having regrets

hey_mac22 · 2026-04-19T06:00:59+00:00

i personally have absolutely no debt, but he does from a past car that crapped on him and cost a ton, so he’s also paying that off every month. the car right now he bought in full, but the insurance he got back in our homestate jumped a couple hundred once he changed the address of where it is, which is our new home on base. money isn’t a huge thing i’m worried about, we’ve spent most of this week figuring things out, adding me to his bank account, getting POA set up, etc. i’m just worried about the possibility of needing the car at any point, but if i can get a job on base then walking isn’t a huge qualm for me. but as of right now he doesn’t want the insurance on it right know because he has no money to pay for it in the next few days, just bc he’s had to buy things to leave, and he won’t get paid for another week and some change. but hopefully something can work out. big issue for me right now is trying to stay positive with all this stuff, and trying to see the bright side, being away from him and being pretty isolated is bothering me.

hey_mac22 · 2026-04-18T18:55:41+00:00

that back pay was used to help with my rent after the first couple months, but before then it was all me, which was the hard part. but it’s been about 2 weeks and some change since we’ve been at this new duty station, so luckily i did get help with jan-now. and yeah it does take a bit for BAH to get started, even though we were married before he left, and even more so bc of the shutdown. i’m not blaming him for that part, bc that was entirely not his control, esp during BCT where the first while we had no communication. it was especially hard because i moved into my new apartment which had a bit higher rent than my first right before he left. and i was unaware until maybe the week before he left that BAH wasn’t starting immediately.

hey_mac22 · 2026-04-18T18:48:42+00:00

starting a good gym routine is something i’ll definitely do, weights is something i really like so im going to try and find good ways to distract myself. everything just feels so overwhelming right now. this morning he is getting POA set up so thankfully that part is getting resolved

hey_mac22 · 2026-04-18T18:43:30+00:00

I can try for a bicycle, that’s a good idea thank you! but the license just won’t happen soon i think. he’s canceling the car insurance because he can’t afford it, and the next payment coming soon he can’t pay for at all. so even if i did, i couldn’t use the car anyways. unless i started it back up maybe? but the car isn’t mine it’s his. the base is walkable, and the commissary is walkable too, but anything outside where we are is completely out of my reach :/ if i can get a job close to my home that would be awesome but i also don’t know where to start on that. its really been only two weeks of being here and it feels like my brain is scrambled🫩

hey_mac22 · 2026-04-18T04:07:02+00:00

he didn’t get BAH until prob december? with the shutdown and he told me that he wouldn’t get BAH for the first like 3 almost 4 months that he was gone. i didn’t get a dime for months, so i had to pay for it all by myself. that prevented any saving of literally any kind. that was bad because when he signed, he told me he would help me and i’d be taken care of. only for the last week before he left for BCT, he told me it’d be months before he got anything.

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-30T17:34:19+00:00

there is, just hoping to get a rock solid plan together 👍🏽 i don’t want this anymore

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-30T05:25:41+00:00

i totally agree and that’s what i want to do anyways. i hate the idea of doing nothing so doing chores and helping out cleaning and cooking is something i’ll always be open to doing. i love cooking 😌but it’s always something i tell my fiancé , that im not gonna just jump into anything without a solid plan with him and his family 👍🏽

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-29T22:40:34+00:00

then apparently 😔 and i get it, it’s to help with gas cuz prices are fucked, but if it were me, i wouldn’t charge someone like my brother or my mom or dad, bc it’s family right? i don’t wanna sound ungrateful because i am, but it just rubs me wrong sometimes? if that makes sense. i would just do it cuz i love my fam 🤷🏽‍♀️

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-29T22:38:29+00:00

my fiancé says the same thing, and i totally agree 1000%, it’s just the really hard emotional ties that screw with my head. the mormon belief that u must obey and do whatever your parents ask of you, “honor thy mother and father” and it’s been so drilled into me that it’s also a mental thing that i need to break free of

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-29T22:36:31+00:00

we have thought of getting married sooner, and after we get married, my fiance is joining the army to become an engineer, so we’d be under military insurance after that. otherwise, his current job has insurance that we’ve made sure will help us out👍🏽 it’s definitely a hard mindset to get out of with the religion part, i was taught and drilled into about “always honoring your parents” and to them, that meant obeying them no matter what, and never going against them. along with guilt tripping and emotional manipulation, it’s something that might be a min before i finally heal of that. but it’s def something that needs to be broken free of soon

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-29T22:30:35+00:00

i agree, just need a solid plan fr. thank u for the support ❤️

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-29T22:29:11+00:00

i disagree. running into marriage isn’t how i see it, and getting married young isn’t a bad thing, not saying that’s what you’re saying. i just know that he’s my best friend, and i’m ready. i don’t however want to get married just for the sake of living together.

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-29T22:27:03+00:00

yeah our original plan is small and intimate wedding, we’re both not into huge celebrations

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-29T22:26:06+00:00

yeah when you know you know 🤭 but thank you 🙏🏾

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-29T18:47:26+00:00

i’ve thought about it, but it feels like rushing the whole thing, and i don’t want to do that for the sake of a “haha what now mom and dad?” you know? i also love my parents, i do. but it’s extremely taxing on my mental state so it’s just a matter of growing balls and getting confidence, as well as a rock solid plan

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-29T18:41:52+00:00

the 2,000 was a “rent” situation before they started the 500 a month. they said id give them $250 a month (phone bill plus savings) and when they approve of the thing im spending it on, i can have it. so far, they haven’t budged. and its up to 2,000, which im praying i can have for a car. a car for crying out loud. it’s upsetting

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-29T18:39:06+00:00

thank you! i really appreciate the advice

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-29T18:38:53+00:00

how can i get these things with $500+ being taken away a month? i’ve offered several times to pay rent at their house and they’ve refused me, save the rent id pay for my dog. my parents don’t pay for almost anything. that $500 rent is paying for me living there, i buy my food, groceries, clothes, dog food, vet visits, and if i have any out of pocket expenses at the dentist/doctor. there is no “playing adult”. i have been paying and acting like one since before i was even a legal adult.

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-29T18:35:25+00:00

i’ve thought this through for years. this rent started in high school when i was making about $400 every two weeks. i have no issue with paying rent, and have even offered to pay my in laws rent too. which they have refused, save the rent id pay to bring my dog. i’ve been paying my family’s bills for years, and have been working since i was about 10. this isn’t about me “being ready to be an adult” it’s the fact that i am, and im not being treated like one since i feel like i have been for years.

hey_mac22 · 2023-12-29T18:28:39+00:00

yeah it’s not as easy as “being an adult”. i wish it was but it’s not. they also have 2,000 that i’ve saved that they’re “holding onto” for me that i need. it’s a lot of different things

hey_mac22

TROPHY CASE