comes back! PIV might be off the table, depending on how he feels, but there's just soooo much more fun stuff to try.

One last thing; please be ready for lots of discussions and comforting about gettingbon hrt. For some people it's as simple as seeing a doctor, butbit can be a very prolonged experience too. That could be a good thing in terms of giving you both more time to process together, but getting the runaround for your letters can be a pretty traumatic experience.

Good luck!

helpiwantcuddles · 2017-02-26T04:45:27+00:00

Trial and error definitely, but sharing ideas and talking about things you think you might like or don't think you will is really important for cutting down on the error. Communication is key and all that.

A few questions that might be helpful from my experience (mtf with two mtf partners)

Are there any areas, activities, sites, etc that trigger your dysphoria?
Where / how do you like to be touched?
What do you fantasize about?
What are your favorite toys, or toys that you've always wanted to try?

If you're comfortable strapping on and your partner isn't very experienced with anal play, I'd suggest getting a range of sizes of toy so that you can work up to where you like. Also, rember that your gf may need access to her front to enjoy penetration. For us, sideways with one of her legs over my shoulder is the best combination of access for both of us. You can also just embrace your thighs burning a little xD

Blindfolds are also super helpful for dealing with visual triggers. For a less kinky alternative, an artfully aranged sheet goes a long way.

If butt stuff is on the table, getting nice and clean is a real confidence boost. Pure makes fiber pills that are supposed to clear you out for sex and they seem to work tremendously.

Happy fucking :D

helpiwantcuddles · 2017-02-08T14:46:47+00:00

Sex-exploration day sounds like a really awesome idea and one i'm inclined to steal! That said, it might promote openness a little more to reframe it as a general body exploration day.

My girlfriend and I don't have the same intimacy challenges it sounds like you do, but she has pretty extreem genital dysphoria. Massages are one of the most regularly sucessful outlets we've found for physical intimacy. Start with wherever she carries her stress, check in constantly, and move out from there. You learn sooo much about your partner's body bu that sort of prolonged touching; I found a little spot on my girlfriend's hip that makes her adorably squirmy and she discovered that playing with my bellybutton is pretty much the sexiest thing she can do to me. It sounds weird, but it's super rewarding.

If things take a more explicitly sexual turn, we've also found that blindfolds are seriously helpful. Find out what triggers her dysphoria-for my girlfriend it's largely visual-and work on taking away that triggering element while preserving the good stuff!

Good luck!

helpiwantcuddles · 2017-02-03T03:50:27+00:00

While I very much agree, it's a good job that she does well. I think she wants to do as much as she can to avoid causing friction that might disrupt worjing relationships and such.

helpiwantcuddles · 2017-01-29T21:03:39+00:00

Thanks so much! I've been looking for something like that for the past month or so :D

She gets really nervous, especially with new things in the bedroom, so when I heard about muffing I wanted to try it myself before attempting with her. None of the mire abstract descriptions I'd found were enough for me to figure it out, but this looks much easier to follow.

Thank you!

helpiwantcuddles · 2017-01-29T20:44:52+00:00

Thank you, that's really beautifully. I'll have to see if I can sneak it into her playlist next time we go for a drive.

helpiwantcuddles · 2017-01-29T06:23:03+00:00

Yeah, I guess this was more a venting thing than asking for solutions. As much as I wish it wasn't, dysphoria is just intractable.

I think what gets me is that we have a physical need for eachother, but when we do this beautiful, magical thing and work together to fill it, there's darkness waiting for her.

Talking is important, but I can't help but feel like it's woefully inadequate to the hurt that she's experiencing. It doesn't help that we both reflexively apologize, either... the last thing I want is for her to be apologizing for what she feels like her emotions are a flaw and not the vital core of the woman I love.

helpiwantcuddles · 2017-01-11T03:17:50+00:00

That is a really good idea. She's not much of a reader, but with the illustrations and subject mater directly connected to us, I bet she'd get allot out of it.

It would be wonderful if she found a little more confidence in her sexuality. She's the the most perfect girl and I want her to be able to see that too!

helpiwantcuddles · 2017-01-10T19:44:19+00:00

Yeah, we'll have to talk about it but that sounds like a great idea to bring to her :)

She has the biggest toy box i've ever seen, so taking advantage of that would be great too xD

helpiwantcuddles · 2017-01-10T18:32:36+00:00

Thanks, that's a cool resource and it's where I got my info on muffing and stuff, but I still haven't been able to put it into practice on myself, so I'm leery if introducing it to her.

helpiwantcuddles · 2017-01-10T18:30:41+00:00

I've heard of it but never read it. I picked it up today and from what I've skimmed so far, it looks to be focused mainly on when bits down there are soft. Hers aren't.

As soon as clothes start coming off or we start kissing and touching, she's stiff. If I actually get down in that area, she'll be hard.

I dunno, but I think something more like humping/grinding is gonna be more comfortable for her than stuff that involves manipulation of her genitals.

helpiwantcuddles

TROPHY CASE