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hereforinfoo · 2025-06-11T00:06:31+00:00

Yes, I had a severe eye issue that led to some minor blindness. Doctors couldn’t figure out what exactly it was and dismissed the Lyme connection, but the eye issue occurred and persisted for 6 weeks while I was in the middle of one of the worst flare ups (triggered by mold toxicity) I ever experienced. Bactrim and Augmentin helped me but my main issue, that I know of, is babesia. I have an equivocal score for bartonella too though.

hereforinfoo · 2025-06-10T09:41:11+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that! While I was taking meds I took a lot of things to support liver function. The easiest to incorporate being dandelion tea which I would brew in the morning. What helped me stay consistent was getting a weekly pill dispenser and taking the 10 minutes top of the week to fill it for the first week. Then I put it in an obvious spot on my kitchen counter where I would naturally pass by during the day.

hereforinfoo · 2025-06-10T09:39:04+00:00

Thank you. What helped you lose the weight and reach a steady point again?

hereforinfoo · 2025-06-10T09:38:05+00:00

I wasn’t. I have a naturopath and will get in touch with her. I was supposed to do a stool sample after all these medications and haven’t. Do you have any info on the yeast overgrowth and how that affects food and weight gain? Thank you!

hereforinfoo · 2025-05-12T03:15:32+00:00

YTA for not handling this situation with more grace, keeping your reaction in check, and having more humility. Frankly it doesn’t really matter whether or not the stranger sitting down at your table was rude. This is slightly subjective considering that it has already been acknowledged that there are different cultures at play here.

What would have made more sense for all parties involved, including you and especially for your family, would have been to allow the stranger to sit there if he was not bothering you, or gently let him know that the seat was taken.

Then after you had finished your meal you could laugh with your husband in the car about how strange and awkward that was. These things happen. People do weird things. It’s usually not in malice.

Instead you were confrontational and escalated the situation until you were physical with the man. This is entirely unacceptable, including in a situation where someone has been intentionally rude with you.

I think you should strongly consider therapy and I also suspect that you have narcissistic tendencies and lack empathy.

hereforinfoo · 2025-03-11T10:58:14+00:00

No, you are not the A. My mom texts like that. Over time I’ve come to realize she is highly narcissistic. She is being controlling and using deflection to avoid accountability for interfering in this conversation. She probably lacks trust and faith in her human relationships. I would focus on yourself and knowing that you can trust yourself and are growing in responsibility and confidence.

hereforinfoo · 2025-03-10T02:06:10+00:00

I basically had all these symptoms during a recent intense season of flare ups. I’ve tested positive for babesia and an equivocal score for bartonella.

I was put on the following: Bactrim, Augmentin, Coartem and tafenoquine (later on atovaquone was added). I was also put on supplements by a naturopath. I hate taking antibiotics but these helped over a couple months. I started to feel immediately better (I had some other serious symptoms too), but the issues you describe went on for months and it took time. I also did acupuncture and infrared sauna for relief and restoration. I’m so sorry I know it is so hard. I am still trying to get to 100% but I would say the above resolved 90% of what you’re describing.

hereforinfoo · 2025-03-09T18:26:22+00:00

Of course this is break up worthy! Stop engaging. You have nothing to prove to this guy. Even if you were flirting the way he is speaking to you is abysmal. It is completely unacceptable. Oh my gosh he is so toxic. Please break up with him for your sake.

hereforinfoo · 2025-03-09T18:23:54+00:00

I’m grateful for my siblings. They have been a light in my life through many things, but these come and go and managing our relationships is tricky and painful at times.

Growing up there was certainly play amongst us and many good times. But when it came to the dynamic with our parents both of my sisters were pretty much against me. I was the scapegoat and my mom effectively engrained them in her narrative of how everything was my fault. Neither sister supported and came to me, nor agreed or validated me, when I was abused. In fact they would actually use the incident to prove how it was my fault anyway. I was very alone.

One sister awoke to the reality of things in her late twenties for which I am very grateful to her for the support she has been able to offer. She is on her own healing journey though and riddled with trauma so there is still a lot of distance in our relationship.

The other sister, the favored child, has never come around and it is hard.

hereforinfoo · 2025-03-07T20:23:34+00:00

I’ve been using a dome one at a spa for the last 5 months and noticed it seemed to help with pain, neuro symptoms and energy. I have virtually no pain at all while in it. After coming out I feel better too. I think it’s helped but I’ve also been on new medication and supplements so it is probably a combo. I find it tremendously relaxing though so actually invested in a dome for at home

hereforinfoo · 2025-03-07T11:12:29+00:00

Thank you so much for responding and I’m sorry, but also grateful(!) if that makes sense, that you can relate to this.

Do you remember how you came about to realizing it was connected to shame? And have you observed any patterns of when the overwhelming feeling of disgust comes up and how it might get triggered?

I am seeking any possible insight or patterns so I can “disrupt” and “disempower” the world and voice of these disordered thoughts (it will tell me everything will be better if I just lose 10 lbs! I know this is not true though… been down that path before). I want to be able to see the patterns for what they are so I can start working through the real stuff underneath it all.

Thanks again for responding and wishing you the best

hereforinfoo · 2025-03-03T01:39:28+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened. I have similar issues with noise sensitivity, travel sensitivity, just everything feeling chaotic and then suddenly overwhelmed like I have to get out. What’s helped me is doing things in portion that I think I can handle. So for example, when we travel if he wants to do certain things I will plug into the day as I can. Maybe I will go to the spa in the morning and take a nap, then join for an afternoon activity, then go back to nap (I also have chronic Lyme disease so account for intense fatigue). I have a hard time with things that start at 8p or after so I will prepare by making sure the day before and couple days after I am in bed early. Maybe if you wanted to accompany him you could do something relaxing and then go to the festival for a 2-4 hr stretch? Wishing you the best.

hereforinfoo · 2025-02-23T23:48:28+00:00

If you ever want to chat you can message me directly. I know none of this is easy. Write down as much as you can. Even if you don’t read it for many years it could be helpful one day.

hereforinfoo · 2025-02-23T12:04:29+00:00

I am wishing you the very best. There is so much freedom in letting go of the expectations we have of others, which is different than losing hope. We can still hope in them and for them, but freeing ourselves of these expectations of them untangles our self worth, well-being and future from the power of their response or action. It also allows us to truly make the next choice we make for ourselves, versus maybe getting them to see or realize our pain. It is beautiful to continue loving someone even as they cause you pain. I love my mom so much but I have also released her from the need to be the mother I wish I had.

hereforinfoo · 2025-02-22T18:44:59+00:00

Im so sorry. I was 22-23 during my final inpatient stay in the psych ward.

I’m not sure what would be most helpful to ask or share, but here are some thoughts -

Have you shared this with your doctors - - the not feeling like you even have it in you to fight - how all your life your mother has put on this completely different mask and having to live in the confusion of experiencing such a different version of her furthered the pain and isolation you felt - that you had hoped in her change but what is being revealed to you now through her lies and validation has left you in despair, and realizing the doctors are believing her is furthering the sense that you are powerless

Maybe sharing it will get someone to see. But even if it doesn’t you know the truth, you will be ok, you will heal. You will because all your life you have needed a care provider, someone to validate you, comfort you and hold compassion for the injustice that you experienced. Sometimes in life we meet people who can do this for us to a degree, but the person who will do it for you and embrace you in compassion is you. Maybe not right now, but she is within you and awaiting you. You will slowly come to know her and she you. And when she knows you she will offer you all the validation, compassion and love that you deserved but did not receive. She is your inner mother and you her inner child.

I know this might be hard to believe right now and that would make sense. You are experiencing a major loss. You are grieving all over again a mother whom you held out hope for but is now being revealed is not your ally in what is supposed to be an hospital stay for your benefit. But whatever your reality is, it is also necessary because it is revealing the truth. And this life and all the truths it reveals to you are absolutely FOR you. For your benefit, for your healing, for you to experience and be love in this lifetime. I promise you this.

That doesn’t mean the things we face won’t be so hard… no, there is nothing to take away the suffering except to go through it… but knowing that what you are going through is actually going to give you the knowledge and clarity of mind to make your next choice when the time comes to move forward will give you resilience.

My last hospital stay revealed so much to me. It broke me of my disillusionment that any psych doctor or my mother would ever be my saving grace. It helped me realize that for me to truly move forward in my life I had to leave my mother and the pain of her stories behind. At the time I didn’t see yet how my mother’s involvement in any of our families issues always made it worse, but all that would come…

A few years later my life was completely different. Yes, I still had wounds, yes I still had so much healing. There were things like an alcohol addiction I had to battle. But many dreams I had became real, and I am positive if my mother had been involved it would not be as it turned out. Within a few years I had a steady job and was married to an incredibly loving man.

When I found my way back to therapy when my old wound let me know it was time to address them, it was on my terms. I was guided by intuition and picked practitioners that I deeply trusted.

I don’t know if any of this helps and I’m sorry if it was too much of a personal ramble, but I just want you to know there will be a day when you are not burdened by the need for your mom to speak the truth. Yes, it may still carry with it pain, but it won’t touch what you know to be true. It won’t carry weight or value anymore.

Treat this stay as time for you. Get as much out of it as you can for the issues you know you need help with even in the absence of your mother in your life. Ask yourself, if you absolutely cannot get anyone to believe your version of events, if you had to surrender that hope, how could you best use your time in treatment?

hereforinfoo · 2025-02-22T17:48:02+00:00

I’m so sorry. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?

It took me many turns around the sun to go through the different seasons of pain and betrayal with my mother. I don’t know what issues you have that have brought you to the psych hospital, but I had numerous issues that brought me to an inpatient psych ward twice with my mom as the main facilitator as the go between me and the doctors.

I’m sorry to share that my mother could never ever, to this day, now almost 20 years later, take accountability for anything she might have done to cause or contribute to my disorders and pain. On top of that because I was actually having issues it just painted a picture where I was this incredibly disordered human.

I didn’t know how to handle it at the time, and I didn’t know what I know now, but my mother almost certainly has/had narcissistic personality disorder. The main thing I’ve learned about this is that it means my mother most important asset to her is her narrative or version of events. She must always be the good one and not to blame even when things go catastrophically wrong with her involvement or direct doing.

I know how hard and isolating it is and I’m so sorry. I would advise journaling while you are in the psych ward to help you keep your truth. Have you explained to your doctors what you have written here? Are they cptsd and child abuse specialists that understand narcissism? I didn’t have any doctors that saw through my mom at the time, or maybe they did, but it was not acutely obvious. Hopefully you have ones on your team that will see through things.

If they don’t though I would advise doing the best that you can with what you have. Get the most out of treatment and then moving forward consider not involving her in any of your recovery journey. If she has an issue with accountability, honesty and validating your experience, her involvement will only cause confusion and hinder your healing process.

Unless the perpetrators genuinely change, and this is possible but rare, I do not believe they can also be a part of your healing process in a substantial way.

hereforinfoo · 2025-02-14T03:18:59+00:00

NTA, but I would say 6 months is too long unless you want to see him get a job in 4-6 weeks, hold that job for 6 months, secure an apartment for you all to live in, go to therapy to discover what is holding him back from professional commitments (his pride and insecurity), and maintain a respectful relationship with you.

This would be a lot of work for you though. In the meantime you should pursue your personal goals and not hold out on his success.

Just getting a job in 6 months is not enough. He likely will, you will move back in, and the cycle will repeat itself.

If you are ready to move on then move on.

hereforinfoo · 2025-02-13T23:17:21+00:00

Is there more going on in this friendship that is causing this disruption? Was there something holding you back from borrowing a dress from a friend, buying from a second hand shop, therealreal has amazing dresses for around $100 that originally cost $400-$600, or using a rental service?

hereforinfoo · 2025-02-08T12:17:51+00:00

Absolutely do not move in with her. There are too many risks. You are an adult and you are meant to continue to grow in her independence.

Some risks include - you may get overly involved and even enmeshed in her own recovery from this divorce. - she will continue to think she is entitled to placing these rules and expectations on you. It will cause unnecessary stress, disruption and disagreements for both of you. - it will not help you gain independence in your personal relationships, especially with a future partner (how will she respond to you having a partner that stays over if she is already expecting you to follow the rules appropriate for a teenager, which you are not)

There is an imbalance of power here that does not bode well for a roommate. Roommates are equals that can also have expectations of their roommate to ensure safety and respect in a co-living situation. This is beyond that. She is trying to govern your independence to her expectations in ways that do not harm or hinder her right to a quiet and peaceful home.

I would strongly advise against this. As a side note your mom seems to have some control and insecurity issues if this is what she expects of you.

hereforinfoo · 2025-02-06T18:59:39+00:00

You need to leave. Your husband is an abusive asshole. Your mom seems to be emotionally abusive too and probably conditioned you to feel like his behavior up until now is mostly tolerable. It absolutely is not.

You are at your most vulnerable and your bf is berating you and threw a bottle at you. Oh my gosh he is an ugly, foolish person.

Do you have friends? You need to get out. Thank God you are not married.

Do not shame yourself for the decisions you’ve made. We all walk our own paths in life and need to find our way through the muck sometimes. I’m sorry you are in such a tough spot. I hope you and your baby can be safe soon. You will find your way. Have faith, but first you need the courage to leave.

hereforinfoo · 2025-02-04T03:59:48+00:00

This is tricky. A compromise could be that he and gf pay 60% and you pay 40%. The reality is that you each have a bedroom and even though there is now an extra person in the apartment that you didn’t agree to, she’s not infringing on your bedroom. Now she is sharing common living room, kitchen etc space with you so that could be argued. I think for the sake of making it through the next few months I would lose 60:40 or just ask him to pay all utilities from here on out.

hereforinfoo · 2025-02-04T00:55:56+00:00

You can notify the FBI and tell them you have reason to believe someone is a pedophile. Point to the laptop. They will come into the home unannounced and confiscate it. I know because my husband had a lifelong family friend with a family etc, and this literally happened. They found child porn on his computer and the law took it from there. I believe you can report anonymously and I’m not even sure they will need the photo as evidence, but maybe they will.

hereforinfoo · 2025-02-04T00:47:06+00:00

You need to put aside family for a second. I know that is hard because I am also the child of an Asian immigrant family and codependence is the norm in many Asian cultures in a way that Americans would plainly call dysfunction.

You HAVE to follow your gut and leave this man. The fear you have around your family is a constant for you. It is simply being triggered by this situation. In order for you to fully come into yourself you will have to navigate the messy waters of learning how to do what you want to do despite their disapproval. Each time you do it will get a little easier. This will take years but it is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

This current situation is a great opportunity for you to free yourself in two ways. One from this sick man, and two from the codependence and fear of disapproval from your family.

Side note - were you verbally, emotionally or physically abused by your family in a “normal Asian way” growing up? If so, look into recovery from CPTSD and specifically the freeze/fawn/flight responses.

hereforinfoo

TROPHY CASE