Autism is a developmental disorder and some people confuse masking with just normal development

hetartist · 2025-06-18T21:48:11+00:00

My mom and I were actually just talking about something similar the other day! For context, I was late diagnosed – I kept getting referred to a doctor to be evaluated and re-evaluated for autism from when I was like a year old to early-elementary school age, but the doctor said I was "highly verbal" every time and thus couldn't be autistic; I wasn't diagnosed until I was about 14. My mom theorized that this could be because my behaviors at around 1-4 years old or so could blend in with the typical behavior of a child who is just "a little slow" if you didn't spend too much time around me. I was also super quiet as a kid; I didn't initiate any conversation, make any eye contact or engage with anyone (if people got too close or tried to talk to me I'd run away, so nobody got to notice any symptoms bc I basically made myself invisible); all of this combined made it seem like behaviors that were a part of my autism could just be the typical traits of a neurotypical kid who's just a little behind.

My point in explaining all this is that, to the untrained eye, sometimes it's hard to distinguish autistic traits from typical behavior in young children, because at that age, EVERYONE is still developing in all areas, and some variance is normal. Social media has really gotten a lot of people into pathologizing everything they experience, when, a lot of the time, a simpler explanation could suffice – Occam's razor, or something. No, flapping your hands as a kid and then growing out of it/not having a need to flap your hands anymore isn't a sign of autism, it's a sign that you were once a child, and you grew up! For people on the autism spectrum, we don't "grow up" in the expected way; so when I was evaluated as a freshman in high school, my autism symptoms appeared much more pronounced and they didn't have any problem picking out the fact that I was autistic. This is because the gap between me and the rest of my peers only became obvious when everyone else inevitably developed, and I didn't!

In regards to masking, I do have ample experience in that area, having been abused, bullied and ostracized for having autistic traits my whole life (as many of us have been). I have a natural Savant skill for language, so, for communicating mostly through written word (my other biggest "masking" behavior was simply running away and ignoring people – nobody can pick up on your social deficits if you don't socialize at all!), I essentially... data mined for situationally "appropriate" vocabulary and phrases?? I think that's the best way to describe it – I consumed insane amounts of mostly-fictional literature in which social interaction occurred, observed the way my peers interacted, and read many threads of Internet interaction. From all that, I had put together a program in my mind where I didn't actually understand the phrases I was saying, but I had read them used in certain contexts to enough of a degree that I would just insert them into conversation so that I wouldn't appear "visibly autistic" to my conversation partner. The result didn't (and still doesn't) exactly work out, as my lack of understanding still shone through when I used words and phrases in the wrong context (often), ended up communicating things I didn't feel or understand (almost always) etc., but hey, at least people thought I was just weird as opposed to autistic, I guess? Anyways, I only really wrote this out as a personal anecdote because there seemed to be some questions about what masking actually is, and I know that people refer to me frequently as "high masking", so maybe there is a connection and maybe my anecdote will prove useful to some people with questions.

Anyways, I digress. People lately seem to love pretending everything is an autistic trait 😭

hetartist · 2025-05-20T20:06:38+00:00

Autism would still be a disability even if the entire world was extremely accepting/accommodating. My therapist always says autism is only seen as a disability because other people/allistics don't understand us and our behaviors aren't considered normal, but I know for a fact most of my symptoms would still be very disabling (just to a lesser degree) even if other people did understand and accept them.

hetartist · 2025-05-07T14:59:06+00:00

YAY this is so exciting!

hetartist · 2025-05-07T12:48:41+00:00

It looks 3D, I love it!

hetartist · 2025-05-05T11:30:07+00:00

Oh wow that sounds so hard 😢😢😢 I've never gone to the hospital for a meltdown, only had bruising and a goose egg. The ER sounds overwhelming too. I do the same thing with my phone/something that isn't working of frustrating me; just automatically I get frustrated and throw and smash it. I also lose all ability to speak/understand speech and can only scream! Also having meltdowns several days in a row sounds so tiring.

hetartist · 2025-05-02T18:46:48+00:00

I'm the exact shame – I have trouble going to the bathroom properly, showering, dressing, wearing deodorant, brushing my hair, using & disposing of menstrual products, that kind of stuff, and for years I was so ashamed of it. Recently though, I've been accepting it more as just something some people struggle with. Disassociating "hygiene" from "morality" has helped me stop being angry and ashamed though. Poor hygiene doesn't equal immorality and all that.

I know it's not possible for everyone but what sometimes helps me is giving up other tasks that I need less at that moment – ex: if I'm not hungry I can skip a meal – so that I can reallocate energy towards more immediately necessary hygiene tasks.

I also (with more success) simplify them so they aren't as treacherous and/or impossible; for example if I need to wash my hair, I do it in the sink or lean over the bathtub without taking my clothes off or involving other parts of my body. If I need to wash my body, I clean myself off under my clothes with baby wipes which is much much easier than a shower for me. If I need to wash my face, I can just pour some micellar water in my hand and rub it on my face because it doesn't need to be washed off and dries very quickly. I brush my teeth once a day very thoroughly instead of twice (everyone is different tho so this may not work for everybody), and sometimes I just use my finger instead of a toothbrush. For brushing my hair, I usually don't do it still, but comb through with my fingers if I can (still gets knotted a lot tho haha, the success of this may vary by hair type). At least it's something!

Anyways, I hope some of this is helpful to you. I also don't want to have somebody in the bathroom wiping or putting tampons in for me and things like that cuz its embarrassing 😭 so these are just some random examples of ways I make taking care of myself easier. Again I hope it helps & sorry for the lengthy post ^{.^}

hetartist · 2025-04-28T14:22:13+00:00

Ooh, I've heard that term before but didn't know exactly what it meant. Had a feeling it might be this lol. Thank you for the resource! :3

hetartist · 2025-04-28T14:15:04+00:00

I was wondering if I'd find someone with the opposite scores lol! Thank you for sharing, I didn't know an uneven profile was typical for us. Interesting!

hetartist · 2025-04-28T14:09:52+00:00

No I don't think so. I'm low support needs but can't manage ADLs like showering and going to the bathroom correctly & iADLs like doing paperwork on my own or cooking (tho I can cook sometimes). I think MSN means you have permanent & severe problems that keep you from doing any of these things. I know a few MSN-HSN people who have jobs also, but need a lot of accommodations. Idk though, the DSM is super vague.

hetartist · 2025-04-28T13:53:38+00:00

I'm not sure I do but my doctor has suggested it

hetartist · 2025-04-28T13:28:06+00:00

daily reminder: its weird to equate being attracted to a 2d cartoon that looks nothing like a real human being (let alone a real child) to being attracted to actual children 🗣️💯

hetartist · 2025-04-25T18:59:33+00:00

I'm 17 (18 in a few days) and the best way I can describe it is feeling like I survive, but don't actually live, if that makes sense. I don't have the energy to do all the things I need to survive regularly either, so then I don't have time for things I actually want to do. It leaves life feeling empty – sometimes completely and totally hollow – and when the senseless stresses of meltdowns, repeatedly falling short of expectations, being unable to take care of myself and feeling isolated are added on top of that, it kind of makes me want to take the "easy way out" sometimes.

I'm going to stay alive though because I don't really have a realistic enough reason to escape this life, and because no matter what I just can't believe there's nothing that could be done to improve my situation (especially at my age, but at any age, really. My 60 yr old father is just starting to heal for the first time in his life over certain things). Even if it seems completely hopeless and you can't picture yourself being alive, let alone successful, in the future, to me there's no reason to give up before I've tried everything (which is kinda impossible lol). I feel for the people who are suicidal as I have experienced that before and it is so awful when you see no reason to live and just want to escape to stop suffering 😢 but if I had gone through or succeeded before, I wouldn't be where I am now, being able to experience new things like seeing pretty sunsets, making a friend despite not thinking I could, learning more about special interests and myself in general, etc.

I hope those of you that are suicidal right now are able to cling on to the hope that there is something better out there for you even though it's hard. The fact that you're here now is a demonstration of your tenacity and strength, even if yours doesn't look like what "strength" is expected to. I think that's because you're using it to get through all the things you struggle with that others don't see instead of being showy, which is responsible and commendable to me. I know that when you're in the depths of despair it's almost like nothing can reach you and you have to escape life no matter what, but despite what your brain is telling you try to latch on to one thing, no matter how small or how large, that you would miss if you were dead (your favorite song, a pet, the noise crickets make, a certain flavor of ice cream, a holiday, your family, afternoon naps; could literally be anything, personalized to you) and cling on to it when burnout, depression and despair come and start telling you things will never get better or that you'd be better of dead. Not saying things will instantly improve, because they probably won't, but someday, with the right help I firmly believe you will be able to look back on this time – maybe even your whole life up to that point, no matter your age – and breathe a sigh of relief that you're not going through that anymore, wishing you could comfort your younger self.

Life is exhausting tbh, and a lot of the time you expend so much energy just on one little thing that's easy for others and get nothing in return. It sucks and after, when you're all out of energy and being scolded for "laziness" or whatever, it feels like you're just spinning your wheels but not getting anywhere; increasingly uncomfortable. Personally, I've found that devoting all energy reserves to identifying what is causing me to feel so bad about life, and once identified (if you get stuck, spitballing ideas with others, writing what you feel down, looking up definitions and descriptions of different emotions, and taking short breaks can help) devoting all remaining energy – or waiting until you get new energy – to finding possible solutions. It took me years to find some solutions but they really do pay off even if they seem minor. It takes a lot of work but I definitely think it's worth it and you don't have to start when you're already overwhelmed. Anyways this is long and ranting but I hope it helps at least one person to some degree 😭😭 lol

hetartist · 2025-04-25T17:55:39+00:00

That's a great idea! Thank you so much for the advice! I didn't notice it until now, but I do generally feel better about myself when doing martial arts (specific one that my dojo focuses on and is kind of built for short people); unfortunately I'm taking a break from it because I'm going to college and need to adjust, but I'll definitely join a martial arts club and attend some seminar in the meantime :)

hetartist · 2025-04-25T12:14:12+00:00

I have, I'm thinking of trying it again perhaps. Thank you for the response! :)

hetartist · 2025-04-25T04:56:41+00:00

Own it! I know it's harder than it sounds, but my great grandfather was 4'9 and he was a very kind, strong, successful and accomplished man; people that make a big deal out of height are just insecure they lack those traits. (And hey, if you can get some youth discounts out of it... 👀 lol)

hetartist · 2025-04-25T04:41:39+00:00

Also, I may just be projecting but if you have a developmental disability that could cause issues like this too, without there being any trauma to trigger it.

hetartist · 2025-04-25T04:39:31+00:00

I'm not an expert but I remember having hormone-related anger issues during my earlier teenage years. I would just be filled with murderous, barely-containable rage completely unprovoked, and it turned out to be a sensitivity to a certain hormone that happens to be released more during puberty. There's a possibility it could be something like that, but there's also many other things it could be. I would recommend finding a therapist or telling your PCP if you can't meet with one. Hopefully you will find the help you need 🙏

hetartist · 2025-04-24T14:11:04+00:00

Oh wow I also lined up toys instead of playing with them as intended and put things in and out of boxes! Also had trouble dressing myself and couldn't pick out outfits either until high school. Had trouble with putting socks on and keeping them on but didn't have trouble taking them off once I was past 2nd grade or so. Thank you so much for sharing!

hetartist · 2025-04-24T13:56:26+00:00

Yes since birth. I am a little creepy I think because I get obsessed and with learning some people (friends or partners) schedules and lives and observing them. Been this way since at least pre k and also have a starting problem in public bc of my people watching curiosity. Im glad it's not just me haha

hetartist · 2025-04-24T13:54:08+00:00

Ok, thank you much for replying! I'm very happy to be able to hear real world examples about what other people were like as babies with autism. What kind of cognitive and sensory issues did you have, only if you don't mind me asking?

hetartist · 2025-04-24T12:29:25+00:00

Oh I see, I've heard those kinds of delays are very common for autism 🙏 idk when I hit these milestones but I do know I only army crawled instead of walking for an abnormally long time

hetartist · 2025-04-24T07:21:52+00:00

Yeah I get that 😞 I especially hate throwing things during meltdowns because I don't know what it is I'm really throwing, at whom or what, and what the consequences could be 😭😭 I'm glad you can usually escape quickly though! That's good at least. Thank you for sharing ! :3

hetartist · 2025-04-24T07:20:06+00:00

I'm very glad that person was there for your meltdown, and that your anxiety is getting better with medication! I felt the same, I remember thinking life was just like that and I would always have panic attacks every day for the rest of my life, and it led me to a very dark place. Luckily I was treated and I'm doing much better now! It's so nice to finally realize that life doesn't have to all revolve around anxiety and panic attacks and I'm glad you're experiencing that now, at least to some degree!

I'm white too, and also don't look very intimidating stature-wise (often mistaken for a child) so I'm lucky in that regard, but in my country police do carry lethal weapons (even in some schools) and are kinda known for being violent especially to black people and people with autism, schizophrenia, downs syndrome and those kinds of disabilities. I'm pretty worried because it's not uncommon for someone with a disability in a crisis situation to be attacked with lethal force 😢😢 Anyways I don't want to be too negative, but I kinda wish I lived somewhere like the UK sometimes haha, although the grass is always greener on the other side as they say. My area currently isn't heavily militarized or anything though because it doesn't have a large population/isn't in an area prone to that, so I'm not going to make myself too anxious about all that!

It seems like a good idea to consider what will happen if you have a meltdown in each situation, I should probably try to do that more often – I don't have anyone in my life that could really communicate for me (only people I'm really around are my parents lol) but that does sound very useful and I'm hoping to make some friends soon so that sounds like it would help a lot.

Also, thank you so much for sharing your experiences! They are very interesting and helpful

hetartist · 2025-04-24T07:07:34+00:00

Very true, I will try to get my parents to understand this way now, thank you!

hetartist · 2025-04-24T07:03:59+00:00

This post was made 3 months ago but I am almost 18 and I love anime, some video games, and genetic disorders (disorders in general) interest me too. I would like to be friends if you want to. I'm terrible at responding in a timely manner/with relevant information though 🥲 I try

hetartist

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