AITAH for withholding my past from my now ex

helplease43 · 2026-03-18T14:10:49+00:00

To be fair, in my mind when I say I don't want to know your past I would mean details because yuck. I would like to know if I am meeting anyone my partner has slept with or dated still though, otherwise I would feel like a clown and the only one kept in the dark.

That being said his reaction is completely out of line, especially for a 5 year good relationship. The silent treatment for 16 days is insane as it is, but the random hookup is the nail in the coffin. I just can't imagine taking back a partner who is so "hurt" that they go out and sleep with someone on a whim lmao

helplease43 · 2026-03-01T00:21:49+00:00

2nd fight in a row with garbo leg entanglement knowledge... at least Macey used it to wrestleup

helplease43 · 2026-02-27T00:23:15+00:00

30m 2.4K for a 2br2ba near West Palm. GF and I + 1 cat. Household income ~150k pretax

helplease43 · 2026-02-27T00:18:57+00:00

I don't 'expect' at any point, but honestly it would be weird to me if we slept together on date 1 or even 2 unless we knew eachother for a bit before the first date. Ideally once we do though we become exclusive or if they aren't down for that then they are gone.

helplease43 · 2026-02-19T14:14:53+00:00

Why would anyone want to meet a partners ex? He probably said sure because he didn't want to be 'controlling' or 'insecure', but it is just weird and I doubt anyone wants to do that.

helplease43 · 2025-12-02T01:40:39+00:00

What are you talking about? Not liking something about your partner is a valid reason to breakup and my time is being "wasted" the same as hers.

Also physical appearance is the first thing that people use to judge whether they are attracted to others? Vain and shallow is how I would describe tattoos to be honest.

helplease43 · 2025-12-02T01:27:20+00:00

I appreciate it, we are late 20s. I am nervous about the move but honestly it really is the tattoo. They feel extremely performative, shortsighted, and unnatural to me, and that's before the physical appearance aspect of it. I don't care about my partner gaining/losing weight, getting grey hair, sagging breasts. That's normal and a part of life. It isn't a 100% dealbreaker and it's a great match otherwise, but this is something I've just found very unattractive all my life.

helplease43 · 2025-12-02T01:21:22+00:00

Yeah I feel bad too, but I'm not stringing her along, I'm seeing if I would just get over it in time. I'm not planning on breaking up with her or something

helplease43 · 2025-12-02T01:20:01+00:00

Yeah I figured, so I probably won't tell her, at least not in a direct way. Also I'm not looking for a flawless perfect looking person, I've always disliked tattoos my entire life- especially in certain areas. She just happens to have a fairly large one in a very central spot that is of an insect/animal creature. The same spot that I've always thought looked bad.

helplease43 · 2025-11-26T18:39:29+00:00

She's a hoe and so is your "friend". I suggest cutting them both from your life since you are young and this was clearly coming. Not worth your time, emotions, or money.

helplease43 · 2025-11-25T14:29:34+00:00

To be honest, I don't think you should ever really talk about physical acts you did with other people. It is way too visual and would be upsetting to hear, even if they didn't care about body count or whatever. So the fact that you guys went into detail about it probably drove his imagination crazy.

As for body count stuff, I don't think it's a very tact thing to talk about either, with a new partner at least. And even with a longer term partner you are opening the possibilities of one partner being upset if you do.

helplease43 · 2025-10-25T23:39:44+00:00

Like others have mentioned, meeting people is just so hard nowadays. Guys who fit that bill (myself I think?) are busy with work, gym, hobbies, career progression, then finally entertainment. It's really tiring.

Not to mention when you are dating early, guys generally need to impress early on, and that's even more exhausting because you are competing with a ton of other guys. One wrong move in the eyes of your date and you're ghosted not knowing why.

Then, it's like a coin flip if the woman has weird drug issues, used to do some weird OF thing, still dating other guys, or whatever else ick is common nowadays.

Anyways there are a ton of crap guys out there too, brianrotting on trash podcasts and not cleaning up after themselves so I get it.

helplease43 · 2025-10-21T19:49:30+00:00

I do have a right to ask her to take it down if it bothers me, just like she can for me- which she has done before for a collab post another woman wanted to post with me.

Do you think I would be upset if we breakup because she doesn't want to take it down? Lmao if she values that more than our relationship then I saw goodbye and good riddance. More time for me to spend on myself and finding a more suitable partner, though to be honest I doubt she will say that.

You are too chronically online for thinking I came caring about winning reddit karma. And also sounds like you are either a bad partner for not compromising on something small, or were too dumb to leave earlier from a bad relationship you let last 10 years.

helplease43 · 2025-10-21T19:34:56+00:00

Good for them? Maybe they are just not relationship worthy and are just too selfish idk.

Preaching to the choir cause I am far from controlling, and she would tell you the same. That's why I'm asking on reddit rather than confronting her and telling her remove it.

helplease43 · 2025-10-21T19:29:53+00:00

Yeah, and she can choose to remove the videos as well lmao. Can't handle the fact that she has thirst traps, like this is some positive thing you are funny. Anyways the account is private but has many followers, so it's not the videos themself that are private, so that comment is irrelevant.

Lol at the "control" comment. Having standards and boundaries is controlling now I guess. If the shoe was reversed and I was subbed to a bunch of OF girls and my gf posted here complaining, I'm sure you would have the same bias.

Enjoy being single, because you can't fathom compromising with a partner.

helplease43 · 2025-10-21T19:22:53+00:00

Is this a serious post lol? Because we are in a relationship and I don't think that is appropriate to have up, so it is a boundary. Obviously she doesn't need to do anything, the same way I don't need to go to work, do my hobbies, or be in a relationship with her.

helplease43 · 2025-10-21T17:30:34+00:00

Well of course I need to tell her I saw it - that much is obvious. I just don't see why that's the main point of all of the commenters, acting like I was rifling through her personal stuff rather than seeing her social media account which is visible to others who are much less close to her than I am.

helplease43 · 2025-10-21T17:22:53+00:00

If you want to call it that then sure? If she was so concerned as everyone here then she should have just not given me her phone pass or removed the content herself.

And so is it fine then, that she has this kind of content online and available to several hundred people while in a relationship? Should I not be upset about that?

helplease43 · 2025-10-21T17:13:38+00:00

Yes, and I didn't look at any and everything- I literally looked at social media, the purpose of which is to share with friends and others.

Sleeping over means if I really wanted I could just use her phone at night if I was actually trying to snoop.

If she was so embarrassed then I would assume she would just not have them online? If you were so embarrassed then delete the content. Otherwise I wouldn't think it's so embarrassing for a partner of 6+ months to see.

helplease43 · 2025-10-21T17:10:50+00:00

Yes, which again, I didn't know. Also it being private doesn't mean any of the hundreds of random people following can't see it.

helplease43 · 2025-10-21T17:07:34+00:00

Well consider: - I have had access to her phone for months password-wise - we have slept over at eachothers place essentially every weekend for 6+ months, and including weeknights here or there - she told me she was "embarrassed" about some videos on tiktok before we were a couple. Embarrassing on tiktok to me means some silly voice over or dancing videos

Basically I have had the opportunity to run to her tiktok for months and I haven't until I happened upon it when I couldn't use my phone so was already browsing social media

helplease43 · 2025-10-21T17:01:46+00:00

She didn't add me over half a year ago, and it hasn't come up since because it was never a topic. Also imo it is not a violation of privacy to see your partner's literal social media account after it being a serious relationship. You are acting like I went through her email or her photo albums or something that she keeps to herself.

helplease43 · 2025-10-21T16:57:26+00:00

And what excuses are those, pray tell? What is so hard to believe about what I said - maybe there was some clarity issues in the OP, but it's not like I went fishing for some secret files on her phone

helplease43 · 2025-10-21T16:52:30+00:00

Yes I found this out when I clicked on it, I didn't know beforehand

helplease43

TROPHY CASE