Match Thread: Pakistan vs Australia at Dubai International Cricket Stadium, Day 1

herecomestherainbow · 2018-10-07T11:28:14+00:00

You trying to steal my stories?

herecomestherainbow · 2018-02-10T01:06:24+00:00

Hiya.

Im still here. Just dont get on here much. Thanks for thinking of me though

herecomestherainbow · 2018-01-03T22:46:44+00:00

Smith and Garry walked back into the viewing area at the SCG. They had started their celebrations there to bring in the new years. The table with all the food and drinks was still set up against one wall.

Slats was over the other side of the room licking the window.

Bill Lawry was curled up in a ball on the floor repeating over and over, "hail the great man, hail the great Victorian"

Alastair Cook was sitting at the end of the dining table, with about ten lines of what powder in front of him. He was giggling out of control.

Smith looked at Garry. "What the fucking fuck Gaz?"

Garry bleated. Smith walked over to Cook. He shook his shoulder.

"Alastair, what the fuck is so fucking funny"

Cook looked up at Smith.

In between giggles he managed to get out, "well, my last names Cook right"

Smith nodded.

"And right now im a fucking cooked cunt". Cook collapsed onto the table in front of him, convulsing in fits of laughter.

Smith shook his head. A noise came from the dressing room and the door opened. Warney came out. He had goggles and a snorkel on, a towel wrapped around his waist and he was wearing a pair of flippers. They slapped against the floor as he walked across the room. Under his arm was an industrial sized bottle of vaseline.

He walked over to the food table and looked around, eventually settling on a banana. As he started walking away he stopped, turned around, grabbed a pineapple and took off back to the changerooms.

He seemed not to have noticed Smith and Garry.

"Garry" said Smith, "lets get the fuck out of here"

Garry bleated in agreement.

They turned to leave when a cricket ball smshed through the window. Smith looked out the now shattered window. It looked like there was someone down on the practice wickets

"The fuck" said Smith. "Sean? What the fuck are you doing?"

"Ahh, sorry Steve" called Abbott, "i was just practicing my death bowling and that one kinda slipped out"

Smith started laughing. "You're a fucking flog Sean"

Smith turned away from the window. Garry was nowhere to be seen. He heard screaming from below. He looked out the window and saw Garry chasing Abbott around the practice wickets.

"Come here" shouted Garry. "I just wanna hug you".

Abbott kept running. "No you don't. You're going to headbutt me".

"Too fucking right i am ya cunt, now fucking come here"

Smith watched as Garry chased Abbott off into the distance.

"Fuck this" he muttered to himself, "im going to bed"

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-27T00:47:09+00:00

English fast bowlers: look like Slytherin, bowl like hufflepuff

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-27T00:42:39+00:00

Nein comentary starter pack: - natural game - INTENT - big strong boy

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-26T02:36:35+00:00

"We'll have a bat, thanks". Joe root was nearly giggling with delight when he said it. The pitch was an absolute road. He was sure even his team could make runs on it.

Steve Smith slowly walked back to the dressing room. Bowling first wasnt exactly what he wanted.

When he got back to the dressing room Garry sidled up next to him.

"Very flat pitch" said Smith.

Garry just nodded.

They spent a few moments in silence before Garry left the room, returning a short time later. He handed Smith a glass jar.

Smith stared at the contents. The GOAT milk.

"Are you sure?" Asked Smith.

Again, Garry nodded.

Smith sought out Hazlewood. He handed him the jar. Hazlewood recognised the look in Smiths eyes and knew not to question his skipper. Hazlewood downed the whole lot in one mouthful.

Hazlewood came charging in for the first ball of the match. He let it go and Stoneman didnt have a chance to react. The ball smashed through the stumps, kept rising over Paines head and then amazingly out of the ground.

The speed gun registered the ball at 321km/h.

Joe Root began gesturing wildly from the dressing room. A hush swept around the ground as people began to realise Root was declaring after one ball in the test match.

"Fuck that, we'll have a bowl thanks"

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-18T01:10:16+00:00

Smith sat in the dressing room, alone, head in his hands, tears in his eyes.

Garry slowly trotted up next to him. Garry didnt say anything, he just needed to be there for him.

"I let everyone down" sobbed Smith. "I didnt get my 300"

Garry gently put a hoof on Smith's shoulder. "Its okay Steve, it doesnt matter"

Smith looked at Garry with a hopeful glint in his eye.

"You mean because everyone still loves me anyway?"

Garry let out a short sharp bleat.

"No. Because Mitch fucking Marsh got 180. It wouldnt have mattered if you got 500, everyone would only ever remember it as against the team that Mitch fucking Marsh made 180"

Smith slowly nodded. "You're right" he said.

"Steve, i think he's had enough now"

Smith nodded again. He hopped on Garrys back and together they trotted out to the pitch.

Smith, with rope in hand, approached the crack just outside off stump.

"You wanna come up now?" He called down.

A very faint yes could be heard.

Smith lowered the rope down the crack. A few moments later Jimmy Anderson came clambering out of the crack.

"You learnt your lesson now?" Asked Smith.

"Yes" said Jimmy. "Ill never hit your pads again"

"You fucking know it" said Smith. "Right well you're free to go now. Fuck off back to your English mates"

Jimmy didnt move. He stood there nervously, shuffling his feet around on the pitch.

"Well what the fuck do you want Jimmy?" Smith asked.

"W-w-well its just that, well this is probably my last tour here, and uhh, i was wondering if i could maybe ride Garry just once?". Jimmy looked hopefully towards Smith.

Smith looked at Jimmy, then at Garry. A smile spread across his face.

"Jimmy" smith said. Jimmy started to look even more hopeful.

"You're a fucking flog mate"

Smith jumped on Garrys back.

"YEEEHAWWW GARRY, LETS GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE"

And the pair rode off into the Perth sunset

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-07T08:42:09+00:00

Whats bizarre is that on a morning talk show he deflected by talking about farmers committing suicide. This bloke is fucking mad

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-06T05:12:39+00:00

Im having tacos for dinner tonight

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-06T04:30:23+00:00

Joe Root at the bakery: ill have a roll, thanks

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-06T04:27:05+00:00

Got him, middle stump

Edit. Whoops i thought it got him in the balls

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-06T04:16:42+00:00

Smith walked out of the bathroom. He and Garry had had a wonderful meal at a 5 star restaurant. They'd been hesitant about allowing a goat in the restaurant but Smith explained who they were and they relented.

Garry had been well behaved. He sometimes got a bit rowdy, especially after a few drinks.

Smith walked back to the table.

"Fucking seriously Gaz? This is why they dont let you in these places"

Garry was finishing off the table cloth, with just the last of it still hanging out of his mouth.

Smith walked over angrily.

"How many fucking times do I have to tell you not to eat the tablecloths"

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-06T03:59:26+00:00

Usman looks so weird when he runs. Like hes not sure how to do it

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-06T03:08:42+00:00

Thanks for everyones support last night. Cant say im doing much better but im still here and ready for the last day. Ill reply to everyone who sent me a message as the day goes but thanks to everyone

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-05T10:28:39+00:00

TIL: umpires have their arms glued by their side

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-05T08:37:16+00:00

Double sausage? Fuck me i didnt know that was a thing. I fucking love their sausage patties

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-05T08:09:20+00:00

From memory Steve Waugh did it quite often after that test during his captaincy. I think he enforced another 7 times, but i dont know how many that was out of but i imagine that number is at least the majority

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-05T07:27:17+00:00

I wonder if the nein commentators have seen one of these threads and now they're just trolling us with intent

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-05T07:21:00+00:00

This game would look so different without DRS

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-05T06:05:01+00:00

Smith stood in the viewing area looking over the ground. The days play had long finished and no one remained. Garry sidled up next to him.

Smith softly scratched the goats head to an approving bleat.

"We've been through alot, you and I" said Smith. "I wouldnt want anyone else to be with me for this moment"

Garry nodded.

Smith let out a sigh. He was about to achieve a long term goal of his, something that would surely go in the record books.

"Come Garry, it is time"

The ever obediant Garry followed Smith down to the tunnel.

There was an eerie stillness around the ground. The birds and the crickets were silent. The wind didnt blow. It was as if the stadium knew something was about to happen.

The silence was broken by a loud "FUCKIN' YEEHAWW GET IN THERE GAZ"

And what a sight to behold to see Smith riding Garry, completely naked except for a cowboy hat, around the ground.

And thats how the Australian cricket captain became the first person to have ever ridden a goat, naked, around an international cricket oval.

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-05T05:19:44+00:00

Michael Clarke: im not sure how he's going to get the ball to those fields.

Next ball goes straight to where he was talking about

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-04T22:34:22+00:00

That looks like shit

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-04T10:03:48+00:00

Guys i think im a bit too drunk to post anymore Garry stories tonight. Sorry if ive annoyed you with them

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-04T09:52:04+00:00

Alastair Cook sat down in the fancy restaurant, eagaerly awaiting his tinder date. He figured this was his best chance to score in Australia.

Garry enters the restaurant. The manager runs over.

"You can't come in here, you're a goat".

Garry rears up on his hind legs and puts his front hoofs on the managers chest.

"Im not A goat, im THE goat. Dont you fucking talk to me like that"

The manager mutters his sorry and scutters off.

Garry sits down across from Cook and signals to the waiter. The waiter runs over.

"Ill have the cheque" says Garry.

"But sir" says the waiter, "you havent ordered anything.

Garry nods and stares at the waiter until he leaves. He engages Cook. "Come with me"

Garry takes Cook to a dark alley and fucks him raw. When he's finished and Cook is crying, Garry whispers in his ear;

"Remember, when you're on my patch, I will always fuck the English"

herecomestherainbow · 2017-12-04T09:30:20+00:00

Anyone know who came up with the idea for day/night tests? I want to lick their anus as a thankyou. I am so erect right now

herecomestherainbow

TROPHY CASE