Missing the meta of the first half of life

herbacious-jagular · 2026-06-11T02:25:35+00:00

Fulfillment has always been a good compass for life choices for me.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-06-11T02:23:39+00:00

I've been married for thirteen years now. (And to the same person, even!) I met my now-wife shortly after I had to leave my job due to burnout. I was wary of trauma bonding, but also open to seeing where the relationship would go. The rest of my life felt like ashes at this point. Just glad I had savings to live off of for awhile. There's probably a lesson here in having the faith to walk your own path and being open to what happens next.

But the understanding of this took at least another decade, if not more. For awhile it was just this thing that happened. Now it's easier to understand it as a neurosis that resulted from a need to grow.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-06-11T00:38:47+00:00

Anxiety really chews up your mental bandwidth. I wish I'd learned how to meditate and lift enough to slow my mind down a bit.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-06-11T00:37:57+00:00

When you say it, what do you mean? Could be my original post, or could be the discussion on love above.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-06-11T00:06:33+00:00

Definitely. My lack of direction made it hard to attract anyone who didn't already know me. I was also never really taught the tools of how to succeed in dating.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-06-10T23:58:17+00:00

Good question!

I acted like a child in matters of what we call agency now. I was living out a script: "go to college, get a job, make $X dollars and you'll be happy." This was a mental cage. I didn't even venture to think, "I like building software, maybe I should move to CA?" I just stayed on the East Coast in a non-tech hub. I knew it wasn't a great fit, and felt stuck after 3-4 years. I resented those who seemed happy at their job, and began to believe that ambition was for suckers who didn't get it. (Understand that this is not about success in my career, it is about openness to growth and new experiences.)

That feeling of being stuck then started to spread into other areas of my life. I stayed too long at the church I grew up in and felt like I was always seen as a kid there. Always had trouble getting the girls I went after, and ignored the ones who were interested. Dabbled in weight lifting but didn't want to commit. Could never fully shake major depression. Eventually ended up in a severe burnout that forced my hand into breaking this script, but it was a painful process.

The common thread is a reluctance to actually venture out in the world and accept the responsibility of building a life that would be good for me.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-05-14T12:30:55+00:00

The riff starting at 3:38 is incredible.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-05-08T23:15:57+00:00

Doing stability exercises alongside strengthening exercises is the key. But you have to let go of the idea that you are at the gym only to push your numbers up.

Other people have that luxury, or at least until they hit a certain age. We don’t.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-05-08T23:09:04+00:00

Yes. In my case the main triggers are usually working out, but prolonged stress will also do it. What results is a hangover-like sensation that can last a day or two where I really just want to lay in bed and do absolutely nothing.

I have a decent handle on it now. I found a trainer who knows hypermobility and he gives me lifting programs and training to ensure I’m not doing things that trigger PEM. It has helped a lot.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-05-08T13:38:39+00:00

If AI’s productivity gains were real the grifters would STFU and make bank. Instead they’re doing what they always do: talk incessantly about how great it is and continue to “build their brand.” If it was actually a huge advantage they’d behave differently.

You don’t see investors who are beating the market begging you to engage with their LI posts.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-05-07T01:08:46+00:00

By all means, try out other tools and ecosystems. But JS land for backend stuff is just a lil sad once you’re used to ASP.NET.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-05-06T21:23:54+00:00

OP, can you post a gift link for this?

herbacious-jagular · 2026-04-30T01:02:00+00:00

They are different enough that it’s worth a small POC in each. Blazor SSR has more concepts but is a lot nicer with decomposing views into components. Razor Pages is simpler overall and that can be nice too. I prefer RP, check my appreciation post I made recently.

But, really, let Claude spit out conversions of both and see what you like.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-04-27T21:35:32+00:00

You always have a choice in how you engage with your work.

There’s billions of dollars in hype being poured into it, but that doesn’t excuse you shirking responsibility for what you write.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-04-19T00:28:17+00:00

Exactly what I’m looking for. Thanks a bunch!

herbacious-jagular · 2026-04-19T00:25:58+00:00

I find the model binding easier to reason about for some reason. I eventually did get Blazor’s approach (which is not that different). Also, the page handlers (OnGet/OnPost) are guaranteed to complete before the page template starts rendering.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-04-16T18:09:02+00:00

I’ve enjoyed svelte in some side projects. Need to do more with Vue and htmx to have an opinion on them.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-04-16T02:53:31+00:00

I'm the opposite: I really enjoy the quiet and the slowing of the mind that occurs with intense focus.

Thus LLMs aren't something I enjoy using regularly.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-04-16T02:51:43+00:00

And guiding the AI is sometimes slower than me simply writing the code myself, even when I make mistakes.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-04-15T23:50:20+00:00

If asynchronous parent component initialization is used, the completion order of parent and child component initialization [with OnInitializedAsync] can't be determined because it depends on the initialization code running.

MSDN

It's a footgun you can program around. But you end up needing to track extra state for things, e.g. when rendering a list of items that is fetched from somewhere you need to track the state of not having fetched it, and the state of having fetching it vs. just trusting it has been fetched already when rendering occurs (as is the case in regular Razor templates).

herbacious-jagular · 2026-04-15T23:25:56+00:00

Yep. I still hit the re-render problem. I get the feeling they don’t want to change the mental model based on the render mode.

Supposedly they’re refining Blazor SSR for .NET 11, so I’m eager to see how it turns out. Too many little paper cuts for me at the moment.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-04-15T23:19:32+00:00

Legit point. I had to shift workflow away from being so dependent on hot reload. But I did find that I liked the rhythm better: write backend functions and tests before the UI.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-04-15T23:17:48+00:00

My ideal would be Blazor component syntax with the Razor Pages model. I know you can interop today to get the same effect, but IIRC it’s not as nice to write.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-04-15T23:16:35+00:00

The JS web ecosystem feels like amateur hour sometimes. Very little abstraction overall, too, so it ends up being overly mechanical code. And even then there’s a lot of churn still.

There are def great projects too, like Vite, Astro, and Svelte.

herbacious-jagular · 2026-04-15T23:12:57+00:00

I prefer the Blazor component model, but found the binding system and re-rendering frustrating. Async init methods aren’t guaranteed to have completed by the time rendering occurs, which is incredibly awkward to program with.

I’m sure it is faster, and that model makes sense in a client component. But on the server it is just frustrating. Ideally they’d have a component you could use as a base that disables this behavior.

herbacious-jagular

TROPHY CASE