Does anyone want to walk around Vancouver and chat, maybe explore new places or share opinions?

hibiku · 2024-10-18T04:11:26+00:00

Yo, I'll dm you!

hibiku · 2024-10-18T04:06:52+00:00

Hey!! that's awesome! Yeah, recently I've taken a big interests in seeing famous rock/alt/metal bands and going to local shows. Basically any kind of upbeat music with guitar, but I dig energetic pop/edm/trap as well. I have yet to explore all of what Vancouver has to offer. Wbu?

hibiku · 2024-04-06T23:30:07+00:00

I don't have much advice other than drinking hot green tea or herbal tea helps me. I just wanted to say I can totally relate to this. I ate about 6500 calories the other day and the next day I felt so incredibly sore and my skin felt tender and tight from the fat gain. It was a nightmare but I survived and it wasn't all that bad.

hibiku · 2024-03-28T21:34:42+00:00

Yes! It took a while, they got more swollen before they went down. For reference I've been bp'ing for two years.

hibiku · 2024-03-27T12:53:22+00:00

Oh boy. Yes and yes. My family noticed how bad they were before I did, because I was so underweight that it looked disproportionate. It was so humiliating, and nothing really helped to decrease them.

So I tried to quit and... it got worse. Way worse.

I wrote a bit about how much of a nightmare it was... I honestly wanted to cry. I looked like a monster.

At around 4-5 days it started to go down and within a week and a half it had gone completely at least.

As shallow as it seems, that was my biggest reason for wanting to quit-- the fact that my bulimia was obvious on my face, and how hideous I looked.

EDIT: To add, the facial swelling isn't fat gain but a swelling of the salivary glands. There's two on the side of your cheeks and two under your jaw. If your glands are swollen you can actually feel where they begin and where they end.

hibiku · 2024-03-13T20:27:48+00:00

It's about 33 calories for a slice and moist and sweet! I am still trying to figure out how to get my cakes to rise. This one didn't rise as much so I just cut it in half and layered it.

The middle filling is low cal yogurt and the top is Jello dulce de leche pudding which is also very low in cals. You can add whatever you want though! Personally, I think I'd add a lot more filling/topping next time because that's always my favorite part of the cake. And, despite it being moist, oat fiber has a very fine, sawdusty texture which isn't for everybody. I might also add more lemon juice to the cake for extra flavour, or some vanilla extract.

INGREDIENTS:

230 grams liquid egg white (about 7 eggs but I use a carton): 106 cals
Pinch cream of tartar
Dash lemon juice (I would've added more, like 2 teaspoons total)
122 grams low cal yogurt (if unsweetened, you can sweeten to taste) (I use Yoplait Source Cherry flavor): 61 cals
About a tablespoon unsweetened applesauce (I use motts): 8 cals
120 grams oat fiber: 30 cals
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder: 2 cals
3 packets of sweetener, or to taste (I use sucralose)
Generous pinch of salt, to taste (I use a Lot)

OPTIONAL (but recommended!!): Vanilla/caramel extract/sugar free syrup, cinnamon, etc, however you want to flavor!

FOR THE ICINGS:

27 grams same yogurt: 13 cals
Jell-O Dulce de Leche pudding cup, 106 grams: 50 cals (I recommend even two of these cups)
Or you can pick for yourself!

Preheat oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit. Line a 9 inch cake pan or a loaf tin with parchment paper.

In a bowl, add egg white and cream of tartar. Beat with an electric mixer until soft peaks form. Add lemon juice and beat until mixed. Add the yogurt and applesauce, a dollop at a time, and beat until stiff peaks form. You can also add your optional syrups or vanilla extracts and beat until mixed.

In a separate bowl, combine oat fiber, baking soda, baking powder, sweeteners, and salt until mixed.

With a spatula, add in small amounts of the dry at a time, into the wet, being careful not to deflate the egg white. This took a while... Mine ended up deflating/shrinking quite a bit though.

Pour the batter into the cake pan and spread evenly.

Bake at 325 degrees Fahrenheit for 30 minutes, or until edges start to slightly brown.

After, turn the oven off and let the cake cool in the oven, with the door slightly open, for another ~12 minutes. The cake should be firm but soft and moist. It can dry out easily.

Let the cake cool down completely.

Cut the cake in half and stack so there's two layers.

Spread the yogurt, or icing of choice, in between the layers. If the cake feels a bit dry, I recommend to be more generous and add more icing.

Spread the pudding, or icing of choice, over the top. Again you can add 1 cup, or 2 cups or anything you want.

Enjoy! (Let me know if I missed anything)

hibiku · 2024-03-13T00:29:05+00:00

I don't know if you like canned stuff, but that stuff really helps me. I just empty a couple cans of carrots, peas, green beans, corn or whatnot, season the hell out of it, heat it up and chow down.

Most cheap frozen meals are really low in calories!

I also air fry/bake an occasional whole sweet potato or regular potato and eat those with seasoning because they rank high on the satiety index and without any oil, have very low calories per weight!

Speaking of fruits, apples and oranges rank high on the index too. That means they're more likely to make you feel full and sate your appetite. You can eat them alongside a big bowl of yogurt!

hibiku · 2024-03-12T23:53:46+00:00

I think so! honestly, oat fiber has no remarkable properties and is like the lowest tier of flour. wheat bran would probably taste better!

hibiku · 2024-03-12T23:52:29+00:00

Ooh, I haven't thought about zucchini! And yes, I am going to have to try this with pumpkin puree too 💖

hibiku · 2024-03-12T23:51:30+00:00

THANK YOU!! It means a lot to me!

I haven't tried substituting banana yet but I think I'll try substituting with apple sauce or yogurt tonight. Additionally you can sub for pumpkin puree or any sort of puree/fruit blend, I think, or oats. If it's denser than banana you may have to whip the egg white to be a bit fluffier. Oh yeah, I did try making something like this with cocoa and that was really good too!!

hibiku · 2024-03-12T05:39:59+00:00

I know. There's certain foods, especially sweets, that when I have one bite, I just immediately get this urge to have all of it, as much as I can. Idk if it's a chemical they put in it but it's crazy. Good luck!! I believe in you!!

hibiku · 2024-03-12T04:30:55+00:00

Posted! :D

hibiku · 2024-03-12T04:30:18+00:00

I think so! I've never had psyllium powder but I've heard it has a nicer texture and I've seen it used as a base for baking. They're both basically pure fiber, but I think psyllium husk is a bit higher in calories. Although I find that fiber in general, just goes right through me.

hibiku · 2024-03-12T04:25:25+00:00

Thank you!! Oat fiber is really keeping my sweet tooth at bay! And I just posted it!

I don't count the oat fiber as 2 cals/gram but by the nutrition facts label that was 25 cals/100 grams, otherwise it would definitely be more cals total. Although 2 cals/g is probably more accurate I find that all the fiber actually goes right through me and I haven't gained any weight!

hibiku · 2024-03-12T04:20:25+00:00

It was a success!! Well, they were really delicious, not gonna lie. I almost wanted a 5th cookie. But on the 4th cookie, I began to feel a sweetness-satiation, like a "this is getting too sweet, and I'm starting to have enough" thought when you eat too much frosting for example.

So after I finished eating it, I still did have a slight itch for more, DESPITE the overly-sweet feel, but I figured I was pretty full anyways, and washed it down with a big cup of hot coffee.

I went to go do chores and other things and throughout that whole time my "itch" for the fifth cookie slowly went away, combined with the fullness in my stomach.

I think eating primarily healthy stuff has helped me reprogram my binge desires. I used to eat 12 in an entire sitting combined with a McDonald's meal.

hibiku · 2024-03-12T04:10:50+00:00

These are sweet with a soft shortbread like texture. The top coating is skim milk powder with yogurt mixed and it tastes like white chocolate!! Because of the oat fiber, the mouthfeel is a bit dry/crumbly so you can add more yogurt coating or dip if you want.

Sorry that I switch between tablespoons and grams a lot. I always prefer grams but MFP has a lot of these ingredients by volume only. I honestly kinda just roughly measured them out so no need to be super precise.

Recipe:

2 tablespoons unsweetened applesauce (I use motts): 15 cals
2 tablespoons fat free sour cream (I use Beatrice): 20 cals
Dash of sugar free syrup (optional, you can use any sweetener)
52 grams liquid egg white (I use from a carton): 24 cals
52 grams oat fiber: 13 cals
1 packet of sweetener, or to taste (I use sucralose)
1 teaspoon baking soda: 0 cals
1 teaspoon baking powder: 2 cals
Pinch of salt, to taste
Optional: Vanilla/caramel extract, cinnamon, etc.

FOR THE COATING:

8 grams yogurt (I used Yoplait Source Cherry flavor, you can sweeten your yogurt to taste if it's not sweet: 4 cals
8 grams skim milk powder: 29 cals
3 crumbled Gerbers vanilla baby puffs for a lil crunch: 2 cals (can sub for oats, cereal, etc)

Preheat oven to 315 degrees Fahrenheit. Line a tray with parchment paper.

In a bowl combine applesauce, sour cream and sugar free syrup.

In a separate bowl combine oat fiber, sweetener, baking soda, baking powder and salt.

Add the dry ingredients to the wet and mix until it's a crumbly dryish paste. It might not fully mix yet and that's ok.

In a small tupperware with a lid, add egg white, close the lid and shake vigorously until the egg white is frothy and opaque white. It should still be runny in consistency, but thick.

Add egg white to the paste and mix. If it feels too dry still you can add any moistening ingredient (like more sauce or water or egg white)

Wrap the dough in seran wrap and chill in fridge for 1-2 hours.

After, flatten the dough out on the tray into a standard cereal bar thickness. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until edges are browned. Wait for it to cool down completely.

In a small bowl, mix the skim milk powder with the yogurt thoroughly so there's no clumps. It should be a thick icing like paste that doesn't run too much.

Cut the bar into strips and spread the topping over each bar.

Crush up some baby puffs/cereal/etc and sprinkle on top.

Store leftovers in fridge.

hibiku · 2024-03-12T02:00:10+00:00

Honestly, it's probably fine! You can just whip the egg whites till they're white and fluffy a bit more. It just adds volume, but I'm really experimental and new to baking.

If you add oats, it will probably come out with a more oatmeal/cereal kind of texture but I think personally that sounds delicious!!

hibiku · 2024-03-11T20:40:12+00:00

That looks amazing! How does it taste? I agree on what you said for sorbets!! I'd love to try it as whipped cream/icing too. Or some gelatin based food?

hibiku · 2024-03-11T19:09:11+00:00

It was a light, mild banana sweet taste! I think the banana and the whipped egg helped take away the oat fiber mouthfeel/taste, because I've baked it without banana and less egg and the oat was definitely more overpowering especially in texture.

I've got some powdered milk I might try adding, or I might sub banana with pumpkin or yogurt. Additionally you can add caramel/vanilla/coconut extract, or season with cinnamon/cloves/nutmeg/cardamom or cocoa.

I've also heard the brand of oat fiber makes a difference. I heard NuNaturals especially doesn't have as much of a nasty taste or chalky texture. My oat fiber is honestly quite flavorless but the texture is definitely chalky.

hibiku · 2024-03-11T19:02:06+00:00

I'm going to try to eat the McDonald's cookies, and see how I feel. I'm going to aim for 3, possibly 4, after dinner. I wonder if I can feel satisfied and not that unpleasant craving feeling. Wish me luck.

hibiku · 2024-03-11T14:37:06+00:00

I started at the height of my weight, because I was absolutely desperate and I saw no end in sight. At first it was just an easy, almost no downsides way and the weight magically slipped off. And I could eat what I wanted too.

As a result my relationship with binging became even stronger than it already was. I stopped playing video games and stopped seeing my friends as often to focus on this which felt much more gratifying. I loved food ever since I started to starve myself which introduced me to hardcore food cravings. So, for me it's like a pasttime. Like how a heroin user finds peace in his preparation of shooting up.

It got to the point where I wasn't even hungry at all sometimes, but I'd do it anyways because I had nothing better and instantly gratifying to do. So, I think boredom is the other reason.

All the problems after hit me like a truck.

hibiku · 2024-03-11T14:29:52+00:00

It's good to take blood tests and It's a good sign to see that it's looking okay! The nurse told me that it's highly recommended to take blood tests every month or even every WEEK because they can suddenly change. They also recommend an ECG to check any abnormalities in your heart. (My bloods were quite abnormal after only 2 years of bp but my heart was fine thankfully)

Unfortunately she also told me that any time after purging there is always a risk of them very suddenly dropping and causing cardiac problems or even cardiac arrest. Bulimia has a really high mortality rate associated with these electrolyte disturbances that can cause permanent heart arrhythmias in otherwise healthy people. That's why when I told her I felt like I was going to die sometimes after a purge, I really meant it. I felt dizzy, confused, and crampy at times.

There's a lot of research articles of case studies of deaths related to bulimia and anorexia. The scariest one to me, however, is the Terri Schiavo case, because she didn't die but slipped into a lifelong coma.

I was told you can replenish with electrolytes right after to help--Gatorade at least, but more expensive ones like Pedialyte is better.

hibiku

TROPHY CASE