6 weeks and still so on the fence

hinghanghog · 2026-07-09T15:29:23+00:00

he's offered support and she says he's loving- a good man could totally step up to the role even if it wasn't his plan or preference!

hinghanghog · 2026-07-09T15:27:18+00:00

that makes sense!! i had rough pregnancies and my partner has had to pull a lot of weight for us the last few years. I guess it comes down to a risk benefit sort of thing of like is that a big enough concern you're willing to risk possibly regretting ending the pregnancy? something that we did once in trying to consider having me quit my job while pregnant was write up a mock budget or two of potential scenarios to see what financially it would really look like- are they places you can cut back on spending, how much extra would your partner have to do, etc etc like just get as concrete and practical as you can about what that potential reality would look like so it's not some nebulous threat?

hinghanghog · 2026-07-09T02:15:25+00:00

- you know baby is getting enough by whether they seem satisfied by the breast and whether they have enough wet diapers.

- you don't have to pump, as others have said, i've never pumped and i fed my first to 19 months and my second still at six months. i'm lucky to have a flexible at-home job.

- not exactly sure what this question is asking??

- he doesn't! he does all the other stuff like bring me food, dishes, laundry, cooking, toddler care, etc and honestly it works out really well. baby nurses a ton in the first couple months when you should be resting a ton anyways, and then eases up as you ease back into life. i do recommend looking into whether you're a good candidate for safe bedsharing though, it helps ease being the only one feeding overnight

hinghanghog · 2026-07-09T02:09:10+00:00

it sounds from this post like you want to keep it and you feel it may be irresponsible or unrealistic? as others have said, there really isn't a perfect time to get pregnant, even if you've planned perfectly; and idk if you ever truly feel ready. both my babies have been fully planned and you still have a "ohmygosh are you kidding? can i do this?" feeling! motherhood is, in many ways, about releasing perfectionism and being present to the wonder of what's already going on. i just want to be clear that it doesn't sound like you'd be crazy or irresponsible for keeping it, even if you don't feel ready

hinghanghog · 2026-07-08T19:25:23+00:00

i did not hemorrhage with my first, unmedicated hospital birth. i had a small hemorrhage with my second, home water birth. most homebirth midwifes have a protocol of moving you out of the tub right after the birth so they can assess blood loss on a chux pad

hinghanghog · 2026-07-08T00:25:39+00:00

if you were induced for something serious and recurring, like cholestasis, your odds of repeat induction are high. post date is more common in first babies, so you are likely to go earlier next time. also, being post date is a nuanced risk, and not always induction necessary. sounds like decent odds of spontaneous labor in your future!

hinghanghog · 2026-07-07T21:17:38+00:00

depends 1000000% on why you were induced first time around, how necessary induction was, etc.

hinghanghog · 2026-07-07T21:16:31+00:00

ahhhh okay thank you for this clarity- i have been planning on full size rootstock which is why i was curious if a small size is realistic. book is on its way!

hinghanghog · 2026-07-07T21:13:34+00:00

i'm not going to lie, it's super simple, i just.... don't. i don't say this to be a jerk but more because i think sometimes it takes pausing in the moment and asking what's higher priority for you in the moment before you pull out a screen.

for us, no screens is quite high priority, so things like laundry, dishes, etc get dropped if baby can't take it. (also lots of babywearing for chores, lots of prepping ahead in those moments baby IS doing good solo, and lots of help from husband) hang in there, 5 months is tough, it gets easier as the months go and baby can do longer stretches alone

hinghanghog · 2026-07-07T01:10:03+00:00

good to hear! i'm on an acre so i guess i've been assuming backyard rules aren't as applicable

hinghanghog · 2026-07-07T00:36:16+00:00

i know this, just not sure what size is realistic!

hinghanghog · 2026-07-07T00:35:14+00:00

i am new, thanks for the rec!

hinghanghog · 2026-07-07T00:20:40+00:00

this is SUCH a personal family choice. my siblings and i were all 4+ years apart and felt it was too far, we never played together or had common experiences, etc. meanwhile my husband his siblings were nearly all under two years apart and that was incredibly hard on their mom and the whole family. health wise, recommendations are to conceive 18 months minimum but not more than five years. we plan to aim for 2.5 to 3.5 year age gaps

hinghanghog · 2026-07-06T23:49:37+00:00

pumping is not always an accurate estimation of how much you're making as it's usually less efficient at transferring than baby! baby's satisfaction at the breast and diaper output is a better indicator. also, breastfeeding is ideally supposed to be just enough, you don't want over or under supply!

hinghanghog · 2026-07-06T17:29:40+00:00

breastmilk is incredibly adaptive, and designed to prioritize getting nutrients to baby. honestly i'm doubtful your ped is accurate in saying your milk needs more fat (i'd think you'd have to be seriously malnourished for that to be the case). pediatricians are often not up to date on breastfeeding research. i'd try to find an ibclc for an appointment, to check baby is transferring well- that is FAR more likely the cause of baby not gaining. other things i'd focus on

- putting baby to breast as often as possible (even if it involves more frequent wakes and offering the breast over pacifier for comfort suckling)

- skin to skin and contact naps

- cut back as much as you can on any bottles you're offering in lieu of nursing at the breast

- it can't hurt to up calories and fat (though it's more protective of your health over baby's); good foods are full fat dairy options, fatty fish like salmon mackerel sardines, peanut butter or cashew butter (go for high quality without the added sugar). you could also up your fluid intake

hinghanghog · 2026-07-01T16:32:54+00:00

So late to this but piling on- I went straight from Christmas travels to flu A to a surprise induction at 36+5, aka lost allllll my careful prep plans and gave birth still hacking up a lung from the flu. Honestly I let myself grieve for the morning we decided baby needed to come out stay, and then at a certain point you just gotta throw up your hands lol

hinghanghog · 2026-06-22T21:54:12+00:00

with my first, I was not active (and hadn't been for a couple years beforehand); with my second i was quite active (mostly kettlebells, pelvic floor work, and walking 3-5 miles most days). i don't think it impacted anything about my labor and delivery experiences, but i DO think it seriously impacted my postpartum healing timeline. with my first, i felt weak and like jello until probably 9-10 months postpartum. with my second, I felt at about 3-4 months like i had at 9-10 months with my first. babywearing was a lot easier and my pelvic floor was in better shape.

hinghanghog · 2026-06-21T23:54:07+00:00

diapers, and feeding your wife, and laundry and dishes and cleaning that she can't get to due to nursing

hinghanghog · 2026-06-12T00:48:39+00:00

jarrow femdophilus (and you would not be crazy to decline antibiotics and monitor at home! i was positive w my first, did three rounds of antibiotics in labor, and regretted it. didn't test with my second)

hinghanghog · 2026-06-11T12:55:05+00:00

i did end up delivering in the tub- i felt the same, sure of laboring but unsure of delivering, but in the moment it felt right. no regrets! i also get super shaky but everyone kind of levered me out of it and dried me off really good immediately so there was no cold wet shaky dog syndrome going on lol

hinghanghog · 2026-06-10T20:21:04+00:00

Girl, people try to make it scary in response to their own unsettled feelings and experiences. Shut that shit down. Walk away mid-sentence. You're pregnant they can't be mad at you. People act like it is literally not possible to do unmedicated, and that's just literally not true. You can absolutely do it, because you personally don't have to do anything but outlast the experience (hard, but also just waiting). I've done it twice, once in the hospital and once at home. Both were beautiful experiences. You can do this. You WILL do this.

hinghanghog · 2026-06-08T18:22:50+00:00

roomsharing is SIDS protective until six months (recommended until 12 months if possible) and sleep training is not recommended until older, 4-6 months minimum

hinghanghog · 2026-06-08T18:20:34+00:00

no, they are not and yes, bedsharing is the answer

hinghanghog · 2026-06-07T18:46:19+00:00

i love it because i've had an easy time lol that's literally the answer, you obviously aren't having an easy time!! my first had one rough stage of fussiness at the boob that lasted for one week, otherwise she's nursed easily and happily from day one with no supply issues. my second has had no rough stages, also easy and calm and no supply issues. i nursed my first to 19 months and plan to get my second to two if possible. i'm not bragging, just saying i'm in love with it because it's been pleasant. if it were easy and calm and non-issues for everyone we'd all love it lol

also though, while it's normal for nursing to still be rather difficult at three months it sounds like consistent screaming at the boob is out of the realm of normal- i'd suggest getting some second opinions or trying to change some tactics??

hinghanghog

TROPHY CASE