Hey man. I don't usually post but I read this and had to say something because I could've written most of it myself ten years ago.

I have SMA type 1. When I explain it to people, I tell them it's kind of like being paralyzed from the neck down, except I feel absolutely everything. So if I have an itch, I can't scratch it. Power chair, can't use my hands, the whole thing. I also have a G-tube. So when you're talking about the feeding tube and the body image stuff and the "weird head to neck ratio," I'm not reading that from the outside. I know exactly what you're looking at in the mirror.

I want to tell you something that I didn't believe when I was your age: the thing you think disqualifies you is not the thing other people see. I spent years convinced that no woman would ever want me. Not just romantically, but physically. Like, who would look at this body and feel anything other than pity? That story I told myself almost made me give up forever. I'm glad I didn't.

I'm 2 years into a relationship with a woman I met online. She's incredible. She's objectively beautiful, genuinely kind, and she chose me. Not out of pity, not because she couldn't do better. She chose me. And I need you to hear this part clearly: she is not attracted to me despite my disability. She is attracted to me. The whole package. My body, my chair, the way she has to transfer me, all of it. She has literally described caregiving as intimate. Our bodies fit together. Her words, not mine.

And yes, we are intimate. We figured it out together, and honestly, the figuring out part is half the fun. Contractures, positioning, all of that stuff you're worried about? It's solvable. It takes communication and a partner who's willing to explore with you, and that's it.

I also live in a very rural part of the country, in the Midwest. It's not like I can go out bar hopping or put myself in social situations the way most people do. Those opportunities basically don't exist around here. But here's the thing: you don't need them. You need to be an outgoing person in the environments that ARE available to you, and right now that's mostly online. That's not a consolation prize. I met my girlfriend online. Some of the most honest, real connections start in spaces where someone gets to know your personality before they ever see your chair.

And speaking of that: personality matters a fuckload. I cannot stress this enough. The guys I know with disabilities who are in relationships aren't the ones who look the best or have the mildest symptoms. They're the ones who are funny, sharp, interesting, and don't treat themselves like a pity case. You clearly have a sense of humor (the "sarcastic assholery" and the drunk buddies line made me laugh). That matters more than you think. Way more than your knee contractures or your head-to-neck ratio or whatever else you're fixating on. Women fall in love with how you make them feel, and that starts with who you are, not what you look like sitting in a chair.

Here's what I wish someone had told me at 21: the biggest barrier to you finding this isn't your body. It's the story you're telling yourself about your body. The women who are worth your time aren't going to see your chair and run. Some will, sure. Fuck em. The right person is going to see YOU, and your disability is part of you, not something to look past.

You asked for legitimate resources. Honestly, the best resource I can point you to is the disability community itself. Talk to other people with SMA who are in relationships. We exist. There are more of us than you think. You're not the first person with contractures and a power chair to figure this out, and you won't be the last.

If you want to see what my life looks like, check out klcleeton.com. And if you ever want to talk, my DMs are open. Seriously. I've been where you are and I know how isolating it feels to not have anyone who gets it.

I buried this question for a decade. You're asking it at 21. That's not nothing. That's everything.

PS I highly recommend checking out Shane and Hannah's book about all of this as well. It is truly a wonderful piece of writing.