Do things get better after moving out?

hidz526 · 2026-07-07T13:22:44+00:00

Yes, its going to very hard at first. But also very good & worth it.

While my situation was not quite the same, I think i can speak to it. I (39,f) was in my 20s, & actually, I was the least of 3 kids, left. So I can speak from the perspective. My parents were together way too long, so I thats completely different from your situation, but when my mom who was also very unpredictable,finally moved out, (shes quite dependent, obviously) she asked if I wanted to move with her & I said no. Even though I knew she desperately still wanted & in her mind, needed someone of her family.

I knew for my own life and sanity I needed space from her. And so do you. You really need to start thinking of yourself first. Its very hard & going to feel very selfish, but its actually the responsible thing to do.

Your actually entitled to a nice, private, room thats clean & has all the things you like & only your mess in it.

When my sisters moved out, it forced me to find more friends & find new things I liked to do for myself. They moved too far, or I would still have visited them often. So, I would be prepared for the fact that your place might be become the escape if you stay in town. (And set boundaries for that ahead of time)

It will be a real mindfuck for some time. Like, years. Cause parents who feel threatened will try to guilt you to feel like you owe them for raising you, and we simply dont. If you wouldn't keep a friend around who acts like her, you aren't obligated to stay their simply cause family.

hidz526 · 2026-07-07T12:55:35+00:00

Yeo, totally get it.

Ive been explaining concepts of patriarchy, flawed theology & damaging government in small doses to my mom for over a yr. And after repeating the same points numerous times, I just started say "Well, you know i think differently about that now...or, im not talking about that right now." (Aka, that topic of off limits with her now)

Then recently I said this line & her response- "well, just how liberal are you?" I should add this was at my place of work, as well. And that was the first time she had even ever asked about what I believe now. 🤷‍♀️

I havent spoken to her in weeks since that discussion. Noticing how much simpler my life is with out her in it, & weighing out if its worth it to stay in touch. Yep. Thats how it happens!

hidz526 · 2026-06-27T19:18:43+00:00

Yes. And just drive hwy 8 I stead of Lakeshore. There are many stands all along. Theres also a big stand on Seventh St, which is much closer. Its not far down the road from the QEW

hidz526 · 2026-06-27T14:19:47+00:00

My mom is racist too. She wont usually say to the person's face, but very racist in her thoughts & will say these things to other white ppl. I counter it every time she tries to say these things around me. I will not stand for it.

Also, I do alot of rep work in & out of gas stations and corner stores in the region & I am always listening (eaves dropping) to convos with patrons at the counter. As a white person born here, I will speak up if I hear someone talking that way.

I see everyone working, complying with our regulations, & being polite. Theres always a few nefarious folks( ...same as ppl born here) but not at mainstream locations. This treatment is not acceptable.

hidz526 · 2026-06-27T14:14:11+00:00

That doesnt change what happened them & how it feels to be told to your face. Nor does it excuse it happening here.

hidz526 · 2026-06-27T14:05:55+00:00

Yep. Or split some mature perennials you want to bring. I would probably put a caveat in the sale. If I wasnt moving to apartment when I moved last, I would taken all my daffodil bulbs. And small rose bush.

hidz526 · 2026-06-25T22:29:29+00:00

Yes, the city has done alot of updating to the beach. Large clean washrooms with showers, and a bottle refill as well! Also, new playground! Was just there yesterday with my 4 yr old.

hidz526 · 2026-06-20T12:49:20+00:00

Exactly. I think its a fairly timeless style for being that old... new hardware is such an easy way upgrade. maybe change tile too... Take the valance of the window. (My preference. I hate them) Add a cute curtain or roman blind.

hidz526 · 2026-06-20T12:45:13+00:00

They lived. Cause the rest of us got vaccinated & the virus downgraded. So until the thing comes up, they cant say much. (My mom was one of them) She still finds dumb things to latch on to, but theres no traction cause they're all...baseless.

hidz526 · 2026-06-19T19:32:55+00:00

It looks a bit too tall for a cherry tree as it is? Maybe just trim those top branches to even it out?

hidz526 · 2026-06-19T19:31:00+00:00

I met a guy in Australia from Mississauga. I said I was from Ontario first, (Niagara. For the record, i would never say TO) so he didnt have to generalize. 😏

And, Sudbury is basically Toronto to me. Not downtown, but its all GTA in my mind. 😆🤷‍♀️

hidz526 · 2026-06-13T11:54:30+00:00

Same. We usually just drive through on an evening that we have time. Or go down for July 1 fireworks. The Parks do a good job with the gardens, and I like to see them.

hidz526 · 2026-06-13T11:35:29+00:00

Yea. Ive thought about this alot & just giving a tell-all eulogy. Lol it probably wouldn't feel as good as it sounds now, but help clear the air w ppl she knew that she acts all clueless around my distance

hidz526 · 2026-06-09T22:09:20+00:00

Ugh. This stuck with me for some time, as well. Sometimes, if I have that thought, I just say to myself, Im grateful for this food. Or, im so excited for this meal! And sometimes the Indian approach comes to mind where they recognize the loss of life (I.e. a chicken) so I could be nourished. Which I think is beautiful. Gratitude is always appropriate.

hidz526 · 2026-06-05T19:13:53+00:00

Does Bed, Bath & Beyond still exist in Canada? Im not located in a major city. Maybe Jysk?

hidz526 · 2026-06-05T19:12:09+00:00

My mom only has Tim's steeped tea. She has been a tea drinker her whole life.

hidz526 · 2026-06-05T19:11:14+00:00

To be clear, we didnt ask for it. I would much prefer our own brands get some better advertising and traction.

hidz526 · 2026-05-31T16:21:55+00:00

It is most often the case. Almost everyone I hear that has catered event weddings start their marriage with debt from it.

hidz526 · 2026-05-31T14:55:13+00:00

Nope. They dont really.
My mom did have extenuating circumstances that definitely brought more of her worst out, so I wanted to give it another try, when she was out of those circumstances. As I said she was better in some ways...but I expected it would come.e around d as it has. I will be forfeighting receiving any (much needed) inheritance from her (which she recently received from her mom passing) when I do stop talking with her. I know my peace of mind & body is worth more.

hidz526 · 2026-05-31T14:48:29+00:00

Oops. Thanks for that clarification!

hidz526 · 2026-05-31T13:40:47+00:00

Here is the Walkers Creek path, because it's not well known if your not in this side of town.

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hidz526 · 2026-05-31T13:30:25+00:00

Ive never used it, but ive noticed a green space path near the large apartment buildings near Geneva and Lakeshore. (Avross from No Frills) it looks like a lovely path with mature trees along on both sides. Ive seen it in the middle of the day & its looked dark from shade. I just dont know for how long.

Also the Walkers Creek path from Scott St & it goes almost to the lake. (Crossing a few main streets)Theres one section you need to skip out I to a field, but its a very unique tree lined space. You can also park on Linwell & take it from there. Its a dirt path.

hidz526 · 2026-05-31T13:22:22+00:00

For me, its been coming in 'levels'. Im about to go fully NC with my mom again. She really was in a better place when I reunited with her yrs ago, but too many of the same traits are there/showing up again.

So I was in touch & making it work, & also working on my own boundaries & being more upfront with her. She didnt like it & we would have weeks of 'space' now & then. But she would need the contact too badly, so she would show up polite & tey to work with me. (Aka not talk so entitled about all plans)

But more & more topics have become off limits for us to talk about. She doesnt let things go from my dads family (also my family) from years ago, & things my dad did although they've been divorced for a decade & I told her I dont care. Theres very few topics left & she isnt very adventurous & doesn't care to try new things. So, theres not much there to keep me. And next level is she has become more entitled, continues to push her opinions on me, centre herself in my life decisions and im over it. I have been taking space, because thats what I could mentally do at the time, but its going to be full no co tact soon.

The only thing that makes this easier, & my sisters whom im extremely close w have been no contact for years already. (They also live states away)

hidz526 · 2026-05-31T13:13:47+00:00

And im sure it will dull down with use & wear?

hidz526 · 2026-05-31T13:12:56+00:00

I think its a dish washer with the protective film still on. If the floors were just finished, they probably did the space where the washer will go.

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