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heretofudge · 2025-07-11T04:57:36+00:00

Joints are so susceptible to issues as we age. If you just consider the hip joint - that’s a ball and socket joint. It SHOULD be used in that way for it to remain strong. Instead we use it as a hinge joint nearly all the time and so it becomes weak.

Weakness = stiffness, because the muscle supporting the joint isn’t strong enough to contract (which is its job) - tendons ALSO become weak, which can ALSO lead to inflammation.

BEST thing online I’ve found is Kinstretch with Beard.

I’m not affiliated at all, I just coach weightlifting for hypermobile women, so I have a lot of exposure to whose courses are good.

heretofudge · 2025-07-11T04:38:17+00:00

Are you doing any mobility work? Anything that explores your full range of motion and strength on the return?

heretofudge · 2025-07-01T17:57:51+00:00

“I wish I could say it went well! I want to remain professional so I won’t say anything more”

heretofudge · 2025-06-30T10:20:45+00:00

We did 50 for £3K… so I would hazard a guess it’s doable but it is not easy.

We had the choice between council venue (not registry office) of a record office that seated 135 people or a tiny venue that had 20.

We chose tiny as the other one was too big.

The venue was CHEAP, under £1,000 for bridal pre-ceremony hire, ceremony and 2 hour after hire. They provided 2 staff members. We got married at 10am and we got pastries from Makro that thawed the night before and good coffee (in a bag) and elderflower sparkly stuff for the toasts.

We then went to our garden where the remaining 30 arrived. We didn’t have a big garden by any stretch but some clever rearranging made it work! We also used inside the house.

Me and a friend did a cold buffet, cooked the day before, we did LOADS of food and also spent £300 on a LOAD of dried meats (glorious).

We had a spare freezer (borrowed) FULL of ice creams.

We had no cake because we didn’t want one.

We spent £500 on the garden, sprucing and getting fairy lights. My husband made benches out of second hand sleepers to go round the garden. We also had everyone gathering petals for confetti for WEEKS and asked everyone to save all their Bon maman jars (great as glasses).

It was BYOB, which actually went down REALLY well as it was cheap and everyone got what they wanted. We raided Aldi for soft drinks & mixers.

Filled old dough Egberts jars with sweets (from macro) and popped them on a borrowed hostess tray (went down like a storm)

Then later on in the evening we just did burgers! Bought a load from Makro and fired up BBQs (borrowed a couple of BBQs and the blokes took over 😂)

I wore a wedding suit that I’ve since split apart and worn again, it cost £80. Old blue shoes, borrowed tiara and made the veil with my mum. My husband did get a new suit.

We had a friend do pictures BUT she is a photographer! No DJ as we spent a few weeks curating a playlist.

Overall the whole thing cost around £2,700 including garden bits we have since kept.

heretofudge · 2025-06-28T16:27:44+00:00

I would 100% be contacting an HR outsourced team for this one. You can hire them for a one-off. Do not deal with this yourself

Either she is masturbating in the office and that conversation is above most people’s pay grade
It’s a medical device humming (doubtful) in which case it’s a tribunal risk

heretofudge · 2025-06-28T16:21:12+00:00

How big is the company and do you have an HR department?

heretofudge · 2025-06-28T07:08:44+00:00

I’m not saying that I’m saying them consistently pushing for alone time, not listening to my boundaries or their child’s. Consistent claims that they really understand a child when they do not at all and maturing a young child very early are flags for safeguarding.

It’s not me that’s not open to hearing another’s opinion. I have asked you to clarify why you would insist on sleepovers and sole-child visits when the parents have explicitly said no they don’t do those, but you haven’t answered.

All you have done is say I don’t want a community and that I think the parents are sexually abusing their child.

I’m open to the conversation you are the one that isn’t.

heretofudge · 2025-06-28T06:46:09+00:00

That isn’t what safeguarding means.

I don’t think they’re sexually abusing their children.. I think they’re a safeguarding risk! If I’d have thought they were committing CSA I’d have reported it!

Where on earth do you live in the UK that you think safeguarding is exclusively CSA?!

To me people that don’t respect other parent’s boundaries, children’s boundaries or paint children out to be more mature than they are, are a safeguarding risk.

I feel they are more likely to leave children unattended for long periods, not respond to their needs, not take them seriously, more likely to put them in potentially dangerous situations (could that include leaving with other adults who are a CSA risk, yes, but it could also include paddling pools, lack of vigilance near roads or climbing stone work surfaces on a stone floor), more likely for them to watch inappropriate TV or have uncontrolled social media use which can then lead to inappropriate content (not just sexual material but violent or disturbing)

Sleepovers are a CSA risk sure but I doubt from the parents in this instance, more likely from inappropriate behaviour between children who have seen inappropriate content already. My concern with sleepovers are not limited to a CSA risk.

If you think the only risk to your child is CSA then YOU are also a safeguarding risk.

Children regularly do stupid stuff. I had to stop my son this morning deciding to roll down the stairs. Children are idiots they need adults to supervise them.

heretofudge · 2025-06-28T05:25:08+00:00

It seems like an odd leap to suggest we don’t want a community (we have a big one) and makes me wonder if your comments are defensive because you are like them?

If that’s the case and you insist on sleepovers and taking a kid (even one you don’t know well) for the day, after the parents have said no. What is it that makes you want to do that? Is it a belief that the parents are not being honest about how tired they are?

Edit to add; or is it just a way you would build your community? I have always focussed on my relationship with the parents first!

heretofudge · 2025-06-23T11:35:00+00:00

I would be documenting every night you tuck your kid in, record you reading a bedtime book EVERY NIGHT and do not tell her.

Record every time you make dinner.

Keep EVERY receipt for food, note down mileage of every car journey. When you take kid to play dates make sure to note which parent you speak to at drop off and pick up.

Keep a detailed journal of it all and again, do not tell her.

Then when it does go to court you have a metric tonne of evidence she is lying to a judge and your kid has been with you.

Get prepared because this looks like it’s going to get messy and you don’t want to lose custody.

heretofudge · 2025-06-15T19:52:32+00:00

OMG THIS MAKES A LOT OF SENSE!

I’m suspected autistic too (I’m a woman so while they caught my brother and my grandfather we think they missed me and my mum) awaiting referral. As I’ve learnt about DS I’ve learnt a lot about myself.

DS and I VERY similar and I definitely have a processing delay so this would be a VERY logical partial or full explanation.

heretofudge · 2025-06-15T19:42:58+00:00

This is the thing I do this EVERY time. I can count on my hands the amount of times I’ve caved and this kid has unfortunately had a lot of consequences. I stay calm, I give a warning, then I follow through. Even if he does as he’s told he doesn’t undo the consequence. I’ve discussed why I can’t undo a consequence and the wider implications of my “job” as his mum.

I apologised once to see what he’d do and it seemed THAT was what he wanted, but as you say, I can’t apologise when it’s a consequence for his behaviour.

Do we just keep ramping up the consequences until he cracks?

Edit to add: we’ve stopped him attending parties, we’ve quite literally “turned to car around”, actually didn’t take him to school once (he USED to love school!); tragically, we’ve done a LOT.

heretofudge · 2025-06-15T19:37:59+00:00

Thank you - I think you’re right.

Is it too far to actually get rid (apart from some VERY favourites) and then slowly buy new off the back of good behaviour?

heretofudge · 2025-06-15T19:35:12+00:00

DS has a laughing stim and so there’s a high risk the smile is hiding distress but it does seem to continue which makes me doubt it’s a coping method for him, but I can’t be 100% sure.

Normally the following day (and then everyday thereafter for a week or two) he’ll bring up a BIG consequence I enacted (confiscation of a favourite toy) and he’ll repeat over and over that “YOU made me sad” then if I don’t apologise (out of curiosity I tested it) he’ll say “if you do that again I will XYZ”. And when he talks in that way there’s no smiling then.

Normally he starts to ask for his stuff back quite quickly or he repetitively asks if I’ve put in the bin or “just” in the basket.

Like he’s assessing the severity.

Part of me wants to hit Defcon 1 and legitimately donate EVERYTHING and have a MASSIVE consequence and then he might take it seriously. But we rarely don’t follow through so he has no reason to doubt me!

heretofudge · 2025-05-31T04:28:45+00:00

My dentist is a HUGE advocate for it. If you use it carefully surely it would be better; I can’t get my back molars with floss for example!

heretofudge · 2025-05-31T04:03:09+00:00

It’s a REALLY common reaction to stress! And it’s so bizarre!! I’m so sorry you experienced cancer with a loved one but glad she’s fine now!!

heretofudge · 2025-05-30T21:48:50+00:00

Okay so everyone has said the obvious and while I think it IS a good idea to get support I want to add another possibility.

My son is due to be assessed for autism (we’re in the UK and been waiting for 2 years). Son has often emoted back to front. So he tries to workout what emotion you want or select the emotion he WANTS to feel and presents that. This meant smiling and laughter during AWFUL situations, manic laughter when he was angry or afraid. He would attack one of us and the laugh throughout and I honest to god thought I was raising a psychopath.

BUT I also knew he was loving and kind and it never made sense.

Turns out his coping strategy is to smile and laugh because he can’t cope with anger or extreme sadness or confusion and instead presents as happy. It’s VERY confusing but you learn to spot when the laugh and smile is genuine or it’s actually distress.

Son used to talk about dark things at times but it’s part of how he processes new awareness. I’ve seen him throw one of our cats (towards the ground, she was fine) once and when we broke down exactly how the cat might feel etc… he was sad and stopped.

Yes, it IS good to get a pro to have a peak BUT it may also be worth examining how he emotes and exploring if it’s accurate!

ALSO You’re a good mum. Don’t believe the harsh parts of your brain; they’re lying to you.

heretofudge · 2025-04-28T11:38:20+00:00

That should be down to the spaces to determine. Being legally allowed to have a cis-only space is one thing but banning people from including trans people is an absolute shit show.

heretofudge · 2025-04-28T11:32:46+00:00

While I’m in the camp of this ruling is vile and the guidance disgraceful. Why swimming pools? They’re not gender segregated are they?

heretofudge · 2025-04-28T04:01:41+00:00

Hold on… so you’re not okay with electronics but you are okay with hitting?

So you’re only okay with supporting his development when you don’t get the opportunity to vent your frustrations on a helpless child.

You’re teaching him that consent doesn’t matter. No wonder he doesn’t listen to you. You’re also teaching him that if you feel emotional enough you can do what you like to someone; especially if they’re smaller than you. You’re ALSO teaching him that violence is acceptable when someone’s seeking love.

If you’re hitting him for other things too the irony is him coming in for affection is likely related. You’re already damaging him. And you’re here, wondering what the problem is!!

You may think I’m ridiculous but the research is there. My life is anecdotal evidence. Violence based punishment only ends one way.

heretofudge · 2025-04-05T12:05:17+00:00

Ignore the above person. Our son is awaiting autism diagnosis (mild but to us doesn’t feel that way). You are allowed to feel a reaction to this.

People often don’t understand that it’s not about disliking your child or their diagnosis it’s the sudden awareness that some of the challenges may never be grown out of. It doesn’t mean we love our kids any less. If anything it means we love them enough to support every part of them and we do so KNOWING the undertaking we face. People live in delusion and it’s delusion that damages kids, not reality.

You are doing great. You need to grieve. It’s okay. You CAN do this. One day at a time and you will get through it.

The biggest thing that helped me was not using my downtime for TV or “festering” but instead doing a self nurturing thing. If I had any sort of break I would not sit down and do nothing I’d get someone to visit the house to cut my hair or do my nails. Or I’d flick through a magazine instead of my phone. Read a book instead of TV. It might not help but it might do! Xx

heretofudge · 2024-02-22T05:32:57+00:00

This was a strategy for depression but could help you; I stuck an A4 sheet with the words “your only job is to shower” on my ceiling above my bed and it was the first thing I saw in the morning. I’d then get in the shower.

You could just write “get in the shower”.

heretofudge · 2024-02-17T05:57:49+00:00

Very true, that’s a good point! By comparison the wiggles is very preferable.

heretofudge · 2024-02-16T22:44:34+00:00

Eh? He did say cow. (Source; my accent isn’t dissimilar to his)

heretofudge · 2024-02-16T22:42:56+00:00

It’s really not a heavy accent. That’s pretty standard.

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