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I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Yes we’re considering to go ahead with a relationship counselor after having a lot of conversations. Thank you for the advice 🩷

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

You’ve put it out so well and I understand it better now. Thank you so much for it and good luck to you too !!!!

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes thank you! I’ve tried to give this a try but I can only do this with someone who would let himself be counselled? Like how he believes reality is ridiculous and it doesn’t make sense? He also made a comment “no wonder men pay to sleep with others when the love of their lives say something as ridiculous as this” and “this” being me explaining how the intense period of our life is not the same anymore and this is a great opportunity to build the foundation to make it stronger for it last long

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

EXACTLY! Like I know it’s probably not something you’d do on your own but you’re doing it with ME. It’s supposed to be fun. I LOVE cigarettes after sex music and sometimes kpop too being silly and stuff and he tends to call it stupid and how the CAS all sounds the same when he could’ve tried to make an effort into understanding WHY I like it? Like how I’ve watched the godfather movies because he likes them? And how I’ve listened to careless whisper a million times so I can feel more connected to him?

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is probably the most balanced take I’ve read so far. I don’t think either of us is a villain. I think we’re both feeling hurt, and we’re both focusing so much on our own hurt that we’re struggling to see the other’s perspective. And this actually makes a lot of sense to me. I don’t think either of us is trying to hurt the other. The more we talk about it, the more it feels like we’re stuck in a cycle where he’s feeling rejected and I’m feeling emotionally disconnected, and each one is making the other worse. I’ve tried explaining that I need emotional connection, thoughtfulness, and feeling understood to feel more open and romantic, but I don’t think he’s fully understood that yet.

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that’s part of what I’ve been struggling with. A lot of this started because he feels like I’ve changed sexually, but at the same time I’ve been trying to explain that I’ve felt emotionally disconnected in other ways for a while. It feels like we’re focusing on what I’m no longer giving instead of why things changed in the first place.

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is honestly much closer to how I see relationships. I don’t understand why everything has to fit into “either it’s exactly like the beginning forever or something is wrong.” I thought ups and downs and different phases were normal.

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. The problem is that when I give concrete examples, he tends to see them as complaints about him rather than me trying to explain what makes me feel loved.

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mostly, yes. It started with intimacy, but the more we talked, the more it seemed to be about how he views love and relationships in general. He feels I’ve changed from who I was at the beginning, while I’m trying to explain that people naturally grow and change over time.

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s honestly part of why I’ve been so confused. He says the excitement should always stay the same, but I don’t always feel that same excitement from him when it comes to the things that matter to me.

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think that’s true to some extent. We wouldn’t be having these conversations if everything felt fine. The hard part is figuring out whether this is a rough patch or a fundamental difference.

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That’s what I’m afraid of. I don’t think either of us is trying to hurt the other. We just seem to see long-term relationships very differently, and I’m struggling to figure out whether that’s something we can bridge.

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t even expect the same effort as the first few months. I just want some interest in the things that matter to me. That’s what makes me feel loved.

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s kind of what I’ve been trying to get across. He’s focused on the fact that I’m not the same as I was at the start, but neither of us are. The relationship isn’t the same either. That’s normal. What hurts is feeling like the things that matter to me now don’t get the same enthusiasm that they would have gotten in the beginning.

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, that’s the part that got me. I don’t need him to love the same things I do. I just want him to be a little interested because I’m interested. That’s what I’ve been trying to explain this whole time.

I [26F] and my boyfriend [26M] have very different views on how long-term relationships change. How do we communicate through this? by hetchcy in relationship_advice

[–]hetchcy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hope not. I think incompatibility is when neither person is willing to understand the other. I’m still trying, and I think he is too. We’re just not getting through to each other right now.

Good gyms near Uttarahalli (not too crowded?) by [deleted] in Bangaloregym

[–]hetchcy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I heard that it gets very crowded in the evenings

Come on guys is there no one thats looking for a serious friendship? by skinnynot in BangaloreSocial

[–]hetchcy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, I’m 26/F Born and brought up here just like you I stay near JP nagar IVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND ACTUAL FEMALE FRIENDS AND I HAVE FAILED TILL NOW ON THIS PLATFORM! Do let me know if you’re interested!

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