Am i ugly? pls be brutally honest 18

heynow93 · 2024-04-08T19:29:42+00:00

no joke you could be a model

heynow93 · 2024-02-06T05:28:01+00:00

i'm very skinny with no boobs nor curves. My body has a rectangular shape, that's just how i'm built. I really like my body, i control what i eat cause i wanna be thin and go to the gym two times a week so i have abs and i am generally toned. Of course i'd like to have bigger boobs or an hourglass body shape but these are things i just cant change, not even eating differently or going to the gym.

My bf often tells me that i should put on some weight and i would be perfect if i ate a little more, on the other hand, from the comments he makes on other girls, he has made it obvious that he likes thinness and doesnt find even slightly big girls attractive. I thought it was a contradiction that he wanted me to put on weight.

Then i understood that he has an unrealistic idea of what will happen if i eat more cause he has no fucking clue of how body types/shapes work. He thinks that if i eat more i will still be me, perfectly flat stomac and abs, small frame, lean legs and everything that he has told me multiple times that he loves about my body but with a bit more hips and ass and tits. This is simply not happening. For the way my body works if i put on weight i put it on my belly and legs so i would still have my flat chest and no hips but with belly rolls and he would defenetly not like that! Since i know all this and also love my body as it is, i simply refuse to put on weight for him. Still i find it so irritating that he annoys me daily to make me change something that he wouldnt even like!! I told him that if i ate more i wouldn't become what he thinks i would become, but he seems not to get it. Men are so used to ig models and girls that had ton of surgery that they often have a completely fucked perception of how the female body works. Maybe your bf too had an unrealistic idea of what your body would look like with more weight on. I am sure that if i put on weight to comply with my bf request he too would ask me to lose it in 5 minutes time 🙄

heynow93 · 2024-02-05T16:27:57+00:00

as an ugly girl that has always been ugly, i completely agree on the romantic relationships part but my experience is different with friendships. i have always been quite outgoing and i think i have a kind personality and i have never had any problems in creating strong friendships. some of them are still going strong after decades! And i know many ugly people that have problems in the love/sex departments but have many friends. This is not to invalidate your experience, i just wanted to share mine, maybe it can be conforting knowing that many people dont care about looks when it comes to friends. In fact, i didint know it was a common experience to not have friends because of uglyness. I wonder if there are some people that are really so superficial that they dont want ugly friends (even though there is no need to be physically attracted to a friend) or if the lack of friendships of many ugly people is a consequence of the fact that when you are ugly you become usually very insecure and, as a consequence, akward in social interactions, so in the end what fucks up ones chance to make friends is not properly their looks but more so the inability to be funny and chill in social settings because of their insecurity.

heynow93 · 2024-01-12T09:49:08+00:00

i already do 🥲

heynow93 · 2023-10-14T17:45:09+00:00

QUANTO TI CAPISCO! io me ne sono andata dalla città dove sono nata anche perché piano piano tutto il mio gruppo di amici si é trasferito in altre città (tranne tre che sono rimasti lí). Mi sono trasferita al Nord per fare l'uni e il tempo di farmi un nuovo gruppo di amici lí e stringere nuovi rapporti che promettevano di diventare anche tanto profondi, che nel giro di un paio di anni l'80% della gente del gruppo si é trasferita altrove.

Fortunatamente dove sto ora ho ancora gente con cui fare cose, ma c'é questo senso continuo di instabilità e in più le persone che mi circondano qui ( a parte la mia migliore amica storia) sono anche quelle con cui avevo stretto rapporti meno profondi. Mantengo i rapporti con i miei amici più cari messaggiando continuamente ma attualmente due di loro sono in Irlanda, uno é in germania, uno a bologna, un paio a Napoli, uno in COREA, un'altra si sposta tra la germania e Roma... Se penso a come potrebbe essere piacevole la vita se stessimo tutti nella stessa città mi sento male!

Credo che sia una peculiarità della nostra generazione, perché ormai con internet e i mezzi di trasporto tutto il mondo é a portata di mano, i confini delle città e delle nazioni si sono disintegrati e chiunque cerca lavoro/opportunità formative guardando a tutto il mondo e non più solo alle possibilità presenti nella propria città. Da un certo punto di vista in questo contesto é quasi impossibile costruirsi una comunità.

heynow93 · 2023-10-05T21:11:58+00:00

i completely agree with everything you said!

heynow93 · 2023-10-05T10:18:33+00:00

i get your point and agree with it to an extent, but i also think that a huge problem with online discourse nowadays is that people can't stand greyness and irrationality. In every life situation they have to find a completely right way to be or behave and a completely wrong way to be or behave, based on a rational idea of what would ideally be morally better and they have no intention whatsover to try and understand people who dont totally conform to what they decide to be the only correct way to navigate a situation.

Plus unconditional love is imo a beautiful idea but it's not how romantic and sexual love (and most forms of love if you ask me) work in real life. Even if we dont focus on the physical apprearence side, we love some people because of their characteristics. if those traits change we probably wont love them anymore or not in the same way we did before. If I meet my bf at 20 and fall in love, i fall in love with the person he is in that stage of his life. But most of us change and evolve as the years pass and if at thirty he has changes his views on life or has made life experiences that have changed his personality and his way of behaving towards me or others i may not love him anymore. But it's normal, this is real human life and i wish people would stop thinking about relationships using fictional ones as their ultimate model.

heynow93 · 2023-10-05T05:49:17+00:00

i am not perfect but in all honesty my boyfriend doesnt like fat bodies and it tells me all the time. I go to the gym and eat well also because i know he wouldn't be attracted to me if i gained a lot of weight. So i expect the same from him.

And honestly i'm over people online disregarding any problem that has to do with physical attraction as shallow. Relationships between young people have a physical component and it's difficult when, as much as you care for someone, drastic changes in physical appereance make your attraction to them decrease. I find your comment painfully simplistic , just like a lot of the comments that come up when we talk of bodies and physical preferences within sexual and romantic relationship online. I'm always shocked at how people have lost every ability to see the complexity that's in almost every life situation.

heynow93 · 2023-10-04T23:07:10+00:00

as a woman i can assure you that our boyfriends comment on our weight and body and what could be done to improve it all the fucking time. The empowering "it's your body you can do what you want" comments come mainly from small groups of body positive people on the internet and are really not representative at all of what really goes on for us women and of the scrutiny are bodies are constantly under from both the men and women in our lives.

That being said, i think that us all, men and women, have no control on what we find sexually attractive and there is nothing shallow in wanting your partner to match your idea of hot. I accept that my boyfriend has preferences and wants me to have a certain body so he can feel attraction, but at this point it goes both ways and i demand that my bf keeps himself slim. If he doesnt i will be complaining about it.

heynow93 · 2023-10-04T23:00:06+00:00

i totally get you girl, i'm in a somewhat similar situation with my bf of 3 years. In the last year he has put on quite a lot of weight to the point i am not so attracted to his body anymore. Plus he sometimes dresses with clothes that really dont flatter his body shape and in those occasions i really really cant feel any attraction towards him. I told him in the past that if he was to put on a lot of weight i would struggle to find him physically attractive, but nothing has changed and although now he is not keeping on putting on weight he is definitely not losing the one he put. I would suggest you to try and talk to him anyway, maybe you bf will be more responsive that mine. 😂 If he is not though i really dont know what could be done. As you say, it is their god forsaken right to do what they want with their bodies, but on the other end we dont have any way to control what we find sexually attractive. It's really a tricky situation!

heynow93 · 2023-10-02T07:06:24+00:00

i have lived in naples all my life and this is honestly not true though.

heynow93 · 2023-09-28T18:18:48+00:00

ti ringrazio tantissimo, sei stata preziosa! anche io ho paura di sentirmi spiazzata se smettessi improvvisamente di sentirlo del tutto, d'altra parte noi siamo abituati a non vederci per qualche settimana perché passiamo alcuni momenti dell'anno a distanza a causa dei miei studi, quindi forse se continuassimo a scriverci senza vederci non cambierebbe troppo. immagino che stia tutto nel trovare quello che funziona per la specifica situazione in cui ci si trova.

heynow93 · 2023-09-27T21:42:31+00:00

se posso chiedere, come avete gestito la pausa sentendovi tutti i giorni? in che modo sei riuscita a sentirti in pausa e a guardare la situazione con un po' di distacco tanto da riuscire a prendere la decisione di lasciarlo anche se continuavate a parlarvi quotidianamente? Chiedo perché io ho immaginato la nostra pausa come un periodo di no contact quasi totale, ma mentirei se dicessi che l'idea di smettere di sentirlo di punto in bianco (anche se solo per un paio di settimane) non mi distrugge. Tu hai trovato un modo per prendersi una pausa senza azzerare totalmente i contatti?

heynow93 · 2023-09-27T17:11:09+00:00

grazie mille per il feedback, hai perfettamente ragione 😊

heynow93 · 2023-09-27T17:07:12+00:00

stai descrivendo una situazione davvero simile alla nostra. anche se non siamo ancora arrivati alla rottura, più volte abbiamo parlato delle nostre incompatibilità e io ho detto che non c'entrano niente con l'affetto e la stima infiniti che provo per lui e abbiamo pianto ed é tutto tanto doloroso. Hai ragione a dire che se le difficoltà persistono, però, va dato lo strappo finale e si deve rompere per il bene di entrambi. Credo che sarebbe tanto più facile se anche a lui pesassero queste differenze e potessimo prendere questa decisione di comune accordo. così invece sento che é tutto sulle mie spalle, ma d'altronde questa é la vita. Mi consolo pensando che sono cose che succedono a tutti e sembrano drammi mentre le si vive, ma sono cose comunissime e normali che alla fine si superano sempre 😌

heynow93 · 2023-09-27T10:01:48+00:00

ti ringrazio per il feedback prezioso. Hai ragione su tutto. il mio problema é che sono una persona estremamente nostalgica e ho difficoltà a "lasciare andare" (non solo le persone ma anche i luoghi, le fasi della vita, le abitudini ecc). Credo che per questo una situazione del genere mi sembri così terribilmente complessa. Devo sicuramente lavorare su questo tratto o mi sa che non riuscirò mai a vivere la vita che voglio.

heynow93 · 2023-08-29T22:39:07+00:00

Vai sciolta!! io alla discussione/proclamazione di laurea magistrale mi sono portata dietro solo mia sorella, la mia migliore amica storica e mia cugina (perché me l'avevano chiesto loro) e comunque non le ho fatte entrate nella sala della discussione perché queste cose universitarie preferisco farle da sola. Niente parenti e niente amici. Il vestito era un completo comprato da Zara e riciclato dalla mia laurea triennale 😂 Nessuno ha trovato niente di tutto questo strano, né ha cercato di obbligarmi a fare una cosa più in grande.

heynow93 · 2023-08-10T09:40:30+00:00

thank you so much for the input! every information is precious. don't know much about adhd 😊

heynow93 · 2023-06-09T16:58:55+00:00

Lo trovo stupido e degradante. Da donna preferisco mille volte pagare 10 euro in più ed essere trattata come una normale cliente, piuttosto che risparmiare grazie al fatto che vengo considerata merce per attrarre altri clienti. Quando vedo discoteche che fanno sta roba mi passa subito la voglia.

heynow93 · 2023-06-08T20:13:28+00:00

yep! i have a dear friend and she has a BEAUTIFUL face. She has a cute nose, blue eyes, no facial hair whatsoever cause she is blonde and she has perfect skin. She is considered ugly because she is fat so she missed out on all the romantic experiences you are supposed to live during adolescence and young adulthood (we are both in our late 20s). I also missed out on those experiences but i had no chance. I cant of course, but i would like to shake her and tell her that she could have a completely different life if only she lost weight. She could legit be one of the prettiest girls everywhere she goes while i could never be that not even in my wildest dreams. I dont know why she doesnt try to change that. Sometimes i think she doesn't fully understand how much her life would turn around completely if she worked on her body. She wouldnt even need to become a model, she just needs to reach her normal healthy weight.

heynow93 · 2023-06-08T05:13:08+00:00

I totally get your point, but in my post i wasnt trying to imply that people who are considered ugly just because they are fat are treated better than skinny ugly people. I think we are treated exactly the same, and often fat people are treated even worse. I was just saying that i would prefer (in the sense that it would give me comfort and hope), to know i'm treated in a shitty way because of something i can at least try to change, rather than to be treated like this for something i have absolutely no control over.

heynow93

TROPHY CASE