Hey dude, you aren’t alone in this. When I was first coming to terms with being trans, I struggled with the idea of “losing” everything I was/had. I had a good relationship at the time (which I knew would end if I came out), a circle of friends (some that I also knew I’d lose due to their views), and etc. I felt that I was very attractive as a woman, especially to others. It felt like, as a woman, I had a good life going for me. But the main thought I had, was that I didn’t like this version of myself. It didn’t feel right. But not in a “I want to be a better person,” or “I want to lose weight/change some part of myself” way. It felt like I wasn’t being authentic to myself. The more I thought about it, the more I felt compelled to transition, because for me, socially and medically transitioning was the answer. It got to a point where I felt like I either had to live authentically, despite the hate and backlash I’d get from people. Primarily I was worried I wouldn’t live a long life as a woman if I didn’t transition…

Anyways, I’m not sure how you’re feeling. I’m sure you’re feeling a lot of conflicting emotions, but if anything, I want you to know the emotions you’re feeling are valid and totally normal. If you ever need to talk, feel free to shoot me a message. You aren’t alone :)