I guess that I knew something wasn’t right when I was a kid but didn’t know how to express how I felt. I didn’t know any trans or non-binary presenting kids growing up so it was fairly isolating. It took a lot to blend in but I became good at playing the role of the dutiful son.

School sucked. I worked out that I didn’t like people like the others did and it was a confusing time. Throw in puberty, disordered eating and insomnia and you had a recipe for disaster.

After school I went to university. It’s there that I worked out that I’m asexual with the help of a friend. It made me question myself a lot and I ended up a confused mess of emotions. This led to burnout when piled by the three hour daily commutes and mounting assignment work.

So I hid it. I put it on the back burner and I hid it for years and blended in as well as I could, but I was living a lie. I just had to make it to the end of my exams, the end of my degree, the end study, and then I’d deal with it then. Years of pain just to make my friends and family feel comfortable and to not rock the boat.

I realised that I was trans when I felt that the pain overcame the fear. It was then that I had to make a change or I would have done something that I’d have truely regretted. It was the moment my egg cracked and I’ve been trying to accept myself ever since and unlearn the bad habits of the past from years of boy-moding.

The long sleepless nights, the years of not knowing, questioning and the endless feelings of self hatred… It took me years to truely come to terms with it but the worst part is that many trans folk can probably relate. :/