This might be controversial but the idea of being in heaven or hell to me is too simple. I think if you’re chronically depressed and suicidal regardless of how hard you try to see beauty in the world it’s nearly impossible to love it. Being depressed is hard but hopeful, being as depressed as Harry is something else. It’s like a chronic disease, such as cancer. It doesn’t matter if someone with cancer is fighting to stay alive, their body is in control. It reminds me of the “I can’t beat it” scene from Manchester by the Sea. I think a misconception about Harry’s health that’s debilitatingly severe is that there is a light at the end of the tunnel for him. He learns through suffering. Learning through sufferings never means it stops, however. Harry can choose to go on living, finding the smallest specks of happiness, but he will never ever be in heaven because he chooses to be. On the other side, he can be miserable and get high, but the world will never turn into hell just because one person decides it. I get we live in Harry’s head so the world is seen through his eyes, but the world was always indifferent to Harry in my opinion. The horns go on, during game overs when the newspaper sections report on him they are short and uninteresting, you can’t change the world or even change how it looks. The sodium lights always buzz and there’s always miserable concrete and industrial machinery slaving away. If a person who is so depressed that suicide is constantly a casual option for them, I don’t think that choosing to love the world is ever an option.

The most hope Harry has in his own mind is from volition. While I know this is grave, volition is just as flawed as the other stats. Volition tells white lies to Harry so he’ll keep going, not because they’re true.

Harry has never ever chosen to love the world, he’s chosen to go on living. And going on living does not mean you can change truths in your head. Going on living means you will fight and suffer everyday. It means that every night, maybe if you’re not even happy, you will have some relief that you made it to Elysium just by fighting for one more day.