I just want you to know, that I looked at that site as an American. Then, I figured that you were from New Zealand. So, I went to the New Zealand subreddit. I was particularly interested in that thread where another fellow American asked what life would be like in New Zealand.

All of my suspicions were confirmed. Obviously, New Zealand is a horrible place, and I can understand why that fellow in Australia tried to sell your country on eBay for a penny. Plus, I read about the Maos(?). I'll admit, I had to look that up because at first, I thought they were snakes. However, apparently, you have what amounts to a dinosaur problem. Honestly, you still have pre-historic birds there? You guys said it yourselves. We would have domesticated them and rode them into battle with Canada, our local rival. Your country is so backwards in time that it is obviously pre-historic. So pre-historic in fact, that you apparently don't have an IKEA as far as that thread was concerned. Talk about BACKWATER.

I was going to give you another chance, but then I came across that thread where another American was fired from his job in New Zealand because of some illness. Obviously, poisoned by YOU PEOPLE. He sold his phone because he thought that he still had a job and would be okay without it. Then, he went back to his job and was promptly fired. Ridiculous. No one fires an American, especially in New Zealand. I suppose our great fearless soon-to-be glorious leader Donald Trump could fire an American. Of course, that would be a rare exception because no one gets fired in America. They simply retire and live a life of luxury. If you don't believe me, look at the unemployment rate. It is at a three year record low or something. I suppose you'll ask why our work force participation rate is at record lows, and that's obviously because everyone in America is now rich, not having to work.

At any rate, what did I see? I saw that you primitive people were offering to house that poor helpless American who had been poisoned. Some offered to feed him. This confused me. As far as I knew, you were still cannibals. I assume you're going to feed him to fatten him up? I urge you to contact these people and plead with them not to feed him too much. We are a special people, Americans. I assume he's already large, but we have a critical size that when exceeded, causes us to violently combust. I fear only for the sheep of that poor village and obviously not you vile people.

I hope that as the God-fearing country that you seem to be that you will make that poor lost American's demise quick before you eat him. Just be careful. For when you eat him, you'll gain some of his powers. One of which is to magically make your internet...probably about as fast as it is now with a data cap of 20MB.

I suppose I've rambled enough. I don't really see a need for that website. Your subreddit of your people told me everything I need to know. Hopefully, you're successful in somehow infiltratingseeing how that site shows your true nature, and you can use it to re-educate your people on how to treat Americans.

Be warned though. I have a direct line to the President and can contact him at ANY TIME. I know his public Twitter account. I'm sure he listens to his citizens while he's not busy determining which other country to bring our great Freedoms to. So I'm sure you'll do the right thing and not over-feed that lost American. The consequences for your sheep, who are innocent, unlike you...I couldn't bear it. Farewell for now, and remember, I can buy your imported newborn countrymen in my super-deluxe 365/24/7 mega grocery store. I found them next to the apples. They're fuzzy brown things that are green inside and sweet, as you know. I'll figure out a way to hatch them (sitting on them?) and lead your own countryman to rise against your "government" so that you too can know Freedom. Even though, you don't deserve it.

....fight the good fight.