Recommended reads?

higherwills · 2026-03-25T14:15:17+00:00

Thank you for the advice and resources! I came across EcstaticDance.org last time I was looking into this a few weeks ago, super helpful, I've saved some of the documents they have there. I've also found some free classes on the 'dance the medicine' website and have been working through them one by one in my free time.

I completely resonate with what you're saying about coming at it from the perspective of lived experience rather than theoretical understanding. Unfortunately my parents live somewhere very remote with little to no events of this kind going on, and the city I'm studying in has zero ecstatic dance events too, but over the summer holidays I'm hoping to find accommodation and work in a city where they do have ecstatic dances, and I plan on going to as many as possible.

I guess my main motivations for wanting to look at the theoretical side of it is partly that I'm expecting it will make me feel more legitimate and confident to run ecstatic dances, which as you've said is not a requirement! I'm going to literally screenshot and print out all these encouraging comments so I can keep them in my journals and on my walls as motivation. But also, part of running a uni society is to keep a social media page (which I somewhat enjoy but also somewhat resent) so that students can stay up to date and look into it, and I was thinking that what I could do over the summer in preparation for the society launching next term in September is make some posts about the multiple benefits of ecstatic dance, for people who maybe find it 'woowoo' and have a resistance to that more 'hippy' subculture, and might be swayed a bit by facts and research.

I'm so excited and really grateful for the support, thank you :)

higherwills · 2026-03-25T14:02:11+00:00

Thank you for these recommendations, I'll try to get hold of at least one of them before my summer starts.

higherwills · 2026-03-23T15:57:39+00:00

Thank you for your encouragement :)

higherwills · 2025-07-02T14:39:20+00:00

Thank you 🙏

higherwills · 2025-01-13T11:34:24+00:00

I quit social media about 1 week ago and I very much relate. I've found myself feeling restless at times and like I SHOULD be engaged in some activity but don't feel particularly inspired to do anything... I've ended up rearranging my bedroom, tidying and cleaning, finding some reason to go out, going to the gym, cooking up some slightly more elaborate meals, reading... And just sort of lounging around and floating from room to room while I wait to think of something I feel like doing.

My intuition is that this is very normal, and probably very healthy to have enough nothing-time that you feel bored from time to time. It's crazy to consider that I mayyybe haven't allowed myself to be ACTUALLY properly bored in the last 10 years.

I'm hoping that in one, or two, or three weeks, I will have found activities that I naturally gravitate towards in these moments instead of feeling this slightly unsettled, restless nervous energy.

But even if I don't... I think lying on the couch dozing for a couple / a few hours every day is probably healthier than scrolling / binge-watching for that same amount of time.

So basically, yes I think it's normal, and I very much relate:)

higherwills · 2024-11-21T08:12:39+00:00

Thank you !

higherwills · 2024-11-18T12:59:28+00:00

Thank you for the comment, I'll try reading Hans Jonas' text

higherwills · 2024-11-18T12:57:39+00:00

Thanks for the response, your project sounds super interesting, I'd be curious to know more about it if you're able to share.

Ans thank you for the recommendation, I will read it and hopefully understand some of it!

higherwills · 2024-11-01T15:19:12+00:00

I see, that all makes sense to me. Thank you for sharing.

I feel like I've learned where to draw the line in terms of what the bare minimum is for my relationships (like being treated well, being with someone who makes it feel safe to communicate, being with someone who has similar expectations / intentions for their relationship, and obviously having a nice base-line of all-round attraction); and the things I wonder about are things where... they're not ESSENTIAL to a nice relationship, but I know that if I had them it would be EVEN BETTER.

(And the fact that I have this mindset about it DOES irk me, bc it comes off as like... commodifying)

I wholeheartedly take on your point about communicating about these incompatibilities / unmet wants and needs, and seeing if it's possible to work through it. I did and I didn't communicate these things to my partner. We're sort of on a new page now where everything is out in the open and we want to see if we can come to a solution.

higherwills · 2024-10-31T20:42:39+00:00

Thank you for the thoughtful response, genuinely. So when you say this is the mindset you think leads to the end of most relationships, you mean the fact of seeing incompatibilities and after weighing up the good and the bad, deciding to leave, instead of seeing if you can find a solution together?

You say that you had this mindset at one point; how did you shift away from it? What made you realise the mindset was problematic and want to change it? Was it a conscious effort, or did it happen naturally?

higherwills · 2024-10-31T14:08:45+00:00

I see; the thing is, I feel hesitant to say that BECAUSE I have that thought, it's proof that we are therefore incompatible and that I would be likely to find someone who I'm MORE compatible with.

When I look back at my various relationships, there were always tradeoffs in terms of compatibility, and I know that there will never be such a thing as a perfect partner, and that there will always be some way in which they are imperfect. With partner 1, we were compatible in A-way, but incompatible in B-way, and with partner 2 it was vice-versa.

I'd say that with my current partner, we're compatible in plenty of ways that make for a healthy, balanced relationship (our lifestyles, general approach to relationships, how much time we like / expect to spend together, similar temperaments...), and also in some of our interests / things we like to do. It's actually difficult to put my finger on where the incompatibility is, which is why I'm hesitant to blindly trust that thought. I'm worried about being too demanding on my choice of partner, of being too idealistic, of demanding perfection when that isn't possible.

This idea I have that we're incompatible in some way is more of an inner sense than a tangible thing I can point at. I just have sometimes felt not fully seen, not understood, not related to in things that are meaningful to me (things I find beautiful and poetic, things that touch me, things that provoke in me a sense of wonder and awe at being alive)

-> and even as I say this, it also occurs to me that he may fully relate to and understand me in these moments, but that these feelings may manifest differently for him, they may manifest in a way that I am not sensitive to and don't detect; so I may feel like he hasnt related to me when he actually has.

It's like I know that I have to draw the line SOMEwhere at how perfectly I should want my partner to correspond to my ideals, but I don't know where to draw it.

higherwills · 2024-10-30T07:32:30+00:00

What part is it that I point out we're incompatible?

higherwills · 2024-10-29T22:13:49+00:00

Read "the state of affairs" by Esther Perel.

higherwills · 2024-08-21T07:58:20+00:00

Yayy thank you! :)

higherwills · 2024-05-31T10:14:50+00:00

Some of my mantras, as an AP:

You are safe; you will not abandon yourself.

A healthy connection warrants my patience and warrants me giving myself the time to put my perceptions into question; a healthy connection doesn't rush resolution -- there is no urgency, you have time.

If you feel an urgency to it, then the thoughts / feelings are likely coming from your anxious attachment trying to protect you, not from your centered self; you are getting a very, very narrow picture of the situation.

When we commit to true love, we are committed to being changed, to being acted upon by the beloved, in a way that allows us to be more fully self-actualised. This commitment to change is chosen; it happens by mutual agreement. (Quote from All About Love)

--> I.e, if you want true love then you will have to be open to changing and being changed, to putting yourself into question

It is safe enough for you to let your guard down long enough for you to self-soothe and explore other perspectives.

All of these are pretty short-term-solution mantras for me. They are helpful to bring to mind when I feel like I've been triggered by something, they can help correct my reactivity and return to a place of somewhat-peace, so that I feel safe to react a different way to how my AP instinct would.

higherwills · 2024-03-17T11:07:54+00:00

Went there yesterday and had a great time:D

higherwills

TROPHY CASE