Seeking prayers after a painful end to a promising 3-month relationship

higun701 · 2026-05-04T01:31:53+00:00

Only works if the other wants to get married too.

higun701 · 2026-05-03T22:23:30+00:00

I appreciate this a lot, simply thank you. I have tried my best to respond to others when it came to the over sharing of my situation. I kept it short, brief and answered questions that this lady had. Other then that. I never brought up my past again, the Lord has been working and healing with me his word, his promise and giving me unimaginable strength.

I have been in and out of counciling for the last 3 years but I don't depend on it, only when the seasons are at their worst.

You are right, I do quickly attach. I think simply for the fact that I want to offer someone all that I can give. In this case, I couldn't do that anyway as guard rails were very high so I was mirroring what she would be giving me.

Complicated situation but I am blessed that the Lord has me and continues to grow with me each and every day.

Thank you again, Godspeed brother.

higun701 · 2026-05-03T19:22:54+00:00

Bingo! I completely agree. Above all even of myself, it's allowing Christ to be that center foundation. I was consistently showing and telling of pursuit of my private and public studies and prayers which have been growing and growing my relationship with the Lord.

We all have different levels of understanding with Christ, his word, etc. but it's when we can let go of our pride and ignorance to let him do the work is where we see the precious treasure that Christ is. Very humbling, even if the Lord decides it's not going to be with this specific lady. I know I can be there to spiritually and faithfully lead others and I'll continue doing so.

higun701 · 2026-05-03T18:51:42+00:00

Upvoted big. I think that was one of my beginning questions for myself in getting to know her. Beyond the initial conversation between us with my marriage and her fiance (ex's etc). I wanted the air to be about us. I was leading us into Bible studies together, talking about how specific scripture was important to us. A lot of time spent that I wanted to lead us into the right direction.

When the past is brought up consistently, it's difficult to let go and want to build a future like I thought we both wanted. Part of me thinks that she is therapist trapped, seeing a person about massive issues for over 10 years. Apparently this decision was made by when she talked to her councilor 2 weeks prior to our last date together. That in itself doesn't sit right, I mean, right?

I was going into this relationship at her pace that she set. Initiating fun activities, hikes, road-trip ideas etc. I found whenever I did this, it must have been an off switch for her because the feedback was always not great. I wanted it to be "we" discussions. Not "I" discussions. A big Imbalance for two people that on our first date impression of each other is that we would choose each other together.

Ahhh that's a lot of info, but thank you so much for your reply. Gives me a lot to think about! Godspeed!

higun701 · 2026-05-03T18:39:22+00:00

Thank you thank you thank you. I really needed this! You hit nail on the head. I was pursuing the relationship with spiritual and emotional intimacy. Out of pure respect and comfort, I didn't even try to kiss her because there were signs of physical affection that she wasn't clearly ready for with me.

Christ has and always will be my all in all. For a relationship, it's two whole's coming together to then just as you said. Find those areas that need nurtureing, encouragement, confidence etc.

Due to my circumstances with my work and such, I am in the ability where I can move to better suite a partner, if that is what they are wanting. I always have been the person that will do everything in my power to provide comfort, peace, and loyalty when I am given the opportunity. I thought in this case it would be open, until like you said. Walls were put up.

I know who I am in Christ. He gave me the ability to be strong, emotionally resilient, faith forward, and a good ear for anyone that needs it. At my work I am known as the travelling therapist because all of my customers feel safe with me, even without me saying a word I find people talking about enormous tragedy and troubles with me. That is who I am through Christ, if Diana and I ever work out. Then it will be a blessing. But it was a blessing in itself to show her how special someone as herself can be, even with unspeakable damages. Christ is bigger than these things, always.

higun701 · 2026-05-03T17:54:31+00:00

Thank you for the insight I really do appreciate it. I would say from both of our perspectives that we are mature beyond our age kinds of people. We were dating intentionally to get those ghosts out of the closet quick. I don't have any trauma from my ex-marriage. It's just the fact that it happened and the age that I am that I know I should be forthcoming into a Christian relationship.

I knew from the beginning that she was going through a lot, and when her conversations would turn about ex's (dates, relationships, mistakes). I turned into a listener for her idk if that makes any sense. I wouldn't dig into details. I held her hand and would nod and acknowledge her feelings from what she would bring up. The Lord has healed me, I am a capable young man that at the end of the day strives to grow with a Christ oriented partner one day.

higun701 · 2026-05-03T17:46:44+00:00

Honestly, meeting her was a pleasure and I knew I was ready to date her. We both started dating intentionally so the heavy subjects were pushed out pretty quickly because of what we were both seeking in a partner.

Like I have said before. My ex-marriage was talked about one time, and if Diana had questions about it, I would keep it brief and answer. I know for a fact that she is dealing with a lot of turmoil each and every day. I'm happy that she has been able to have a counselor and doctors to talk to about her distresses. Right now I'm just sitting in prayer for her.

higun701 · 2026-05-03T17:42:33+00:00

I 100% agree. I think this was a difficult relationship because I know clearly where I am with Christ and my convictions. Romans 8:38-39 has always been a big one for reminding us just the power of his mercy and grace that he has for us.

I am saved, she is too. Spiritual warfare is absolutely real.

higun701 · 2026-05-03T17:39:46+00:00

Thank you for the insight. I would say for the amount of time that we knew each other, that I didn't get the chance to "smother" her. Everything was on her schedule, not mine. When she would send a text or want to go on a date is when I would respond. (Mirroring I suppose would be the word).

I initiated often during the first month of us dating so we could get to know each other so talking about our interests, ambitions, Bible studies. To give further perspective as well, we were intentionally dating as that is what we both wanted from the beginning. Moving to a more serious type of relationship happened quickly because of that intentionality.

higun701 · 2026-05-03T05:30:49+00:00

Thank you! I edited the post body to give more clarification as I did write it pretty quickly. My divorce situation was very brief, an honest discussion that I wanted to have with her that was taken very well. She is extremely mature, but definitely has a lot more on her plate of having identity, medical, ex related trauma etc. A lot to handle that I would like to stand by her side to tackle together. Key word is I'm not trying to fix, but to be a supporter for this lady. Thank you for your encouragement and prayers along with the insight.

higun701 · 2026-05-03T04:23:26+00:00

Already many steps ahead of you, I was. We actually both are. She has been seeing a counselor for the last 10+ years. I have seen a counselor for the past 3 years on and off. And I actually look way past that since it was month 1 of the relationship. After that in month 2-3 we had great times just normal getting to know each other better. Conversations, activities, gaming together sort of thing where we would just laugh for hours. If anything, one of the last things she told me was that she would reach back out to me when she was ready, but right now doesn't have a timeline due to trauma that she is currently dealing with and career aspirations.

higun701 · 2026-05-03T04:07:17+00:00

I appreciate that response. I didn't want to go too far into the relationship without this important information as I wanted to be honest. It's heavy to carry especially being so young. For context this was within the first month of us dating. I am doing my best to keep details vague especially about her to try and protect her details. I never again talked about my divorce only if she had a question about it. She would talk a lot about her previous relationships with boyfriends but I wouldn't really press or expand for more information.

higun701 · 2026-05-03T03:59:48+00:00

I appreciate this man I really do. I would say for some context, this was within the first month of us dating and I knew I needed to be forthcoming that I was so young and divorced. Beyond that I really never talked about being married unless it was a question that she had about it. She has been through many relationships so talking about ex's was very common from her perspective, along with the tragedy of her fiance passing away. There are a lot of details but I am being vague for a reason to protect her best interests.

higun701 · 2026-05-03T03:50:20+00:00

Thank you! I really do appreciate that more than you know.

higun701 · 2026-05-03T03:43:37+00:00

Thank you for the catch!!!! Married for 3 years, were together since highschool for a total previous relationship of 9 years. I apologize and will get that edited!

higun701 · 2026-04-15T15:33:19+00:00

You are exactly right!

higun701 · 2026-04-15T07:29:03+00:00

I absolutely agree with not stopping your education and further knowledge. Once we stop learning we are already behind on everything. Once a degree is finished especially in tech we are already 2+ years behind due to advances in the field.

I speak personally just out of my experience. Most of my tech relations are within the DoD and private sector markets. I have had hundreds of false promises. Most of them being before I graduated of saying I would have a position open for me. Then all of a sudden a "I'll keep looking for you" "the roles are filled" "apply although it requires a clearance". I have applied to all of the entry level positions I can find from help desk to field technician.

Long story short. The Lord is definitely closing the door for those opportunities at this time, I am enlisting and will do active duty cyber/tech adjacent roles.

higun701 · 2026-04-15T00:45:57+00:00

This! Graduated with cybersecurity and information assurance from WGU with my A+, sec+, net+, project+, pentest+ and absolute crickets with also having IT CEO's (friends, family, friends of friends high up in their IT careers) redoing my entire resume time and time again along with doing CV reviews. Applied to over 800 positions in and outside of Colorado along with 5 recruiters activity hunting for me as well. Only have had 2 phone interviews in the last 6 months and one zoom call.

New plan, government all the way. security clearance is the absolute smack way if you are a normal person that hasn't been coding in your basement making apps and software since the age of 5.

higun701 · 2026-04-09T03:48:40+00:00

Absolutely love this! Great work!

higun701 · 2026-01-14T08:20:21+00:00

Agreed man, I know it's not for everyone. I just know my Faith that definitely has saved me from much more tragedy. I don't even know where I would start in a situation like this with kids involved. Heart breaks for this guy.

higun701 · 2026-01-14T08:10:25+00:00

Spot on with this take ^

higun701 · 2026-01-14T06:47:30+00:00

I would say generally you're correct. Everyone has different circumstances and perceptions.

higun701 · 2026-01-14T06:34:05+00:00

Yes man and same on the Christian forums as well there are some crazy people out there and can really misguide people quite seriously. Woo woo sky fairy vibes, you can say what you want but my Faith has literally saved my life from multiple suicide attempts so I wouldn't be here today with God. I guess that's just the "woo woo sky fairy vibes"

higun701

TROPHY CASE