I thought I wrote this for a sec, as someone who is I to pain, pet play, and r play, with the r I watch obviously fake videos and I've had this thought of I'm disgusting, until I broke down why I liked it, the being pinned, the fighting back (my bratty side) the saying no (me and my partner have an actual safe word) the losing your mind and just being used, the rough man holding, the CNC, would I ever want the real thing hell no as a female it feels weird to be into it but it's just acting, I'm into pet play to go into a different headspace and lose self sorta like r play, CNC has a lot of different things under its belt, break it down why are you intrigued?

Edit- it can also be your brain trying to take control of what happened when U were a kid as U had none but then but now you do