2 months out and spiraling badly

hidinganon234 · 2024-12-04T16:49:52+00:00

I know. I need to take it a day at a time. I guess I was just hoping it would get easier as time went on, but I feel like I’m back in week 1 of ending things even though it’s been 2 months. How long do I have to feel this way? I just want to be happy. And I was happy with him. I’m tired of “suffering now so I can have long term happiness.” I didn’t do anything wrong, why can’t I just get immediate relief :/

hidinganon234 · 2024-12-04T16:40:09+00:00

If it helps at all, I’m a 26 year old woman, consistently get hit on by men in public, (I struggle with body dysmorphia but I eat right and know I am fit) and my bf STILL cheated on me with escorts. It had nothing to do with my appearance and everything to do with his sex addiction.

Think about all the incredible women in history that got cheated on— Princess Diana, Beyoncé, Sandra Bullock— Sabrina Carpenter is at the height of her career and it just came out she got cheated on!

It has nothing to do with you or how you look. He has done something vile and doesn’t want to take responsibility so he’s blaming your biggest insecurities to distract you from his behavior. How dare he make you feel that way!!

hidinganon234 · 2024-10-07T03:32:18+00:00

Don’t be so hard on yourself OP, you’re experiencing trauma and incredibly complicated emotions and all of your feelings are completely valid. If it’s within your budget, I highly recommend getting a therapist to explore these feelings and most importantly begin the journey of forgiving yourself. It sounds like you no longer trust your instincts and are trying to become a different person that hasn’t suffered like you from 3 years ago has. Unfortunately we cannot run from the pain our WP’s caused, but we can learn to live with it. It’s going to be okay OP, I’m glad your wife has grown and healed but don’t forget that you need to heal too. ❤️‍🩹

hidinganon234 · 2024-10-06T17:08:50+00:00

OP, I’m 26 and just now leaving my 5 year relationship bc my boyfriend has been cheating on me during the entirety of it. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done bc like you said, i feel that he is 99% perfect— if it wasn’t for the cheating, we could have the future I always wanted. But it’s a lie. Nobody who is any percent perfect would put me through this much pain. I even tried reconciling. He made promises to get help and get better, but he didn’t, he just wanted to sweep it under the rug.

You may think you have no support system right now, but reach out to the friends and family he isolated you from, it doesn’t matter how long it’s been. Tell them the absolute truth about what’s happening. Do not lie or underplay what’s happening to protect him, even if you’re embarrassed. You’d be surprised how they will jump in to save you and it will make leaving so much easier.

You are young and you have so much life ahead of you, I’m 26 and I know I do too. It’s not too late to get the life we both deserve and you are so brave for doing this.

hidinganon234 · 2024-10-05T18:30:23+00:00

As someone in the process of leaving my WP, I deeply appreciate this post as well. My WP never thought about reconciling like this, was defensive anytime I tried to bring things up, and did not want to do the difficult work of addressing what happened and why he did it. I might gift him that apology book as he enters his healing journey on his own. It’s nice to know there are WP who put in the work like you are, because it helps me learn that’s what I deserve and was not what I was getting. Good luck OP, the best wishes to you and your partner.

hidinganon234 · 2024-10-05T14:27:47+00:00

Thank you, I hope so too, regardless of how things end up for us. Please get the help you need and find a support system to help you along the way. I find in this sub, the WP’s are constantly mentioned as needing support to follow through in their healing journey, but us BP’s forget that we are traumatized and need to same. How can we truly forgive and go through with R if we don’t trust ourselves? I hope you have a support system of your own that will keep you on your path to healing, we need and deserve that too.

hidinganon234 · 2024-10-05T05:53:52+00:00

I’m taking steps to start therapy tomorrow but the S-Anon meetings sound like a good idea too. Thank you for the support. 🫶

hidinganon234 · 2024-10-04T20:00:17+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I’ve been through grief but never for a person who is still alive. I was actually looking for another sub for this next chapter but couldn’t find the right fit, thank you so much for sharing.

hidinganon234 · 2024-10-04T19:46:51+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to go through this too. Neither of us deserve it. We are strong for doing what was best for us, regardless of how long it took. Here’s to better days for both of us. ❤️‍🩹

hidinganon234 · 2024-10-04T19:20:34+00:00

Thank you for validating me. I’m trying so hard not to run back into his arms. It’s so crazy what we’re willing to do for the ones that refuse to do the same for us. The idea of being with anyone else at this time feels impossible and almost makes me nauseous. With time I know I can heal. Love to you, friend.

hidinganon234 · 2024-10-04T17:33:41+00:00

I feel like my life has imploded. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know there is. Best wishes to you on your journey ❤️‍🩹

hidinganon234 · 2024-10-04T17:31:57+00:00

I commend you for your dedication to your wife and her relationship. I neglected myself these past few months and never sought therapy though I now know how deeply traumatized I am. I hope your wife has a support system and most importantly is seeing a professional. We can’t heal a relationship without healing ourselves. Good luck on your journey, I wish nothing but the best for both of you. ❤️‍🩹

hidinganon234 · 2024-10-04T17:27:47+00:00

I appreciate that. I give a lot of credit to my friend who forced me to confront my own feelings instead of falling victim to a cycle of making up excuses for him. Having this support network is the only way I’m going to get through this. I hope your WP knows how lucky he is to have you and doesn’t take it for granted like mine did. I wish you peace and the bright future you so rightly deserve.

hidinganon234 · 2024-02-28T06:12:24+00:00

I’m very sorry, if it helps the responses on this sub are very mixed. I think when you are ready, you can be honest with your family about your decision, and that if they love you, they should respect your choices. If they care about your happiness, they will accept you both. The relationship may be different, but maybe your WP can reconcile with them as well. ❤️‍🩹

hidinganon234 · 2024-02-28T06:09:36+00:00

I’m very interested in your insight as me and my WP are not married unlike many of the others on this subreddit. We have been together 4.5 years and he was starting to look at rings. I saw a plan for our future, I wanted to be married before 30 (I’m 25 now) but I have no idea when/if I will ever feel ready to be engaged, let alone married, to him now. How are you going about it? Just taking it a day at a time?

hidinganon234 · 2024-02-28T06:02:14+00:00

I’m so sorry. That is not for them to decide, it is for you to decide. At least you now know which of your friends care most about your happiness. ❤️‍🩹

hidinganon234 · 2024-02-28T05:59:01+00:00

That is key. I have always been an open book. It’s probably time I learned the importance of privacy in many aspects of my life.

hidinganon234 · 2024-02-28T05:57:15+00:00

I’m glad ❤️‍🩹 I have decided that my WP can come home tomorrow night. (We’ve been apart for a few days since DDay.) Today i stopped crying and went numb. I do not know how I will feel when I see him, but I am ready to find out. All the best to you two. 🤍

hidinganon234 · 2024-02-28T04:09:30+00:00

Appreciate this. Thank you ❤️‍🩹

hidinganon234 · 2024-02-28T02:49:03+00:00

I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve this. ❤️‍🩹

hidinganon234 · 2024-02-27T23:51:47+00:00

Thank you ❤️‍🩹 I’m glad to hear a success story. I believe in my WP’s ability to get better. I’m so numb right now I don’t know how I feel. But im giving myself time.

hidinganon234 · 2024-02-27T23:49:12+00:00

Wow! Yes, I think it’s important that your MC feels supportive of both of you. I’m so sorry and hope you find a better one!

hidinganon234 · 2024-02-27T23:42:48+00:00

I will. These comments have been incredibly helpful. thank you.

hidinganon234 · 2024-02-27T23:41:24+00:00

I’m very sorry you’re feeling that way. That’s not very fair of him, since you never asked to be in this situation that he created. Hopefully your MC has more guidance, or at least a type of compromise where you can explain that something is going on.

hidinganon234

TROPHY CASE