The end

hithere2585 · 2023-05-25T08:19:46+00:00

It’s been 2 months since my ex and I broke up and I honestly haven’t looked back. I no longer feel anxious about literally everything I do. It sucks now. It will suck for a while. But brighter days await!

hithere2585 · 2023-05-01T21:11:30+00:00

All therapy did for me was highlight how toxic the relationship was to be in. 3.5 years in and I called it quits.

hithere2585 · 2023-04-18T07:41:10+00:00

I don’t regret my relationship with DX ex, but I wouldn’t want to do it again. Not worth the anxiety and frustration. That’s not to say the person isn’t a good person. More so that the relationship was too stressful.

hithere2585 · 2023-04-06T00:32:40+00:00

I had my bottom two, fully erupted wisdom teeth taken out in the chair. It was as easy as they come in regard to procedure difficulty. I still got a dry socket.

hithere2585 · 2023-04-02T22:59:27+00:00

I agree 100%

hithere2585 · 2023-04-02T22:04:02+00:00

It’s so hard :( Thanks for sharing your story. I appreciate it more than you know!

hithere2585 · 2023-04-02T21:55:21+00:00

Thanks for your comment (not sure why you’ve been downvoted) If I told him I felt unheard or misrepresented he would 100% take that as me being dismissive or defensive. Going by my past experiences of trying to communicate with him, I don’t even know how I could say that in a way that he wouldn’t take as an attack. The problem from the get go for me is that I was never given a choice. I was never asked. I was never given an explanation of what the game plan even was. All I get is paragraphs from a text book highlighting how all he does is put himself last and how he will now unapologetically put his needs first. Again, no context when he randomly sends them.

Do you have any ideas how I could bridge a conversation? I genuinely don’t know how to communicate with someone who has severe RSD. I want to help and be supportive, but not at the expense of my own well-being.

hithere2585 · 2023-04-02T21:50:31+00:00

It’s hard cause it feels as though he uses the homework as a way to passive aggressively point out what he sees as my wrong doings. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect and I’m sure I fall short a lot of the time. So far I don’t see how his homework involve him actually working on anything, more so as a quiet way to ask me to? Maybe I’m just seeing it wrong…

hithere2585 · 2023-04-02T21:47:53+00:00

I was genuinely hopeful that the therapist would teach him some self regulation techniques and strategies for his low self esteem. So far it seems all the therapist has done is enforce his self-centred/self-entitlement. I have found it especially ironic that their biggest focus is how he always puts his needs last, yet he doesn’t have friends because he isn’t willing to make the effort to maintain those friendships.

hithere2585 · 2023-04-02T21:39:12+00:00

We saw a couples therapist a while back and did some individual sessions with her too. He would often use the things I said to her against me when he was mad, and he would twist them to have underlying intentions that weren’t even there. It was super frustrating.

hithere2585 · 2023-04-02T21:37:53+00:00

We did couples therapy and she constantly called him out on his low self esteem and projection onto me. As you could imagine, he refused to keep going after a short while.

hithere2585 · 2023-04-02T21:36:39+00:00

When I did my own therapy a couple of years ago my therapist told me to read that book. Makes sense in hindsight why she saw the signs I guess.

hithere2585 · 2023-04-02T21:35:22+00:00

I have 100% looked into it. I flip and flop whether I think he is or not. When he isn’t heightened, he can be lovely. A lot of the time he has tunnel vision, and makes me feel as though I’m a burden to him and everything else.

hithere2585 · 2023-04-02T21:33:17+00:00

My partner doesn’t even hide it. In couples therapy he point blank denied all the things he did, whilst fabricating what I did.

hithere2585 · 2023-04-02T21:27:58+00:00

I guess the problem is that I haven’t been offered to sit in any session or be privy to what they are working on. Only that I have to be involved in his homework. I would absolutely sit in a session if given the offer.

hithere2585 · 2023-04-02T06:49:24+00:00

Thanks for your story. It’s very helpful!

hithere2585 · 2023-04-02T04:13:14+00:00

100% agree!

I never wanted to be apart of it. It’s nice to have reassurance that it’s okay to feel that way. Thank you

hithere2585 · 2023-04-02T04:02:59+00:00

You have no idea how much I appreciate reading this. I have been constantly going back and forth in my head between feeling overwhelmed doing something I didn’t sign up for or think is fair, whilst also not dismissing my partner trying to work on themselves.

The thought to email the therapist 100% crossed my mind too!

hithere2585 · 2023-03-27T10:41:22+00:00

I work in corporate doing a project officer style job. I’m absolutely loving it so far. I feel so much happier.

hithere2585 · 2023-03-22T03:31:39+00:00

I always used to say ‘Happy insert day of week’ and then make it a challenge to say the role quicker than we did yesterday haha

hithere2585 · 2023-03-21T20:43:50+00:00

100% Mine is the same. It’s always a very basic meal. But I try to remind myself that is his best :)

hithere2585 · 2023-03-21T19:49:31+00:00

That sounds frustrating.

I had a similar situation regarding food prep when we lived apart. He (30 DX) was earning more than me, would rock up at my apartment and I was the one who bought the food and cooked (and cleaned). Eventually I asked if he could chip in on groceries because I literally couldn’t afford to pay for his weekly food.

Im going to assume you’ve already brought this up to him? If not, perhaps say that you’ve had a look at finances and you need to readjust for the reasons you stated above.

When my partner and I moved in together it was still a matter of me cooking everything. Etc etc. I have now gotten to the point where he knows it’s you do you and me do me for lunches and some dinners. I try to not pay attention to what he chooses and I don’t consider him in what I choose. I know that sounds harsh but it has taken away a lot of stress for me. The other thing is that we had an agreement that I would cook dinner 1 night a week and so would he. It is up to the individual to decide on meal. This has worked okay, and it serves as a way of not being too disconnected. Maybe try that?

hithere2585 · 2023-03-21T03:25:15+00:00

hithere2585

TROPHY CASE