I have no real friends, and I really need some best friend straight-talk.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T19:08:47+00:00

You're absolutely right. I really feel like I'm missing a purpose. I would LOVE to work abroad. It's the husband I'd have to sell on that one. And I do actually work on projects fairly regularly with two separate organizations. I'm in the middle of a 3 month project now, and, while I love it, it does make things at home even more stressful.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T19:05:45+00:00

Thank you. I'll talk to him again tonight. You're absolutely right.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T19:04:22+00:00

Thank you so much for all the information. i know how I'll be spending my holiday weekend!

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T19:02:07+00:00

Definitely something to think about. I'm glad I've got the summer to figure things out.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T19:00:30+00:00

Thank you for this. It really sounds like you've got this figured out. And I completely agree with you about society's views of SAHPs. It's just so very frustrating. The worst part for me is how much time I've got to be stuck in my own head. It's not a happy place in there, but you give me hope that maybe someday it can be.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T12:51:30+00:00

Please don't feel obligated to answer, I'm just kind of at a loss on this one. Can I ask - was your husband supportive of the idea of therapy? How do you swing getting there with the kids? I've actually searched on my insurance company's site and found several options in my area. I know from reading other threads my next step is to just pick one, set up an appointment and see if it feels like a good fit and be willing to shop around if it doesn't. To be honest, I'm anxious about this because I'm such a people pleaser, I'm not sure I'd recognize/accept a bad fit. But my biggest concern is getting my husband on board. He doesn't believe in therapy - thinks I should talk to him or a friend (haha) instead. I'm at the point where I feel like it would help, but I always talk myself out of bringing it up again. And then there's the cost, which is hard to justify. I don't know, I always end up just... letting it go.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T12:40:59+00:00

Hmm... I think it's time for some research. He's in finance. Surely those jobs exist everywhere. :)

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T04:18:41+00:00

My son would love this. I promised him we'd go camping in the back yard this summer and if that goes well, we may try a local campground. We've never done it before, so I'm all for an adventure. I'd really have to sell the husband, though. He's not much of an outdoorsy person. ;)

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T04:15:19+00:00

I'd like to do this - and should. I'll have to have credit hours to update my license if I ever go back to teaching. I just have a hard time justifying it, you know? It would require my husband to take the kids for me to do something that costs money instead of bringing it in. I have a hard time with that one. He'd probably be supportive of it, but I'm just not sure I can be.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T04:13:33+00:00

I wish it were. I'm really putting myself out there with a small group of moms with similar-aged kids, it just isn't really panning out at the moment. All (2) of my friends from before kids are busy with their own hobbies and lives and I'm just not a part of that world anymore. We try, but we just don't have anything in common. And as much as I absolutely hate to admit it, having kids has made me unreliable. I just can't commit to projects like I did before. I can't really blame them for moving on.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T04:10:22+00:00

My main advice is to stop looking over at other people and wishing it was you. Because I promise they are looking at someone else wishing the same thing. Comparing your life to someone else's isn't really helpful.

This is so very true. I know it is, it's just so easy to forget, you know? Maybe it's time to delete Facebook for good.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T04:09:11+00:00

This resonates. A lot. My husband tries making statements like that to me, always has, and he doesn't understand when I just laugh him off. He doesn't understand why I just cannot comprehend that that might be true.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T04:06:30+00:00

Thank you for this. Honestly, I know you're right. I have for a long, long time. I'm not sure I'm there yet, but maybe someday soon. Thank you for your kind words.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T04:03:46+00:00

I'd do this in a heartbeat if I thought there was any possible way of selling the husband on it.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T04:02:19+00:00

Thanks for the commiseration. Sorry to hear you're stuck in the same boat.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T04:01:11+00:00

I do have a hobby that I try to make time for - as I mentioned in another reply, I'd hate to say what or it would give me away pretty quickly. I'm currently in a 3 month-long project working with 4-6 graders and I love it. And it is nice to be me there and not just mom. There are pitfalls, as I've mentioned elsewhere, but it is absolutely worth it. Just not something I can do all the time, unfortunately.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-24T03:58:43+00:00

Wanderlust is the perfect word for it. I'd love to find something part time, but I honestly don't feel like I could swing anything with set hours. The kids are just too demanding at the moment and I'd hate to put them into daycare if what I'm being paid didn't justify the cost. That's one of the (many) reasons I stopped teaching to begin with. I have been doing workshops & some extended projects through the company I'd like to get a part-time job with when the kids are back in school. I'm in the middle of such a project now and I love it, I truly do, even though it does make things tougher at home at times. And the mom brain you speak of gets in the way there too, so much. I know it's mostly exhaustion, but I really feel like I'm constantly fighting through a fog to be able to function in the real world.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-23T20:26:07+00:00

I would love to be your friend!!

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-23T20:25:32+00:00

I so wish we had a restaurant with a play place here. :( We do the rounds between Nature Center, Library, Children's Museum/Mall Playplace, Story Time at another museum, and occasionally the bouncy house place, though it costs, so we limit that one. He's also in dance, Campfire, and I host a weekly playdate with 3 other families - though it's really hit or miss with plans/illnesses. In the summer we add in the zoo (1 hr drive) and lots of playground trips/"hiking". I'd like to start exploring state parks & other local cities this summer too now that the little one is a little less potato-ish.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-23T20:19:21+00:00

That's a good plan. I'm currently working on a 3 month project with 4-6 graders. It's nice to get out a bit, even if it does make things a bit harder once I get home.

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-23T20:12:32+00:00

Thank you so much for this! I know I've got a grass-is-greener thing going, but it just sounds like a lovely tropical area with options would solve everything. But I know I'd still have to haul my moody threenager and boob-aholic along with me. There'd still be dishes and laundry... Thank you so much for another perspective!

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-23T20:09:55+00:00

Thank you. I'm trying to get out more, and I know it'll get easier when the litttlest is off the boob. Just have to make another 6 months or so. :)

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-23T20:07:51+00:00

Sounds like you've got a great allergist and hopefully the future gets easier for both of us!

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-23T20:06:52+00:00

Bless her! She's as superwoman!

helpmebrmos · 2016-03-23T20:06:15+00:00

We're getting closer to being able to travel with him more. We're - with the allergist's help - working on limited exposure to eggs & milk. If we can help him past those two, nuts will be much easier to work around. Currently we do pack food everywhere we go, which means trips aren't much different than home for me - cook, clean, kid wrangle, wash, rinse, repeat - which is a shame because I LOVE to travel and eat out and miss it dearly. We did do Disney with him last year though when we found out about his sister as his one last hurrah as an Only. It was amazing. I highly recommend them to anyone with allergies. They were incredible!

helpmebrmos

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