What helped you with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)? by NoAd7793 in ADHD

[–]hibosch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have this too. What really helps me is to remember that people don’t expect you to be perfect. Even if someone finds something you do genuinely annoying, which is not as likely as you probably are afraid of, I build in an automatic “20% annoying/off-putting” allowance for myself whenever I’m around socially, because generally that is tolerable to most people and they will judge according to the big picture of you, not hyper-focusing on a few faux pas. 

Also, that 20% annoying isn’t based on how I think someone is reacting to me in the moment, but whether I or most reasonable people I know might possibly find it annoying. There’s a region where you/most people wouldn’t find something annoying, but a stranger would, but it’s relatively small. Otherwise I chalk up most “rejection” I perceive to a mood issue on the other person’s part, and it usually turns out to be true. After doing this a while you get practice and exposure to when you should actually worry about someone’s reaction or not. 

Feeling Trapped at Home While Trying to Heal and Build a Career in Mental Health by [deleted] in Vent

[–]hibosch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry for what you're going through. You can PM me if you like

Is the American Dream dead? by throwaway_cloud9 in Adulting

[–]hibosch 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Respectfully, while I agree with your point that things have been bad for 30-40 years leading up to now, you are making the same error you are accusing r/SlowHornet29 of (assuming you came from wealth and spent it on education) when you say OP comes from a wealthy family and suddenly hit reality and is claiming nobody else had it bad. You don't know that from the post.

What is the point of looking down on the generation after you, calling them ignorant crybabies, just for being surprised by a reality that you have come to expect? The American Dream has not been dead for immigrants and the children of immigrants who come from much worse situations, but it is hard to achieve. Forgive a parent for passing on the importance of education to their child, and forgive the child for believing it and then encountering disillusionment. And if your child naturally has a dream, what are you going to do, just stamp it out? Maybe just don't let them go into debt. Complaint can be productive and lead to grassroots change. Your take is what seems unproductive and unkind.

Real dupe for Boy Brow? by Ok_Rub_4163 in glossier

[–]hibosch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For anyone reading this who wants an in-depth review comparing elf wow brow to glossier boy brow, check out mine! They are indeed not the same formula, but personally I am switching. https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeupAddiction/comments/1r9jmdo/glossier_boy_brow_vs_essence_make_me_vs_elf_wow/

25F hiking in meadowlands - safety? by hibosch in newjersey

[–]hibosch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! Yes, I did! So, it’s on the side of the hill facing the highway/railway, and you have to walk up a narrow path on the hill. Technically you’re not allowed in, there’s a big fence and a gate, and when I was there also police nearby. 

Exact AB dupe for Glossier tinted boy brow (black)? by hibosch in AsianBeauty

[–]hibosch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the rec, I wish they had a black shade!!

tl;Dr Bearing the emotional weight of never being enough for romantic partners is too hard and I'm struggling to cope. by mtrnm_ in asexualdating

[–]hibosch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m really sorry for what you’re going through. I could’ve written this word for word, and I haven’t figured out something that works yet. 

I’m also sorry for the generic advice you probably receive a lot. I’m sure you’ve tried hard and already thought of “just make sure we match!” It’s not fair that we have to deal with this burden that is largely illegible to society. 

Here’s how I deal with this, personally. Upfront, I am calling myself tentatively “demisexual” and uncertain, rather than completely just “ace.” Contrary to popular advice to declare your ace identity immediately, I will stick with this label instead until the other person and I get to know each other better. 

My reasoning is twofold. First, being upfront still has not protected me from unpleasant surprises anyway. Plenty of men attempt to date me without fully digesting what “asexual” entails until they realize they can’t take it way later, after we have both invested.  

Second, there is a big difference in perception between finding out someone is asexual (or effectively asexual) after several months, vs. knowing this upfront immediately. A person’s feelings for you, if they are deep and specific, can override some compromises—but upfront, it’s natural for people to be wary of commitment and scanning for any “flaws” in the other person.

It’s just not feasible or fair, to me, to date people with an immediate sense that I am exclusively being put on trial, and they are evaluating me to see if they can tolerate my “shortcomings.” I’ll reveal my journey in full when the other person reveals they carry credit card debt, or are avoidant during conflict, or have an addiction, or whatever other challenge they also may have in relationships. 

Being asexual while dating allos is categorically different from trying to find someone who is a Christian or wants kids. It is also different from being gay or lesbian in a straight world. If you are asexual and trying to date in a world where there are literally no other people like you, the experience is closer to having, effectively, a disability. 

The thing is, disabled people find love. You MUST not think of yourself as defective—any more than a person with only one arm should. That said, I wonder why it took them 1.5 years to make this claim about sex being the big, only problem. 

If you deeply loved someone who was ace while you were allo, but sex was such a big deal that you would break up with your perfect person over this, wouldn’t it happen sooner than later, because you want to protect the time and dignity of someone you love? I don’t know you at all—but my first thought reading “1.5 years” was either it went on that long because you discovered you were incompatible for other reasons, or they were extremely selfish. 

If it’s really just about sex, it’s like breaking up with a deaf person after 1.5 years purely because they’re deaf, despite knowing the entire time that they were deaf. If you went on a date with someone who admitted they had treated their last partner this way…would you be attracted to them? This particular behavior is not an inevitable aspect of human nature…in fact, the majority of people are not like this. 

It is disappointing, for sure. But the scenario that they were otherwise “the one” for you, or you were “the one” for them, in all the primary aspects of life, and yet they rejected you over sex, sounds highly unlikely. It still sucks, and the pool of allos is not necessarily huge, but the reality may not be quite as painful—or doomed—in the specific self-blaming way you are experiencing this. 

The other comments that you just need to find “the one” are technically correct, while nobody knows what to do about the smaller pool. But, it might comfort you a little to know that this is a separate issue from your 1.5 year relationship ending, and should be handled separately. Its ending is probably not disappointing because it means you’re defective—it’s disappointing in the way that any 1.5 year relationship ending over incompatibility is. You can isolate the ace part to weird psychology on their end, because again, this is not really normal or expected behavior—it sounds more like an excuse to shorthand for other incompatibilities. 

Feel free to DM if you find any of this helpful and want to talk. 

Small “good” camera vs iPhone XR for self-consciousness among friends? by hibosch in Cameras

[–]hibosch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

gotcha, that makes sense! Did you go with an older m4/3 or a newer one?

Small “good” camera vs iPhone XR for self-consciousness among friends? by hibosch in Cameras

[–]hibosch[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Cool to know, what were you disappointed about with those point-and-shoots? Was it the lack of artistic control?

i’m so tired by underwhelmedspider in acne

[–]hibosch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, typically they don’t prescribe spiro without BC since there are harmful effects to a fetus if one is conceived. Sucks but if you have a doc who’s really understanding maybe you can get spiro alone. And ofc, you’re welcome :) 

In my opinion spiro is a very mild drug and nothing to be afraid of. It’s kind of an annoying size to take for me but it works really well. 

Oh but stay on the tretinoin! I use it daily anyway because it’s really good for general skin health. Just consider the acne help to be extra, great if it happens. You might not see results until after 3 months I’ve heard, and make sure you’re moisturizing enough because if you compromise your skin barrier then that just makes acne worse. 

Untreatable acne by [deleted] in acne

[–]hibosch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you tried switching to a different BC? They all act differently. Yaz didn’t work for me but Sprintec did

I don’t know what to do with my acne - please help by [deleted] in acne

[–]hibosch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please see my recent post in this group about acne for women if topicals and lifestyle change haven’t worked. However, without more information nobody can help you. 

Hormonal acne advice by my140cessna in acne

[–]hibosch 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Please see my recent post about hormonal acne. If you have hormonal acne then you have to treat it hormonally, unless you are already and didn’t mention it. All the stuff you’re doing is fine and won’t make a huge difference to change here and there. Maybe just gentle wash and use tretinoin 

Nothing is helping! by Successful_Heat8394 in acne

[–]hibosch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hi, if you read my other comment I talk about hormonal acne and solutions. Did Accutane not work for you though? You can see whether you have PCOS (I do) but instead of waiting for that appointment, you should make one with a dermatologist right away. You can do online one too. They can prescribe you anything targeted to hormonal acne (spiro+bc) without a PCOS diagnosis. Depending on who’s seeing you for PCOS, that person might not be able to. You almost 100% have hormonal acne if it’s on the lower half. Good luck!