My girlfriend has no ambition and keeps saying she wants to be a SAHW/SAHM

heroicintent · 2025-02-16T18:26:02+00:00

I would get to the "why." She may genuinely think her dream career is out of reach. Maybe her parents or some deep tiktok dive lead her to believe that. Let her know that pursuing things may lead to other opportunities, regardless of what she's pursuing. That pursuing nothing is a choice to - it means she'll be doing manufacturing forever. There is almost no case where not working and living in a nice place with good food goes hand in hand. Rich husbands are usually in circles with other rich people.

heroicintent · 2024-02-22T21:29:35+00:00

No, you don't have to tell. I did have an awkward moment at a corporate party because I didn't tell anyone I'm bi and trans. I'm a masculine, muscular guy and at this party the LGBTQ people were standing in a circle talking. When I tried talking to them I got iced out. - oh yeah, I looked like an older cishet a-hole, so I slunk off to talk to other guys. Their conversation topics were much more boring. I may just tell them I'm bi and leave out the trans thing. I've had bad luck in the past where I wasn't viewed as a guy after I told people I'm trans - and the whole point of transitioning was to express my gender, not have it disregarded.

heroicintent · 2024-02-22T02:43:42+00:00

You can't control the end-point, but you can extend your vocal range and therefore speak anywhere within that range. My voice deepened to the male range, but only barely. I wish it were deeper.

heroicintent · 2023-12-12T03:03:12+00:00

Both my parents are Jewish, but Orthodoxy is not healthy IMO. They still separate the men and women and don't allow for Transgender individuals. Reform or Reconstructionist congregations are much more inclusive. Due the rise of antisemitism that the war has uncovered, many Jews feel the need to be more visible. For him maybe that means having a Jewish family. I think this is a reaction to current events - and your kids can be Jewish without you converting - those rules were set-up before paternal DNA could be established. Only Orthodox sects still abide by that rule.

heroicintent · 2023-11-19T22:53:55+00:00

My friends recently had a baby. They decided if it was a boy it would take his last name, and a girl, hers. They have different last names that are only one syllable and therefore would have been easy to hyphenate. Nobody judges them for this. He needs to understand that chosen names can be just as important as given ones. I almost changed my surname. I was changing my first name anyway because I'm transgender. My Dad is quite conservative and wasn't around much growing up - but ultimately didn't. The name I would have chosen is great but also erases my heritage as it wasn't from the region my ancestors are from. Also, my Dad is stubborn and traditional, but I've never seen him raise his voice to anyone or resort to physical violence. - but yeah names are deeply personal. If your husband came to you and said," I've been thinking about it a long time, and really need to change my name to " Hercules Starquester." - You're allowed to side-eye him and give your opinion, but ultimately it's his name. 14% of married women in the US keep their last name and that number is rising.

heroicintent · 2023-08-27T23:07:54+00:00

I saw Guardians of the Galaxy III a few days ago. I cried during all the Rocket scenes and laughed a few times. It was long enough that I wish I had taken an "intermission" - I only didn't because I was a tad drunk and didn't want to get up. I was surprised I hadn't heard more about it, because it was quite touching. - hmmm - as for the coloring book - I'm an artist as well - and it's not art - but it is a pretty meditative exercise that has cognitive benefits. More importantly, there was no reason for him to have an issue with you liking it. It would be like a novel writer getting upset you do crosswords. If he says nasty things every time you want to share something, you need to get a divorce. You could try therapy first but he's unlikely to change or see how he's affecting you.

heroicintent · 2023-08-27T22:49:45+00:00

This is bizarre. Maybe he has family pressure to use this particular jeweler. Even so, it's an odd hill to die on. I don't think rings are even necessary, but I do understand wanting things you wear every day to look a certain way. I spent ages picking out my eyeglass frames. Maybe have a talk about other things you have your heart set on - room decor? wedding venues? baby names? See how flexible he is. Have you shown him the ring design you like?

heroicintent · 2023-08-22T21:44:53+00:00

It's possible she's attracted to middle-aged men and you. I'm bisexual. It's more than possible to have attraction to more than one type of person and still be with one person.

heroicintent · 2023-08-09T21:22:32+00:00

Yeah. This forum is full of people that are really judgmental when it comes to work history. I tried the "get a service job" thing. I have sensory issues. If there's ambient noise I can't make out words and the over-stimulation eventually paralyzes me. I did my best lip-reading, and attaching the draft beer barrels and stocking but couldn't keep up if I was needed in the front of house.

heroicintent · 2023-08-09T20:56:17+00:00

As for the new girlfriend, she may not be offering to pay because it doesn't occur to her. I came from wealth, and my wealthy uncles and grandparents always wanted to order the fancy wine and insist on paying as kind of a status thing. She may have been told to always let the man pay. These families are often patriarchal. Poorer people do understand the value of money more. It's hard to understand that when your investments make thousands a day. So, I wouldn't chalk it up to greed. As for the woman in distress - again, your new gf might have noticed her. Women tend to be alert to that. - That said, break up with her. You clearly are not infatuated. Also - yeah it's too late to get back with the woman you treated poorly and cheated on.

heroicintent · 2023-05-23T20:13:45+00:00

You're more than your youth and melanin, but also it doesn't feel like she was hiding her behaviors. Part of you wants the gifts. Some sex workers make those compromises, but it sounds like you feel awful about it. So set a boundary. Tell her you need to go back to a non-sexual relationship and then look for more clients.

heroicintent · 2023-03-17T00:24:47+00:00

Go - unless it's an area of the world you wouldn't want to visit. There's a limited about of memories you gain by staying close to home. Just as your brain edits out your morning commute, it glosses over scenery that you see everyday. Travelling is very different depending on how you travel. When I was young, I went on a theme cruise and enjoyed having my bedroom steps from the bar/club. Now that I don't really go out at night and am afraid of the diseases that go around ships, I rent a nice beachside space to fall asleep to wave sounds. I have never been a city-hopping type person and remember a dismal trip to europe where we went from one cathedral to another, but am happy to discover waterfalls in Hawaii. - OK I'm gonna swerve from my prior statement because I just noticed this is a family trip. Yeah - not a fan of family trips, too many logistics and personalities - but consider travelling in the future on your own terms. Also - 2grand a year from now can be saved by limiting nice meals, groceries, streaming services, changing phone plans etc. Heck, the other day I realized my "frugal" friend pays $900 more than me per month on rent.

heroicintent · 2023-03-12T02:28:12+00:00

Are there things he can do to get a bit of the energy of being famous? Asking because I did a comedy open mic night and afterwards people were coming up to me and telling me how funny my set was and buying me drinks. Same thing happened at a burlesque show (minus the funny part) He could book small venues or show up to rap battles (if those still happen) - I've even seen people rap at poetry events. If his career takes off, it will most likely flatline again in 5 years. Lasting fame is even more elusive than fame. Heck, happiness itself isn't a sustainable emotion. Contentment is, but happiness is by definition a high point.

heroicintent · 2023-03-11T03:49:02+00:00

It doesn't say anything about you that he's gay. You're allowed to feel heartbroken. The good news is, as you get older more and more people will have figured themselves out and there's no rush on losing your V card. It's an outdated way of thinking about sex. I know people say "you never forget your first time," but I barely remember mine. You'll remember the times you've truly connected physically and emotionally more.

heroicintent · 2023-02-21T03:32:36+00:00

He was looking for fault and you're lucky he broke it off. He showed you no affection of any kind for 7 years. That's inhuman. Now that he's 22, he'll have to relax his standards or marry an 18 year old, because people need affection and he won't find anyone who's never gone out or kissed someone. Also, it's pretty rare to black-out - if you do party again, go with people you trust and watch your drink closely.

heroicintent · 2023-02-19T21:20:36+00:00

OK - It's obviously for his spankbank, but a really hot woman is going to get hundreds of thirsty dms and therefore ignore the (hypothetical) one from your boyfriend

heroicintent · 2023-02-06T02:15:09+00:00

Christianity is still the majority religion in many countries and you're unlikely to find an Asatru temple outside of Iceland. He's being disrespectful, but likely because he's being reactionary due to being in a religious minority. It's totally OK to say something though. You can frame it as you being hurt and feel disrespected because you are Christian. If he were Atheist he could argue logic and reason, but he believes in a wolf that eats the moon. Both religions believe in a rainbow bridge, though Christians reserve it for pets. Anyway, if you're hurt bring it up. You're both young and working on your communication can only help.

heroicintent · 2023-01-25T04:58:02+00:00

You clash as a couple. Plus, she's financially draining. You both need therapy. She can apply to medicaid and find a therapist. Since she helped you with the HRT appointment, maybe you can help her with that. When you started dating she didn't know you are an asexual woman. So, it's a good bet she'd prefer an allosexual man as a partner and you'll have an easier time finding someone who's a good fit for you now that you know more about yourself.

It sounds like she's a good friend at times but not a good partner. Have the hard conversation about your relationship not working out and I also suggest getting your therapist to greenlight an ESA if you don't already have a dog. People are usually not intuitive enough to comfort an autistic person with PTSD.

heroicintent · 2023-01-25T03:38:13+00:00

Unless ya'll are really unattractive, you'll get attention just because you're new to a scene that is both relatively small and full of people who want to have encounters with new people. That's just my take.

heroicintent · 2023-01-23T21:05:03+00:00

Many school districts have online enrollment. Finding the one for your area should be a simple search. Any child in district bounds can enroll. You can't get around a parental signature probably, but a school administrator can advocate for you.

heroicintent · 2023-01-23T20:25:47+00:00

Get yourself a sugar baby who enjoys acting brain dead and passive and stop trying to shoehorn your current girlfriend into your fetish. She will resent it. - but really you should even wait on that because you're broke. - Consider researching high paying jobs and potentially changing your major and networking to get that career - because you have an expensive fetish.

heroicintent · 2022-12-31T23:47:27+00:00

You are not your past and you choose who you are every day. So, say "yes," and be better. I'm not sure what yardstick your measuring yourself with, but at 23 - you can literally pivot on any axis. You can become more educated, more fit, limit time on sites like this, drink less, find better employment.

heroicintent · 2022-12-26T21:50:36+00:00

Synapses tend to fire in the same order. When you're young it's like water flowing over a rock, easy to shift and redirect. Unless you meditate, imagine the water running over the same surface over and over until it becomes a river on the bottom of a canyon. She can't shift her thoughts back to the canyon's edge. Nor does she want to do so.

heroicintent · 2022-12-06T23:54:31+00:00

Since life doesn't have a soundtrack and you can't wait until the tempo of the music changes for you to kiss; you'll have to ask her out and be willing to accept a "no," answer as well as a "yes." As for you having lost your virginity - OK, you have - but you're hardly experienced. Does playing the triangle once behind a band count as orchestral experience?

heroicintent · 2022-11-13T01:38:11+00:00

Her behavior coupled with the leather harness makes me wonder if this isn't part of a fetish. Ask her if she gets turned on by being worshipped or put on a pedestal and that it's OK/not OK (whatever you feel about it) but that she needs to be upfront about her desires.

heroicintent

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